All Of Us - Part 1: Summer

Chapter 13 - Throwback

- Dæor -

"You need to move your leg a bit more forwards to gain a better balance." I do as he says and try again.

"See ? That's much better." He moves behind me and pushes against my back. "Straighten up," he mutters.

I swallow and push my chest out. He's strict on posture. Too strict, some say, but it's a price to pay for his excellent help.

"Alright, I can tell you're out of energy. Go get something to eat, it's almost dinner time anyways."

"Ok, Liam."

I nod at him in gratitude and walk out the door. Wiping the sweat off of my forehead, I marvel at the sheer luck we have. Before Liam, we were a bunch of ragtag teenagers who all hated the Crown. After his arrival, we were still a band of teens who hated the King - but we had kick. Keiti knew how to fight, and tried to teach as many people as possible, but she wasn't really a teacher and had especially learned close combat techniques. Liam taught us much more - and he allows us to beat the Guard at their own game.

My footsteps have led me to nowhere. I am still undecided. Should I eat ? Nah, I'm not really that hungry. I plant my foot and spin around. To the library !

I push open the door and peak in, hoping that no one is inside. I sigh with relief. Empty. They must all be at that party-thing.

Something catches my eye, and I saunter in. A book with a faded purple cover is placed on one of the makeshift shelves, in broad sight. Huh ? That's weird. I'm pretty sure no one knows of this book but Keiti, and she would never put it in view. I gently take the book and place it in its spot: behind two rows of novels on the remotest shelf.

I run my hand on the spines and gaze at the titles. Feminine Power. The Inherent Injustice of the Crown. Brave. A Brief History of the Opening. So many books... It was actually the first thing that I had done. Before the rebel group was populated enough to be called a group - we were more of a rebel pair - it was just the two of us. Keiti and I. We couldn't do much, so what we did was collect forbidden books. We began after nine months of living in the forest together, surviving on berries and ideas. When we stumbled upon the caves, we decided to settle down and start to fight. Ideas are good enough, but we need concrete actions to truly make a change. My mind flits back to the notebook, and I dismiss the thought.

What we had decided to do was to gather all of the books which were explicitly forbidden by the Crown. Many people, scattered all across Methron, had shelves full of these in the hidden depths of their homes. We struggled at first to gain trust, but through careful work, we managed to create a network of book smugglers. And every work entering the system fell into our hands. Like mother like son, I suppose.

I gaze at the shelves lining the walls. They're mismatched - some wood, some metal, some plaster, all in relatively bad shape - and line the four walls. Objectively, the only things that are somewhat esthetically pleasing in this room are the books themselves, even though many are older than the Ruby King himself. I chuckle. It's really crazy, what people will hold onto and keep for decades, despite their deeply forbidden nature. Human stubbornness... It's definitely something that helped me believe in humanity once again. My chuckles become a smile as I think of Keiti. Ah, she is so incredibly stubborn. It sometimes blows my mind away. But when I met her in the woods, it was a wonderful thing. It was wonderful to see that humanity had resilience, a resilience that I could turn against the King.

The Outer Continent. Our Pre-History. The Cracks in Lassheso. Servhood. My hand pauses without my consent. What if... Without fully thinking it through, I carefully ease the book away from the other ones. I turn it over in my hands and graze the cover. Its leather is worn, and its ink is faded, the book falling apart. My fingers trace the title, a move I could recreate with my eyes closed. Servhood. How can such a simple word carry so much pain ?

I walk to the old armchair we were given and sink into it. The book opens and, literally, a cloud of dust puffs out. I cough and wave my hand. Last time I read it... It was a while ago. This book makes me too emotional. I usually avoid it.

"Servhood is a modern and legal form of slavehood. Maybe the worst of it all is the legitimacy it is given: the Servs are willing workers, ready to serve their Isfalt, and, by extension, their King."

A rush of memories flows into my head. The Isfalt snarling at my mother, his hand hitting Bo, and his low, rumbling voice underlying it all: "Do not forget this is for your King."

I close the book. It's too hard. I thought I could, but I can't. My heart begins to throb, quickly followed by my head. I can feel my headache unfurling, pusling, reveling in my pain. I sink deeper into the chair, trying to find the comfort I had felt so profoundly as I opened the book. I shut my eyes and start to curse interiorly. What was going through my mind to open such a thing ? I fold in half and my head lands in between my knees.

"Dæor ?"

"What ? What ?!" I snap, turning towards her.

Keiti rubs her wrists together and stares at me, her eyes wide. "Are you ok ?"

"Yes ! Yes, I'm ok, alright ? What in the name of Sheso are you doing here ?"

"I was... I was looking for you. And the door was open, so I had a look here." Shit. "I wanted to see if you wanted to join the party."

"The party ?" My mind is blank for a moment before I react. I open my mouth, ready to spew out a flood of insults and curses, before I remember the last time Keiti and I had a fight. And the before-last time we had a fight.

"No, Keiti, I won't be going," I end up replying, my voice as civil as I can manage.

"At least grab a bite to eat-"

"Don't push it."

She doesn't even seem startled. She must be used to this by now. "Alright." She turns around and leaves. It's as she slams the door behind her that I realize that I wanted her to stay. How am I going to get rid of this feeling without her ?

How do I forget ?