Cracks

Confinement- Presley's POV

Presley's POV-

I winced as soon as I came back into the kitchen. The smell was making me nauseous, the loud clanking of the dishes was hurting my head, and my stomach was in complete knots over the food that I had eaten. Plus, my mother was acting like a nutcase once again... This was certainly not the best way to start out the day.

"Get over here and help me dry," mom told me. "You've got to learn how to be a good woman to make a decent wife to a good man one day."

I had so many quips on the tip of my tongue over that misogynistic statement. I could have said something along the lines of her having no idea how to do that obviously since there was no ring on her finger. I could have said something about feminism and not needing a man. I could have said something about what if it wasn't a man that I wanted to make happy one day. I could have even said something about believing that it is both partners in a relationship should be responsible for housework. Instead, however, I walked over, picked up the clean dish towel, and did as she said.

It wasn't out of respect, fear, or disinterest that I chose not to pick that fight with her... It was out of knowing that it would do nothing for us, and it would set her off. My mom was a ticking time bomb. Plus, she was already set in her ways. Any arguments with her would be useless and only make the both of us mad. It would probably even send her over the edge and cause her to do something drastic.

Used to, when I was younger, I would sit there and argue with her to kingdom come over the weird ideals she had convinced herself of. I would argue until I was blue in the face trying to tell her that her way was not the only way. It had taken a lot of fights, breakdowns, lashing out and 'punishments' before I realized that it was a waste of breath to argue with someone that had no desire to see the world any differently. It was a waste of time and energy to fight with someone who was so convinced that she was right, no matter what.

My mother was a very black and white sort of person. There were no 'gray' areas in her mindset. There was always right, and there was always wrong. The problem with that is that it was always her version of right and her version of wrong. There was no debating with her, there were no 'what ifs' with her, and there was no trying to get her to see it differently.

I had learned at the age of thirteen that if you did something that she deemed as an absolute wrong, no matter who you were, you would be dropped from her life with no questions. She had told me as much when I mistakenly asked the hypothetical question of what if I didn't only like boys... Would she still love me? She told me that she would throw me out and never speak to me again. I had to genuinely convince her that it was only a hypothetical question, I hadn't actually meant it. At the time, it really had been just a question... I mean, I was thirteen and confused about hormones and liking people. I was seeking validation and comfort at the time. Instead, I came out of the conversation with more questions and a fear of being rejected if I was anything other than straight. I knew a lot of people had parents like that, so I hadn't thought much of it at the time.

If it were that simple, that would be one thing. I'd grow up, move out, set my own way of life. However, it was not that simple, and the thing about my mom was that she was in a constant transition. She 'reinvented' herself at least once a month, so the things that she believed one week would not be the thing that she believed the next. One week it was one thing, the next it was another... It was so exhausting.

It was apparent that she had 'morals' and a firmly set compass for herself. However, her 'morals' changed weekly based on who she was with, what she was doing, and what goal she had set for herself that time. The only constant thing throughout her life had been me, but she was even willing to throw me out if I stepped into something that she had deemed as wrong. That was apparent with what happened with Brad.