𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐀𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐘𝐨𝐮

𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍

My mother was young, she was just 37, she had me when she was eighteen. My father had met her when they went on a vacation to Hawaii where they had sex (the easiest way I can put it) and they produce me.

Jeon Jungkook.

Unfortunately, I was nothing like my parents. They were beautiful, compared to them I'd be nothing.

I sit in front of my mother. Her young beautiful self as she drinks her wine and I drink my water.

"So what did you want to speak with me about?" I ask her and she looks to her side and then backs down to her expensive heels.

"Well, your father and I have done some speaking. And there are many topics and things we disagree on. We've had many arguments in the last year and we both have decided to file for a divorce." She says softly and she holds my hands.

Divorce.

Divorce.

Growing up with them, I never expected this if I'm honest. Yes, they did fight plenty of times. Argue when I was asleep because of the inconveniences they had.

I stare at her for a moment, I am surprised and I don't hide my shock. She nods and she looks down at her hands.

She isn't telling me anything.

"Is that the only reason why you guys are divorcing?" I ask her and she stops for a moment. Her face twists in pain and almost anger, as if though I had said something so impudent to her.

She's young, beautiful. The youth will never leave her, her beauty is something women long for and yet she still hates it.

"In the last year, your father and I had noticed that we don't have the same connection as we did before-"

"Maybe he didn't have, but I can tell that you still feel it." And she bites her lips proving me right. "What happened?"

"Let's go to your apartment, yeah? I don't feel comfortable sharing this with you in public." She says and I nod standing up and paying for the food.

The ride to my apartment isn't long, but it's silent. A long tense but serene silence.

We sit on the couch, she sits beside me clasping her hands together as she looks around tears welling up in her eyes.

"Your father went on a business trip and there he met a beautiful, kind woman. I guess that he took a liking to her, she was in her twenties and he enjoyed her presence. So I guess that your father has this deep liking towards her-" I cut her off.

"So he cheated on you?" I ask and she nods hesitantly.

Twenty years of marriage going down a drain, maybe they figured that they weren't perfect for each other. Marrying at an early age, young but never really knowing what love was.

It was a few seconds later after comprehending this that I was brought back to yesterday in his house. Where I kissed him, he kissed me back. Where he touched me, I called his name, where he held me.

My shaking body was like a newborn baby as I cried into his arms, apologizing for what I had done.

It was truly my fault.

If I hadn't gone to his house then I would've never started to feel this guilt I feel now. But it also makes me angry, surprisingly, he had a relationship with Lauren for ten years. On and off, but that was ten years of their lives. And just when they were getting back together I had to come and ruin it.

If he cheated on her after being together for ten years, that means that if we ever become something he'll cheat on me if he gets the chance.

I look at my mom after a while and she stares at me worryingly as I begin to cry.

Was this the punishment?

Why did I not suffer? Why is it them that have to?

"What's wrong?" She asks softly and she holds my hand.

"I did something bad," I tell her and she nods as if gesturing me to tell her.

"Mom, I love someone." I start and she smiles softly, doe eyes softly looking into mine.

"How is that bad?" She asks and I stare at her, biting my lips.

"He has someone already," I whisper and she nods her head after pausing for a few seconds.

"Does he know?" I shake my head.

"Have you guys ever done something inappropriate?" And I stop, my body freezes, and tears of shame run down my cheeks as I nod.

"We did it, once. He kissed me two times before that." She nods again, eyes looking up to comprehend what she had just heard.

"You know, this isn't something I would say yay to. But I am your mother, and I won't do anything to stop you even if I feel guilty. Most parents would just shame their kids, scream at them, hit them, abuse them. I am not them and I don't think that I will ever be. But let's think about this from the point of view as because there are many of them I assume. Let's start with the partner who doesn't know that this happened, what do you think that they will feel?" I stare at my hands and she holds them to calm me down.

"She'd be upset, angry I guess. She loves him I think, so when she'd find out she'll feel a sense of betrayal from him. Being with him for a long time, she will be upset with herself. Asking what she had done wrong, what it was that made him want to do that with me." I tell and she nods and I feel bad. How my description fits her too. How unlucky she is to have felt what Lauren will feel.

"Okay, so now that we've got that. I want you to explain to me, why you love him. Tell me what it is about him that makes you feel this way?" I stop, my heart stops limbs and lids.

There isn't an answer if I am honest, not really. I guess that it's just the way love can be. How it's like a comet that hits the ocean creating large tides of the salty ocean water. It is unexpected, the time can never be estimated. Some find love while they are young, others find it when they are old. Some get to have unlimited time with their lovers and other-well they only share a few glances and kisses before the inevitable.

Our lives have always been filled with glances amongst individuals who could've been lovers, but they never were.

"I love him, mommy. I do. I don't know why. I just love him. Am I a bad person for loving someone who will probably never be mine?" I ask her and she hugs me as I cry into her arms.

Oh if only.

If only the time could've been different I wouldn't have to suffer because of loving you so much. So much that eventually it will cause my emperor to fall and the pain in my body to expand.

Of if only.

If only we could love each other. Without feeling guilty for ourselves and the fact that what we have is illegal.

Maybe we can. Maybe in another dimension, space, and time. Maybe we could.

I cry into her arms, feeling her warmth. The warmth of a mother, she was the embodiment of comfort.

Oh mommy, I'm hungry. Mommy, I am afraid of what I am feeling. Mommy, I'll get older as the days pass by. And I fear becoming what you are.

Young, beautiful, and unlucky when it comes to the feeling humans call 'love'.