cigarettes after sex

starry eyes

The crackle of the fire on a rainy evening. A glass of lukewarm milk. The rustle of leaves and the whistle of the wind on a cold afternoon. The hushed beat of the rain, its sound washing the whole world away. The fresh breath of a book, the hard lines of its bind. Life was full of such moments and this was just one of them. Jaehyunh had to read all kinds of books for school, but there's only one he had read outside of the confines of his education and he carried it almost everywhere. Sometimes rereading single paragraphs, sometimes just stroking its hardcover, this book was the compass that got him through the adventures of a single day, it was his safe place and sanctuary. When he felt too self-conscious, he hid behind its pages, when he felt disconnected, he felt his fingers along its strong bind. Now it was enough that he knew it was here, by his side, that he was not alone in his struggles, that this book was a friend, a lover and parent. And it was here to share this moment with him. The last rays of a setting sun. Their warm caress, their tender touch. Their attempts to immerse Jaehyun's face in its orange light. He didn't resist it, and it was first only his head, but then his neck, shoulders, chest, plunging Jsehyun part after part in its soft hot broth. He wanted to unfold, dive into the sea of light, to keep it from fading. But it was exactly because of the impermanence of this experience that he treasured it, that he enjoyed it so much. The sun, just like him, was away carrying a burden too heavy for its shoulders the whole day, now it finally said "Enough", now it had come to claim our praise and appreciation, now it had come to take, and it did, it took Jaehyun's love away with it. he felt empty, he felt numb but it was a pleasant feeling, it was nurturing, in a sense, it was as vital to him as it was for the sun. Would Jaehyun not be there to give, the sun would not be there to take, the world would cease its existence, grow cold, freeze and fall to pieces. And it had to be a secret, people had to remain oblivious because else something terrible would happen, something Jaehyun didn't dare to trigger. He held out his arm, stretched his hand towards the shrinking blotch of the sun and it kept shrinking, the sun was trickling out of his fingertips, it was flowing out of him, the last tears gathering there to take off, to follow their setting master. He dropped his hand. The door behind him gave a screech, he turned his eyes at it and saw it opening. His glance clambered up an unfamiliar foot and leg, up to an identically unfamiliar torso, shoulders and a face. He uttered a gasp, all this time he had spent here, he had spent it in the conviction that this place was known to him only. That nobody else trusted himself enough onto the roof, that somehow, nobody ever thought of going there. But it was only wishful thinking because he just saw someone else, that wasn't him, that wasn't his only friend ty, that was a stranger and he was real."Jaehyun, I take it?"Jaehyun studied the unfamiliar face. It had two unobtrusive, faint indications of cheekbones, a short straight nose, two large eyes, peaking through the narrow scars of the lids. The face was planted high, and seemed rather small from beneath. "Did Taeyong send you?", Jaehyun voiced his first suggestion," Tell him I'm fine by myself. No offense, you're probably nice and mean well but it's just that I'm better off by myself"The sun was meanwhile low, glimpsing through the net of vertical iron structures, scattering its rays lavishly across the metallic roofs. Jaehyun wondered if the iron absorbed the light and it was why there was so little of it now. "Oh, now offense taken. Do you mind if I sit here?"The stranger was already folding himself beside Jaehyun but he said anyway, "Actually, I do. But whatever""I'm Johnny"Jaehyun didn't look up, he lit up a cigarette, it had a shape that seemed strange to Johnny, and wedged it in between his lips. His fingers closed around a rather triangular shape and took it out, offering it to the dark-hairedintrudor. Receiving it, he copied Jaehyun's movements, inhaled, and relaxed. "Aren't you this one class president everyone seems so interested in?"The sun was sinking deeper into the dark depths of the city, banding the darkening sky with an opalescent purple, a streak of color that drew the red particles from the city and Jaehyun's expressionless face."I am your class president indeed"Johnny passed on the cigarette. Jaehyun received it with a chuckle," Aren't you supposed to call on me?"The world was on the brink of death and a trerribly painful renewal and all Jaehyun could feel was the complete absence of every known feeling, the serenity of knowing that soon everything would be over. That there was nothing to worry about anymore, no one to drag one down, and one could only soar up, higher into the dark void of the sky. "Drugs are prohibited on school premises. But it's just weed""Whatever"Jaehyun had an impulse to reach out for the last bits of light that still reached him, to feel them on his fingertips, to bath his fingers in light as he did before. He was anxious to see the sun go. He wished it would stay, he felt lonely, more so in Johnny's presence, and he needed the sun to remind him how important it was that Jaehyun stayed there and waited for it to return in the morning. "What do you mean by everyone's interested in me?"Johnny was fluttering his eyelashes timidly, but Jaehyun could not see that, he was looking out for the sun."I think you know quite well what I mean by that""And I think that you're not as nice as ty promised you would be"Jaehyun directed his glance at Johnny. "I'm sorry if I-", he did not sound sorry,"-hurt your feelings. Maybe next time somebody tells you they want to be alone, you might as well consider actually leaving them alone"Johnny was strangely unabashed. "Ah, a hard-ass""Tell me-", Jaehyun paused, took a drag, then went on,"has no one ever said no to you before?"He blew out the smoke and Johnny stared at his carefully structured face. The sharp corners of his jaw, the reminder of bone hiding underneath, the sharpness it lent to his face, sharpness balanced out by a fair amount of softness, something slightly out of the ordinary that gave him an air of someone completely contrary to his manner, which was quite disarming. He contemplated. "Actually no, because if you knew me better", he then started as Jaehyun cut in,"-that's the thing, I don't want to know you any better".He had another go at it," Sure, but if you d-", as Jehyun interrupted him again,"But sadly I don't want to""Are you always such a pain in the ass?"Jaehyun budged, it was a subtle shake of his shoulder, a slow but exact motion of his hand afterward, and the ripple starting from it, reaching his elbow where it clashed with unmoving stillness of his shoulder as he ground the cigarette into the silver ashtray. He wasn't facing Johnny anymore and j was still watching the side of his face, not expecting any reply in particular."Do you need me to vote for you or something?", Jaehyun said, however. "I've already been elected"He sat up straight against the wall and sighed. "Well if it's really Taeyong you're doing this for then you have my permission to stop."