He is a phenomenon and he doesn't know it.
Beautiful. Intelligent. Lovable.
His words make him fall in love with him and yet his overthinking self does not comprehend it.
The situation that they are being put in. A teacher. A student. Makes it ha...
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She drinks her coffee, fixes the rings on her finger and the scarf around her neck.
"So you guys are dating?" She asks and I nod at her question.
We sit at the airport cafe. Her luggage beside her, the two large cases, and the small bag she always brings with her. I gifted it to her about five years ago on her fifteenth birthday, she had fallen in love with it instantly.
"Yeah," I tell her and she hums, drinking her coffee.
"Can I be the baby's godmother?" She asks and I raise my brows at her question.
"He isn't pregnant." She looks at me.
"I know, but I'm kind of the reason why you guys are together." She states making odd hand gestures as she speaks.
I cross my arms over my chest, "What do you mean?"
"Well off I hadn't invited him over to do that project at our house then he would not be comfortable around you when the time was right. In a way, I helped you guys by making your presence comfortable to each other if that makes sense." Explaining it, I get what she means. If she hadn't invited him over, then he wouldn't have been as comfortable as he was around me or anyone in general.
I learned that Jungkook didn't like to socialize, he is xenophobic. If you give him the task to speak with others then he would be the type to say a word and then leave. Never talk to you again.
But Olivia had put him in a spot where he did have to socialize with us and in the process of doing so, he had gotten comfortable with us.
"I guess that you did," I tell her with a chuckle. She finishes her coffee, and then she looks at the time.
"Do you love him?" She asks soft hands holding both of mine. I sigh and I look at her, thinking. Remember when I had been with Lauren.
Have you ever been in love?
She would ask and I would look at her, she'd know the answer. I know the answer if I would ask her as well.
If I'm honest, I don't believe in soulmates. I don't believe in love at first sight, I don't believe that it's possible to know whether you are compatible enough to marry each other. Someone laying eyes upon the other as they walk around. I don't believe in locked eyes and locked hearts or locked bodies and that passion is the be-all and all to what we call life.
I don't really believe in destiny and even if I did, I wouldn't believe that love is written on the stars like they are going to be forever because even though the stars may seem so close, they will always signify one of us as we grow and who we are. Alone, sad, happy. . .dying.
I believe in hard work -in discipline in love. Especially in love. I believe in being on time, picking up the phone because you never know, sending flowers to someone's mother. Calling the people who I care about to check in on them. Saying thank you to the cashier every time he hands me the pack of Red Marlboro's every week. I believe that chance encounters only offer us the chance to be kind because kindness is the most important underrated thing.
I believe in forgiveness when we peel back the skin and take a look at the hurtful wounds on the surface. It makes us want to vomit because it's so critical to understand the pain of the earth.
Persistence. Trying again and again and failing before trying once again- failing and trying again even if we are sure that we will fail because hope -hope will always be more tangible a thing than the best poets there will ever be.
The heaviness spread in my chest like grapefruit marmalade. The sighs that slip into my kitchen every day at six in the evening during the detention period. Because, believe it or not, they all tell me desperately that the world is too big for one single heartbeat. That even if there is a distance between the stars, that the universe is not too big to not love.
"I do," I whisper and she nods with a smile before looking at her watch.
"Well, they will call passengers to the plane any minute now." She whispers while standing up, I do the same and I help her with her bags. When we are near the gateway, I stop and look at her. Grabbing the box from my pocket and I hand it to her.
"This is the first Christmas that we don't spend together. I still got you a gift though." I say and she opens it with a soft smile on her face when she sees the necklace. Taking it out she holds it in her hand before putting it on.
"You know I'll be gone for a week, but I'll miss you a lot." She says and I hug her, feeling some of her tears stain my shirt.
"I'll miss you too. But go have fun okay? You are a great young woman and you'll do great with Aunt Carol, I bet that she will be ecstatic when she sees you. Have fun okay?" She nods and she cleans her tears.
"When you get there, call me. I do remember giving you the debit card. They'll call you once or twice, but that will be it. If you need anything, need to talk to me or something. Call me I'm always just a phone call away. Yeah?" She nods again, little dimples showing. "I'll always be here for you if you need me," I whisper and I pull her into a final hug.
"Promise?" She asks. I put out my pinkie and I smile at her.
"Promise," I whispered and she nods before hugging me once again.
"I love you." She whispers. I kiss her forehead.
"I love you too," I whisper and she pulls away, I give her the plane ticket and I weave when she does it.
"I'll see you next year!" She jokes and I smile.
"Goodbye," I tell her, and I wait until her plane leaves to know that everything is okay.
Turning around to walk away, I put the phone to my ear when someone calls me.
"Hello?" I ask and I know it's him by his breathing pattern. I get inside the car.
"Hey I know we said we'd meet today, but I need to go pick up my passport from my mom's house. Is it okay if I'm a little late?" I hum as I drive.
"No it's fine, I'll just pack so that I don't do it tomorrow. Should I come over to your apartment or are you coming over?"
"I'll come over." He says softly and we both hang up after setting the time. I look out the window watching as the snow falls and I start at it, for a slow second watching as it fell. And I smile when I feel the bracelet between my fingers. The same one he had made me last night after we had booked the flight. He had found the strings in the supply closet.
I couldn't take him off my mind.
I knew I could never.
He wasn't easy to forget.
Though at times it did make me feel a little uncomfortable. How everything reminded me of him, how everything is him. He is everything.
Everything I wish to see and touch.
It was funny how I found the things that I loved in the world within him. His beauty, intelligence- he was someone who I never want to let go of. More snow falls on the windshield and then I remember a few days ago when I had gone out. Where he we spent hours snowboarding at the sight he used to visit as a child and how he would always throw himself on the ground to make snow angels.
He was an angel.
I feel lonely without him.
I love Jungkook, why would I lie. Not the idea of him. Not his beauty. Maybe his intelligence. Just him. Just him and that smile he holds, those eyes that look at the world in such curiosity, they'd bring me to my knees if I'd see them teary.
He was the ridiculous, rare kind of guy who'd make up these ridiculous thoughts of his own destruction and he'd do anything to accomplish them.
It hurts me to see him so insecure, but I feel great to know that he is gaining his confidence.
