you first {minsung} DISCONTINUED

forty-eight.

"Felix, hi," Changbin said quietly, smiling gently as he opened his front door to find the younger Australian standing there with a large grin on his face and a pan of brownies in his hands. 

"I brought you a treat," Felix sang, stepping into Changbin's house. Changbin closed the door behind the freckled boy, wondering how he had been lucky enough to get a friend like Felix. 

"You didn't have to," Changbin protested, practically drooling at the delicious dessert Felix was carrying. 

"I know. But I wanted to." 

The two boys sat down on Changbin's couch, immediately digging in to the pan of brownies. 

Within a few minutes, they had literally eaten the entire pan, which turned their smiles and giggles from being together into grimaces and groans from eating just a little too much sugar. 

"How are you doing?" Felix asked once the dessert was gone and they were both a few pounds fatter. 

"I'm fine."

Felix raised an eyebrow. "And that tells me that you're not. So what's going on?" 

Changbin sighed, looking down at his hands as he absentmindedly played with his fingers. "Really, I'm fine," he tried to assure the younger boy, but he sounded anything but confident in his words, and Felix didn't look convinced. 

"Hey." Felix put an arm on Changbin's wrist, squeezing it gently. "You can talk to me." 

Changbin sighed again. Everything, all of his emotions, it had all been building up inside of him for so long, but he shouldn't complain. Right? Hyunjin had always told him that he shouldn't-

"Fuck Hyunjin." 

Felix's eyes widened. "Huh?" he asked, surprised at the sudden outburst. 

Changbin threw his arms in the air, taking in a deep breath before literally going off. "Fuck Hyunjin!" he yelled. "Fuck Hwang Hyunjin, that lying, hypocritical bastard. I don't need him. I've never needed him. Not once was he there for me like he should have been, and I'm done pretending like he was the only good thing in my life when I have you, and I have your amazing brownies, and I have Minho and Jisung and beer and carousels and medium-rare steak and Christmas trees and baby kittens and Mario Kart and german chocolate pecan pie and socks and pillows and autumn and winter and spring and summer and weird, stupid things that are popping into my head for some reason! So yeah! Fuck Hyunjin, and not in the sexual way. Ew. That's kind of gross to think about. Definitely never going to fuck him. But that doesn't mean I don't want him to fuck off!" 

This outburst had caused Felix to almost cry from giggling so much. He couldn't help it; Changbin was just so undeniably adorable and defiant - but despite how much Changbin was smiling, Felix could tell that something deeper and more raw was bothering him. 

"What sparked this fuck-Hyunjin-fire?" Felix asked quietly, not in a joking way but instead in an 'I care about you so much and just want the best for you' way. 

Changbin glanced at Felix, noticing the way his eyes were filled with concern. 

"I, uh, just talked to him at school today, but it's whatever. It's nothing." Changbin waved a hand nonchalantly, desperately trying to pretend that he was unbothered. But although Felix hadn't known him for that long, he knew him well enough to understand that he was hurting. 

Felix took Changbin's hand in his own, intertwining their fingers. 

"Okay," Changbin sighed once the physical contact had broken some of his barriers. "Fine, it's not nothing. It's just. . . ." 

"Just what?" 

"It's hard. It's hard because I really don't want to admit this, but I'm not fully over Hyunjin. I know he's an awful person and all, but I truly did have real feelings for him, and those kinds of things are hard to just let go. So I hate seeing him and feeling that a part of me still wants to be the one hanging out with him, hugging him and holding his hand and kissing him and being loved by him. A part of me wants him. And that terrifies me, Felix." Changbin squeezed Felix's hand hard, blinking quickly so the tears wouldn't fall. 

Felix pouted his lip. He didn't quite know what to say. Beyond anything, he didn't want Changbin to be hurting like this, but he also didn't know how to help him. 

So he settled with a quiet "I'm sorry" and a giant bear hug. 

And that seemed to suit Changbin just fine. 

A/N I'm really sorry that the chapter is so short; this was supposed to be part of the last chapter but a few things about it just wasn't working out so I cut it out of the last chapter so I could keep working on it. And now here it is, in all its glory. i guess. 

anyway i've decided that since this chapter is really short, to make it up to y'all imma fully prewrite a bunch of chapters since i have everything planned out and then i'll maybe update a lot in the next week maybe possibly? who knows

aight bye