Bad Habits

Reuniting Old Habits

Hey it's Jack here. This chapter features stuff on self harm and depression and anger issues. It hurt to write but I promise you it'll get happier

2015 - Present Day, Los Angles.
Miles took a long swig of his whiskey and sighed. He was alone, once more. The bird of last night had vanished into the day and had only left a small note which read: "I hate your pathetic ways of trying to charm me. Call me if you ever see women as real lovers rather than fillers." Now Miles was drinking heavily in his apartment, wishing he'd call or text. Even though it had been 2 years, Miles thought heavily of him. They were supposed to be a true couple two years ago. Yet he had to fuck it up.

*FLASHBACK TO 2013*
"Miles stop! We've got to write the last verse of this song!" Alex wheezed through fits of laughter as Miles tickled him and kissed his neck. Miles was screaming and laughing as well, then out of no where Alex's phone rang. "Aly...this is so unlike you!" Miles slurred drunkenly. Alex rolled his eyes at the teaser and watched as Miles got up to give him his phone "Tah, can you also get out the room...it's uhh me mum." Alex whispered before Miles gave him a confused stare and nodded. Alex thanked him before answering it. "Hey Arielle!" He sang out cheerfully. Miles's heart dropped into his stomach and shattered into a million parts. "Yes me and Miles are about done here, we'll meet you at the bar in an hour." Alex responded and Miles ran to his bathroom and locked the door and sobbed quietly. How could he have been so naive? "We'll get a booth, yes yes. Miles seems to have a good album here. I'll tell you more later. Bye" Alex hung up and went to the door to check Miles wasn't eavesdropping. "Mi? I've finished the call. You can tickle me again!" Alex called out. Miles was shaking and tears drowned his joy and drunken state from a few minutes ago, how he regretted Alex's free man stare sometimes. "Mi...this isn't funny!" Alex yelled out more before knocking on the bathroom door. Miles yelped and couldn't move. Alex didn't love him! Alex never loved him! Then the door opened...

Alex saw Miles sitting on the cold tiles of his bathroom and gasped. The pale young man hadn't noticed Alex's entrance and was shaking violently. His sleeves went up to his elbows and scars were visible. "Miles..." Alex could only say as he was worried. Worried his friend had been hurting for him. Alex thought it was obvious that he didn't love him. "Fuck, how did you get in?" Miles whispered tiredly, not looking up at Alex knowing it would be too much. "Door doesn't lock remember?" Alex explained and Miles just nodded and shifted so that Alex could kneel next to him. Love shouldn't hurt, not like this at least. "Why did you...cut?" Alex asked trying to find the right words to get Miles to confess. Miles didn't reply but only sobbed. Alex sighed and nodded letting the man put his head on his shoulder. "You thought you and I were a thing Miles? Like did I ever tell you I'm bi or gay or pan?" Alex asked continuing to try and pry answers from the pale man. "I loved you Alex yes. I can't help it. I wish you and I never met!" Miles spat before leaving to get back to his music. "Love shouldn't hurt. You shouldn't bleed for a man who's straight and never accepted you into lovers embrace." Alex sighed. Miles froze and turned to glare at Alex's truthful poetry. He didn't know how to respond other than to leave.

*BACK TO PRESENT DAY*
Miles stumbled over his mammoth size couch and groaned. He hated being alone. The pain was too much. Too heavy. Then his mobile phone shrilled out, it was an unknown number. "Fuckin hell a scammer wanting to say I've died!" Miles muttered lowly but answering regardless. "Hello Miles? Is that you?" A voice on the other end said, it numbed Miles up until Miles audibly gulped. "Yes that is me? Is that Alex Turner?" Miles answered slowly, getting up to pace the room. "I am calling as I heard from Sean that you're in town. Want to meet up?" Alex explained. Miles's heart raced as he froze at them words. "Miles?" Alex questioned the mans silence, worrying he'd given the man a heart attack. "Yes. Let's meet up at 6 at Leo's Bar." Miles whispered quickly and then hung up. Miles's heart was fluttering painfully. It had been 2 years. 2 years and he wants to meet.

Miles ran into his bedroom and opened his closet. "Fuck...what do I wear?!" Miles cried desperately, flicking through his colourful shirts. I came across a white button up and blue jeans. "They ain't that causal but not that flirty either. Guess they'll do." Miles muttered before pulling them on. He ran to his bathroom to comb his hair and grab his inhaler. Shaking with anticipation Miles put on his favourite record. Electric Prunes - Mass in F Minor. It reminded him of 2007. How he wanted to go back to 2007.

*FLASHBACK TO 2007*
Miles was by the record player blasting Electric Prunes. He silently sobbed when Kryie Elson was playing. He wished Agyness was here to slow dance to it. Alex walked in and smiled giving Miles a beer. "What's this you're sobbing to? Morrissey?" Alex asked picking up the sleeve. "They're The Electric Prunes. A french band. Agyness and I slow dance to this song." Miles smiled weakly. Alex nodded before glancing at Miles. He couldn't could he? He found his hips swaying by the wall and him reaching down to Miles's free hand. Miles laughed and the pair began slow dancing. "Can see why you slow dance to this." Alex grinned once the song was over. Miles just hugged him, inhaling his scent. Never wanting to let go.

*END OF FLASHBACK*
Miles reopened his eyes and cursed loudly it was 6:30pm. He was late. Yet Kryie Elson had began playing. "Alex I'm sorry to keep you waiting..." Miles muttered before turning up the volume on his record player and zoning out to slow dance to the song. He continued to slow dance the reminder of the album; before time could slow down for the drunk man it was 7pm. Miles saw that and cried out before smashing his glass on the table and leaving his hand to bleed. He gazed anxiously at the blood from the smashed cup and at his uncontrollable rage when he's late. His phone rang. Perfect timing! "Hello?" Miles sighed tiredly and anxiously, his hand hurting badly when he dug into his pocket for the phone. "Miles where are you? Are you cancelling me?" Alex asked angrily. Miles cursed under his breath "I asked Leo where you live and he gave me the address. I'm coming over." Alex snapped before hanging up. Miles sobbed painfully before clutching his bloody hand and falling to the floor. He needed to fix himself so Alex never found out.