Another

Chapter 27: Sad Eyes

My head is on my mothers lap. Her gaze is soft, and her hand on my head is a welcome weight. Her lips are moving, but I can’t hear her. She’s trying to tell me something. I shake my head no, the motion small and meaningless. Her face tightens, and her eyes shine. She closes them, her eyelashes brushing against her cheeks. She seems so sad. Almost as sad as the day oto-san passed away on that winter morning long ago. Is it my fault again? 

    I try to ask her if she’s alright, but everything feels heavy and slow. Every time I open my mouth, the words just float away. And my mother’s eyes stay shut. 

    She smooths my hair down. Distantly, I can recall the time I got the scar on my forehead. One of the youngest, I can’t remember who anymore, had been playing too close to the fire. Okaa-san had set a kettle of water on the fire, and, without thinking, I had managed to safely pull my baby sibling out of harm's way. It burned so much, the pain, but all I could think of was the look on my sibling's face. The tears. The apologies. And yet, through it all, I could only feel relief, for my family was safe. 

    Something wet landed on my face and slid down my cheek. Ah, I hadn’t even realized I closed my eyes. But I was too tired, and too comfortable here to open them. I felt safe here. The safest I felt in years. Was it wrong of me to want to stay here, just for a bit longer? With my mother? With my family? 

    My mom cradled me closer to her, hugging me to her chest. I gripped the front of her clothes, breathing in deeply. I missed her. I missed everyone. How I would love to eat a meal with them, just one more time. To sleep in the same room, listening to their breaths and little snores. To hear the youngest bicker out in the garden over the smallest of things. I missed it all. Their smiles. Their voices.

Everything. 

I thought of the time I first held Nezuko. The first time I held all my baby siblings. So small! How could I not love them with all my heart? They became my world. 

Okaa-san brushed the hair back from my face, and pressed her lips against my temple. They were cold, but welcome. I can’t remember how I got here, but I’m happy. I wouldn’t mind staying here forever. 

“No.” 

I opened my eyes. “Okaa-san?”

“No,” my mother murmured. Tears still flowed down her face, catching the light from an unknown source. She caressed the side of my face and kissed the tip of my nose. “You can’t stay, Tanjiro.” 

I covered her hand with my own. Holding on tightly. “Why can’t I stay here with you?” 

My mother smiled. Even though she silently cried, she smiled through it all. “Because,” she hugged me tightly in her arms, “Nezuko is waiting for you.” 

And just like that, it was over. My mother was gone, and with her went the warmth my family carried with them. I didn’t realize just how lonely I was without them until they were taken from me for a second time. 

The room I was in was dark, but I could see just fine. As far as I could tell, I’ve never been here before. The room was unfamiliar. There was a faint trace of medicinal herbs in the air, it’s earthiness helping clear my head a little. Based on what I gathered, this was probably a hospital of some sort; and judging by how my entire body burned every time I moved, I was injured somehow. 

I cranked my head up, cringing from how my neck cracked with the action. Maybe I had bandages or something that could  help jog my memory and maybe figure out what happened to me.