Bad Habits

New world arises

Miles sat up and rubbed his face groaning nervously. He didn't know how to word his mind of erratic colour and patterns. He looked at Alex who was very patient with him, God how did he get a best friend whom he loved very much like him? He inhaled a shaky breath and closed his eyes. "Yes, it's true I wrote letters to my mother. It was incase I died or relapsed, to remind me of who I loved." He explained. Alex smiled at that, it wasn't at all stupid to write out your mind to people you loved without them knowing. In fact as a teenager a therapist convinced him to do the same when his anxiety was severe. "I wrote about my sexuality as I wasn't sure I was accepted. Part of my mind was disgusted as I dated so many girls and...how was I even into guys?!" He added, Alex nodded and hugged him making Miles sniffle and tears flowed slowly out of his beady autumn brown eyes. Alex hushed him and kissed his forehead, he accepted Miles with his heart and mind and wanted him to know that. "I love you Miles. I'll always love you." Alex whispered and made Miles sob in joy. It was true they were made for each other. Alex was Miles's medicine. His therapy even. "So Alexander will you be my boyfriend?" Miles asked quietly. This made Alex's heart flutter, he had waited years for that. "Yes Miles I will." He replied kissing him all over his cheeks. And Miles squealed excitedly like a child on Christmas morning.

They soon found themselves passionately kissing and hugging as they squeaked and squealed enthusiastically. Miles was on cloud 9! Alex was on cloud 9! "Babe you are mine!" Alex huffed after a kiss, trying to catch his breath "Are you mine oh mine?" Miles sung jokingly. Alex snorted embarrassingly, he was really using his art to tease him? "You are the colour of the trap sir!" Alex sung back laughing. Miles went bright red and froze up. They were perfection! Miles ran to the bathroom as he was gasping for breath after another 3 minutes of intense kissing. A panic attack was brewing. His stomach was twisting into knots. "Miiiii, come back!" Alex whined. Miles couldn't reply but he ran to his bathroom. He felt so bad but knew if he left it to over boil he would've terrified Alex.

Miles took some deep breaths and all that went through him:
I wanted you to know
You're the only one that bent me
This far out of shape
Don't make no mistake
I'm a liar, a cheat
A leech, a thief
He wanted to be wrong. So wrong. He wanted to be happy with Alex. But his stomach felt other ways. Alex most likely had a girlfriend. He lied to Miles to make him feel less lonely. But why would he make him bend back and lock his honey chapped lips? Surely he was robbing Alex of valuable love time? Then there was a knock on the bathroom door. Miles yelped in fright as he stepped out his trance. "Babe? Are you okay? You've been in here 15 minutes..." Alex asked, the worry was evident in his voice. "Yes fine puppet, I'm just needing a moment." He replied quickly. He felt so awkward now, his poor prince was worrying. Alex just let out an okay then mentioned he was going to bed. "You better not snore!" Alex added before leaving. Miles sighed and looked in the mirror. His eyes looked awful but sleeping would definitely help so he splashed his face in water and went to his bedroom.

Alex looked at him anxiously. He had every right to be nervous. "Babe I'm fine. Just anxious you have a bird..." Miles confessed before jumping into bed. "Hey, it's okay Mi, I don't have one you're my only one. Don't worry!" Alex sighed hugging him tightly and kissing his neck. Miles moaned slightly and believed that. He knew Alex was single. "Babe, I've always loved you." He mumbled as Alex began leaving unhideable love-bites. Alex hummed proudly. And after marking Miles he yawned and flopped back on the bed. "Night Alexander." Miles whispered. Before kissing his cheek and flicking the light off. "Night turtle..." Alex mumbled back, smiling contently at his boyfriend.

At 4am, Alex woke up to Miles's snoring. God he was loud! But this gave him a chance to admire his angel. He grabbed some paper from the side and began to write:
I just sort of always feel sick without you baby
I ain't got anything to lick without you baby
Nothing seems to stick without you baby
Alex scoffed at his soppiness. He was no hopeless romantic. Yes Miles was indeed his but, he wasn't a soft puppy. "All my pals will tell me I'm crazy...you bet I'm loopy...alright." Alex sung softly as he stroked Miles's cheeks. He has to protect his turtle. His turtle was like a glass object a grandmother would give you and say it was something from her own grandparents and it's pasted down generations and everyone in the family knows why it's so special. This glass object would shatter if you weren't careful. The glass could also not be fixed if broken as it was so rare. Alex sighed softly and placed the paper on his bed side table and went back to sleep. Having a flashback hit him like a spotlight marking a place to stand on stage.

*FLASHBACK TO 2009*
It was a rainy day when Alex got that call. It was from Greg. It was weird because he and Greg rarely ever spoke. Not that they hated eachother. "Yes?" Alex answered Greg told him Miles had announced the breakup of The Rascals and now wasn't answering calls or texts. "Hold on, I'm coming over." Alex panicked. He secretly loved and admired Miles, he was everything he wished. A talented yet undiscovered writer. Greg told him how Miles seemed very unwell and deep in drugs which made Alex sob and curse. How could he get like this? He knew it would take 2 hours to get to Miles's Liverpool apartment but he had to save him!

At Liverpool, with the help of Greg and Joe, he got to Miles's apartment. He banged on the door. No answer. His heart raced. He tried to open the door. It opened easily. He saw the flat was bare but plastic bags and needles scattered the floors and tables. No! No! NO! Alex went into Miles's bedroom seeing his best friend unconscious. He was barely alive. "MILES KANE!" He sobbed before turning to Joe to say to call an ambulance immediately. Joe was as numb and scared as Alex but he bravely called for an ambulance.

Miles miraculously survived, yet he was lucky. Like Iggy Pop he had a long road and new promises to make. That was the first time he went to rehab. Promising he would never take drugs again, yet the glass had shattered and been superglued many times after.

At 7am Miles woke up and saw Alex fast asleep, with tear tracks on his face. Miles was so guilty! He had made his best friend and now boyfriend cry himself to sleep! "I'm so sorry Alex... why didn't you wake me?!" Miles sniffled before spooning the smaller man and saw the paper on the side. He read it and snorted. He knew Alex wouldn't cry over being soppy, but maybe the fears had eaten him alive. That ate away at Miles, slowly and slightly. Even though he knew he loved him.