Bitter sweet (Spencer Reid x Reader)

F i v e

CONTENT WARNINGS: Mentions of rape and torture

The next week you walk into the BAU and sit at your desk you spent the rest of last week trying to keep your distance from the team

You sit at your desk and Reid doesn't even glance up at you he hasn't spoken a word to you since what happened at your apartment and I think the team is starting to notice

"Hey mama hows your morning" Derek greets

"Just peachy" you say bitterly

"What no snarky come back?" He chuckles

"Not really in the mood to chit chat I came here to work not be your bestie" you say

"Uh okay then" he says and walks away

Garcia comes up to your desk with a big smile on her face

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! OH MY GOD TONIGHTS GONNA BE SO MUCH FUN WERE GONNA HAVE CAKE AND BALLOO-"

"Just get over my god damn birthday already Garcia I don't want a fucking party" you snap your trying so hard to hide your micro expressions and also not cry

"Oh okay I didn't mean-"

You get up and head to the break area you try to hide the pain in your face from treating Penelope like that you love her so much and seeing the smile fade from her face broke your heart. You try to make yourself a coffee until you feel someone grab your arm and pull you away

"Spencer what the let go of me" you say

He takes you into an empty break room and shuts the door

"What the hell is going on with you?" He asks angrily

"I don't know what you're talking about" you say

"You've been acting weird ever since the day at the bank, first you blow up on me and say what happened was a mistake and fine maybe you do think that but why the hell are you being such a bitch to our friends?" he says

"You're fucking crazy I'm not acting like a bitch to anyone" you try to leave but Spencer blocks the door

"Spencer move"

"No not until you tell me why you're blocking us out" 

"I'm not" you say getting in his face

"Yes. You. Are" he says in your face

"It's just fucking time you all realize that I'm not a good fucking person and the sooner you all realize that, the sooner we can all get on with our lives" you say

"Do give me that bs Y/N you're doing this for a reason because this isn't you, the way you yelled at Penelope like that you never would have done that a few days ago so what the hell happened the day of the bank?" He says

"You got blown up"

"No it's more than that I know it,  you pushing yourself away from everyone isn't going to help whatever you have going on" he says

"I don't have anything going on Reid just let it go"

"Y/N you can't push us out"

"You can't be a part of my life Reid don't you get that"

"Why not Y/N what are you so afraid of?"

"You!.  I'm afraid of caring about you. Because after I was tortured in Iraq I came here and I met you and the team I'm afraid of letting you in because I know if I do it's only a matter of time before you get hurt and I can't let that happen because I know if I let you in I'll want to tell you everything and tell you that, no, I don't think our night together was a mistake because you made me feel safe in your arms and you made me feel like I wasn't disgusting and gross after those men raped me in Iraq after that happened I thought I was this disgusting person that no one would ever want to touch again but then you made me feel the most comfortable and safe than I had felt in a really long time I'm afraid that if I let you in I'll end up losing-"