Bad Habits

Trying again

That night the moon dazzled high in the sky. Like as if it was a spotlight to show the world 2 angels, or the two demons. Alex watched Miles sleep; knowing it'll all be for the best as he wanted Miles to be better soon. It still scared him that Miles was mentally unwell. This made Miles, fragile and a glass object your gran had and had many mythical stories on. In a small bag Miles had labelled "grab bag", Alex's eyes wandered like lost souls towards. It was begging to be open. Cautiously Alex opened it. His breath hitched in his throat. It looked a small backpack. One someone would use for a short hike. He decided to go through like he was entering Narnia.

Inside he met an inhaler, it's blue plastic was very familiar to Alex. Many times he had to help his best friend with it. He also saw bottles of pills; anti depressants and anxiety tablets. Alex nodded at the sight of the pills and then he saw a letter. It had the words "If I die or am unconscious please read." Alex gulped hesitantly as he opened the letter. He wasn't expecting it to be a suicide note.

To the person reading this,
My name is Miles Peter Kane. I have severe depression, generalised anxiety, anorexia and asthma. I tried my hardest in life. I've had many girlfriends and seen the world. If I'm dead, please try and contact Alex Turner; he was the one true love for me and please don't mention I died of suicide, say something stupid like car accident or murder - I can't bare to see him weep and beg for answers. If Alex Turner is reading this, I'm so sorry. Alex I loved you and you broke me when I felt we were something. If I'm unconscious or in a hospital please, make sure I get a healthy diet and that I take my medication. If Alex is here, he needs to rest rather than worry; he overthinks and the poor fan base are tired of seeing a man with dark circles and anxiety over me in hospital from my asthma.
Thank you
Miles

After Alex read the letter he wiped his eyes and whispered, "I'm sorry Miles, but I can't sleep knowing you're struggling." Before he kissed his forehead and stroked his cheek. Alex remembers those days, when he'd tease the frail man. Miles once said, "Alex I'm sick of pretending I'm straight." What if he wasn't joking? What if he is gay? Maybe bi? Alex kept overthinking it until he saw the sun come up.

Miles woke up around 8am, seeing Alex at the window watching the birds fly. He looked down at his bandaged hand and sighed. His self destructive behaviour had won again. "Morning Alex." Miles smiled quietly making Alex jump. Alex blushed and went over to Miles, stroking his hair. "I have something to ask of you." Miles whispered, fidgeting with his hands. Alex nodded and stopped stroking his hair. "Can you move in with me? I'm pretty sure you're single, I'm single. We could maybe make the perfect album." Miles asked. Alex's heart thumped and shattered. Alex felt anxiety and anger brewing then the nurse entered with Miles's breakfast and to check his vitals so Alex had to leave.

Miles during his vitals was given medication and the nurse mentioned Alex looking angry with a, "someone's been up all night." Miles just nodded bitterly knowing he'd gone to for in his assumptions about Alex. The breakfast was porridge and jam. The nurse knew Miles had anorexia so she stayed by his side while he ate slowly. "I think I overstepped the mark Andrea. He's not single." He confessed to the nurse. Andrea sighed and smiled sympathetically, "He will come round Miles. He just needs time. Like you did." Miles just sighed knowing, she was right. He didn't eat all his porridge, he wasn't hungry. The nurse just took the tray and went out to get Alex who had a very bitter face on.

Alex tried to keep his cool until he saw Miles looking out the window, he stepped in the room with a heavy stamp. Making Miles sick with anxiety. "Miles! Why don't you admit it, you're not single!" He hissed getting closer. Miles gulped and shook his head, "No I'm not and you know I'm not because....because I'm not interested in loving a bird." Miles stuttered. Alex got angrier and it caused Miles to whimper in distress. "THEN WHY ASK ME TO MOVE IN?! YOU THINK I WILL BE OBLIGED TO SEE YOUR GAY LIFE?!" Alex screamed. Miles went pale and tried to speak but he was stuck. "I LOVED YOU MILES YES! BUT YOU HAVE CHANGED!" Alex screamed which led to a nurse running in and grabbing Alex who was trying to fight them off so he could finish his scream, "I AM GUILTY ABOUT YOU, AND ALL YOUR ISSUES!" This made Miles sob loudly and his heart ached knowing it was his fault. If only he wasn't unwell then maybe Alex would love him.

Miles sat in his room crying as he took another cup of water. He hoped Alex loved him still. He was sorry Alex was guilty but he couldn't help his issues. Alex was definitely bisexual but in denial about everything. Miles went into his emergency bag and saw his letter was missing making him panic more. He took some deep breaths thinking Alex has took it, which shows he cares. He thinks. Alex soon came back in. "I'm so sorry Miles. I'm so selfish." He apologised before kissing his hands. Miles looked down and sighed. Tomorrow he'd be out of hospital. Today he was with a man who had a fast fuse. "It's okay Alex. I should've really told you." Miles whispered. Alex looked up and smiled weakly before sitting on the chair next to Miles's bed. "I lashed out because I kind of loved you from a far Miles." Alex confessed, this made Miles's heart stop beating. Alex loved him? Alex loved Miles?