Bad Habits

Beginnings are best started at the end

*2008 - The end of the first Last Shadow Puppets tour*
There was a loud cheer and sound of a bottle of wine being opened once Alex and Miles opened their changing room door. Everyone was there. Joe, Greg, Eva, Matt, Jamie, Nick and Alexa. "Here's our favourite 2 charmers!" Alexa shouted as everyone applauded. Alex blushed at his girlfriends comment and hugged her. Miles felt sick to his stomach but smiled broadly at Joe, Eva and Greg and nodded over to Eva. "We wouldn't have this supergroup if it wasn't for Miles Kane!" Eva chimed in before Miles headed over to her and hugged her. She handed him a glass of white wine and he drank it fast like a vodka shot. "What are you going to do now Mi? The puppets are done..." Joe asked hoping to here that The Rascals will be restarting. After all they were becoming the next Arctic Monkeys. "Maybe me and Joe should tell you but, that guy who wrote Awaydays called us and he wants us to work with him. Maybe you could be an actor!" Greg confessed, giggling a bit in excitement. Miles on the other hand, wasn't that happy about it and left the room without a word. Alex saw Miles had left and decided to go and look for him.

"Miles?" He called out knocking on every door. One door opened and it was James, their manager and drummer. "Everything okay Al?" He inquired worried why Alex was looking so flustered despite the loud party and screams from next door. Alex shook his head and looked down "Miles has gone missing. He left the room." Alex confessed. James's eyes widened like they were planets due to orbit. "Could've gone to take a dump. He usually doesn't tell you!" James suggested. Alex sighed and rubbed his face before walking the direction of the general bathrooms. Uncertain if James was right.

In the bathroom, Miles sobbed shakily and felt very scared of what he was becoming. A shadow. A pale, small, childish shadow. He felt like Alex's ghost who had more secrets than open books that are filled with tales the press could write for the next century and still wow fans. Miles rubbed his tired eyes that continued to cry without willing to stop. He wished he wasn't just in Alex's shadow. Every kiss and walk he had with that man. He knew Alex wouldn't understand, but he felt an electric connection with him. It was like when two magnets are joined together, when they make that clang noise and have a buzz that shrills through your ears for a few seconds. Miles wiped his eyes. After the puppets he was planning a solo career.  Alex had heard Miles cry in their bunk about how band life for him demoralised him and he barely got his own world. Is that what Miles wanted? His own world? For all of society to cease to be and Alex to be the only man alive? If it meant to marry and to live on a desert island together. It was a sacrifice he'd be willing to do.

Alex barged into the bathroom and saw Miles. Miles's face was pale and his eyes looked a demon red from his cry. "Oh Miles!"  Alex gasped as he walked over to the distraught man. He hugged him and cooed him. Kissed his soft yet oily hair. Miles's heart rate rose whenever Alex kissed his head. "Are you tired Mi?" Alex asked softly seeing the man yawn. Miles shook his head and leant back to kiss Alex's chin. "Miles, why are you crying then?" Alex asked trying to get the man to talk to him, maybe then he'd not have to search around the mans brain. "I'm scared Alex. I want to stay with you forever. But you'll be gone soon." Miles confessed sadly. Alex's eyes widened. He'd known Miles to be upset about Alex's climb to fame and its perks. Yet this scared him "stay with you forever" replayed in Alex's head until Miles felt faint. "Mi?!" Alex asked worried as the man collapsed against him. Alex's cheeks were red but he was full of worry. He lay the sick man on the floor and ran to get James. After all he was the manager.

James opened his door, looking confused at Alex's pants and panicked face. "Are you okay Al? Looks like you saw a ghost!" James asked before Alex shook his head and tried to stop his pants before letting out "Miles...has...faint...fainted..." James went pale and went into his dressing room to get snacks and a pillow and to walk quickly to the bathroom with Alex. He hadn't told Alex this, but one night when Miles was smoking weed and Alex was at a bar with Alexa, Miles confessed he struggled with eating. James knew the boy hadn't eaten all day and possibly didn't come to lunch with the gang as he wanted to 'practice new songs'. In the bathroom James froze at the reality of this situation and saw Alex's lip quiver at the sight of Miles's dazed body. "It'll be okay Al...just need him to rest and to get that suit off." James smiled worriedly. Alex nodded. Alex knew Miles was an overworker, he would second doubt his own talents if he didn't practice enough. Alex went back to their dressing room to get Miles a bottle of water and some comfy clothes. While Alex did that, James put a pillow under Miles's head and checked the mans pulse, he was still with us. "Miles, stop scaring us and eat something everyday please." James whispered to the man on the floor. Miles groaned as he woke up. "Jesus. I fainted...did I bleed?" He asked, his head hurting badly and his whole body dazed and numb. "No you were saved by Alex." James smiled weakly before helping Miles eat a cereal bar. "Am sorry for causing a scene James. I just...I forgot to eat today because-" Miles apologised but then James cut in,
"Because you had to practice more? Miles Kane, you're good enough and if you think you're a terrible guitarist there's something wrong with you." Miles blinked, hazed by his fainting. He sighed and felt sick but was grateful James was helping him eat.

Alex came back in seeing Miles was awake and handed him the bottle of water. "We need to look after this man Alex. He's fragile." James sternly instructed. Alex just nodded, not looking at his pale and stick like friend. "Alexander. I love you" Miles apologised, trying to reach Alex's hand and getting Alex swatting it away. Miles's eyes widened, he had never felt a rejection from Alex. "What's wrong Alex? Did my fainting scare your love away?" Miles asked as tears threatened to fall. Alex didn't respond other than a shrug and James took as his time to leave. Alex glared at Miles, feeling like he was being used by this pale man. "You only fainted so I wouldn't leave you next week." Alex snarled. Miles gulped and shook his head. Of course not! He generally didn't eat all day! "Al...that isn't true you know that I love you. One day-" Miles whispered before Alex snapped, "Love me?! Love me?! You know I have a girlfriend and you're just my friend. A good friend." Miles felt like he had been stabbed in the chest by those words. Alex took it as a chance to leave him and to go to the party. Miles sat and sobbed and wished the man was lying.