you first {minsung} DISCONTINUED

sixty-six.

Jisung stopped by the gym before school started, successfully getting one of the cheerleaders there to lend him some of her foundation. He hurried to the bathroom, washing the blood off his cheek and applying enough makeup so that the forming bruise on his face was unnoticeable.

Once he thought he had done a good enough job, he inspected his face, suddenly self conscious of the makeup and the outfit and everything else about himself.

Why wasn't he good enough to earn his mother's love and approval? Why wasn't he good enough to make his dad want to stay?

Jisung took a deep breath, closing his eyes and forcing himself to bury the emotions that were all coming up. Today wasn't supposed to be about himself and his shitty family problems. It was about showing Minho how much he cared about him and making sure Minho didn't feel taken advantage of or unimportant. Because to Jisung, Minho was the most important person in his life - and he wanted to make sure Minho knew that. 

As Jisung turned to leave the bathroom, he took one last look at himself in the mirror, satisfied that he couldn't see a single trace of the mark his mom had left on his cheek, although he could still feel it perfectly.

Jisung swung the bathroom door open and stepped out into the hallway, into the ocean of students who all had busy, meaningful lives that had nothing to do with Jisung. And yet here he was, worried that every single one of them were staring at him and judging him.

Jisung hung his head, determined to just find his friends.

Since it was the last day of school, there weren't actually classes. Well, no one went to them, at least. So Jisung didn't actually have to show up to any of his classes. He was just here to hang out with his friends (and hopefully to work up the courage to confess to the one and only Lee Minho).

As Jisung walked down the hallway, searching for familiar faces whilst still having his head hung low, he noticed a few eyes trailing after him. Normally, he wore outfits that were basic as fuck and he never did his makeup in public. The combination of the statement makeup look and the statement clothing look (especially the chains and the rainbow beanie, which were quite out of character for Jisung) definitely made people notice him more than usual. 

Maybe they didn't know who he was and they were just now seeing him for the first time since he tended to blend in so much in the past, or maybe it was the fact that the Jisung they had known before had transformed.

Sure, Jisung dressed up a little bit edgier for rapping showcases. But that didn't count! Everyone at JYP Performing Arts High School understood that who people were on the stage was most likely completely different than who they were off it.

Plus, the biggest factor that was affecting Jisung's confidence was the fact that he wasn't out. That was the simplest way to put it. No one but Felix and Minho (and maybe Chan and Changbin, if they had picked up on it yet) knew he was gay. That wasn't exactly public information.

And here he was, literally wearing a rainbow on his head. Plus he was wearing makeup - and not just some subtle idol-like makeup look that a fair amount of other boys wore sometimes. No, he had full-on smoky eyes with a bit of eyeliner and lip tint and of course the foundation that he just put on in the bathroom.

It was safe to say that Jisung was out of his comfort zone today.

And it definitely didn't help that his brain, which was already swirling with insecure thoughts, was also becoming tangled with fears and worries about not only confessing to Minho but just talking to and seeing Minho in general.

Jisung hated when he got stuck in this state of mind. He wished his brain didn't hate him so much. He just wanted to be able to be in public and be comfortable in his own skin. But he was a stupid teenager, and that paired with the fact that he kind of had a shitty home life just made him sad sometimes.