Different Now - Omegaverse Bakudeku

loose ends

izuku-

i started writing in 1st person and didnt realize i was until i was like donE so were not gonna talk about it-

My fingers tapped in rhythm, the oils from them stamping the same four places again and again. The small bell at the top of a slim green door shook out of surprise. It lead the customers of Choma's Soba bar to subconsciously wonder who else was craving the same things they were. 

"This isn't working Todoroki. We're just too different and I need time to focus on my studies." I had rehearsed it a million times in my mind. Keep it short and sweet, no hidden meanings, no guilt tripping. We have barely been 'dating' for three months. It's not that serious. I had made my mind up of that fact long ago, or I thought I had. I still didn't look to see who made the bell at the edge of the café's entrance sound its pitiful alarm. I knew it was him. I knew my time of rehearsing and calming myself had come to an end. 

The hairs on the back of my neck rose, soon all of my skin prickled even though a chill in the air was lacking. 

  I swallowed hard and down went the hope that I would be able to keep my earlier mentioned calm. My heart rattled hard in the pit of my stomach and before I could turn to confirm my fears, a chilled hand slipped behind the dip of my back as I leaned forward in my chair. Next, a kiss was stamped quickly to my hair line. 

He had never done that before. 

I stuttered out a hello before passing him a confused glance. "What's that?" It was an odd way of questioning him, I admit, but it was all I could manage at the time. Guilt stung in my fingertips as I curled the corner of a napkin under my thumb. 

Maybe he dose care? Maybe it's not a hopeless connection. 

I struggled not to laugh out loud at myself. How desperate had I allowed him to make me? I was grasping at meaningless straws just so I could almost imagine being loved by him? It's such a small thing.

 I shouldn't think about it too much. 

I know exactly what I came here to do. 

He tilted his head, giving me a look of confusion. "Just trying something new. I wont do it if you don't like it." 

He never sugar coated anything, not trying to soften a blow in any way. I think that's why part of me is so comforted by him. Never having to guess, never having to wonder, to regret. His eyes traced over my face quickly, as if he was scared to look at me too hard. Maybe he was simply scared to notice my flaws. I could understand that. I watched as he worked through the menu, his hands adorned by two slim rings on his pointer and ring fingers and an expensive looking watch clasped around his other wrist. He scratched at the back of his neck quickly and I watched the muscles in his arm tense as he did. I wanted to touch him. Knowing him, he wouldn't mind, he would only want to know why. As cold as he may be, I think it's partly my fault for not getting to know the warmth in him. And I know that for every time I could call him distant and passive the same could be said for me. I think that Shoto is the type of person to call me out on something like that and it terrifies me. 

I could love Shoto todoroki. 

I think I could unconditionally love him. The kind that makes you struggle to breathe at the thought of not having them and the kind that could make me go insane. The kind of love  that could make me scared of loving anyone else for the mere chance that he could one day love me back.

 I think I could love him the way that I loved katsuki.

 And that is the last thing I want. 

"I'm actually not going to order anything. I came here to talk to you.. about us, you know?"

Shoto looked around awkwardly for a moment, setting the laminated menu back against the table. "About us?"