Seasons (Four Shots)

Summer

"The Burning Kiss"

The leaves are healthy green as they form and stack up against one by one on the branches of the trees. It's the time of the year where the trees start coating themselves with layers of green leaves. Ah...here comes the heat. I can feel the passion of the mighty sun as it radiates its burning rays all over the whole place. People start shedding their layers of clothing and stick to one or two whenever they go outside, as you will toast in the sun if you go out wearing clothes that are too thick. The pavements and roads are smoking hot so everyone is careful about what shoes they wear, and going to the gym is a nightmare. Sweat plus the summer heat is not a very pleasant combination.

But that's exactly what I am doing. I am inside my gym room, on my yoga mat, concentrating and breathing deeply to maintain my yoga position. My whole body is burning hot and I am sweating buckets but I don't care as I followed the instructions of the person doing the yoga in the video I'm watching, displayed on my television. I'm wearing a hairband, leggings, and a sports bra for this session. I am relieving all my stress, regrets, and anger. Hopefully, with all the sweat I perspired, all my madness and anxiety go with it as well. But I guess exercising isn't always the best solution. I am soaking wet from all the exercise but not an ounce of my feelings had been removed.

I turned the TV off and saw my red and swollen eyes. I got this from crying all night last night. They're practically bloodshot. Not only that, because my whole face was a mess. I'm so tired from the yoga but I can't seem to forget anything that happened.

He's engaged. The man I've loved for over 11 years... he's now engaged to somebody else.

I can't even begin to process all of these things. No, I haven't confessed to him because I was very scared of what his feelings to me might be. I am scared of rejection, but I'm more scared that my feelings will ruin our relationship and then I would never see him again. So, I opted to stay by his side as his closest friend, the one that he's been with since childhood until now, to his engagement. And soon, his marriage.

I didn't even know who the girl was so it was more heartbreaking. I was claiming to be his closest friend but maybe I didn't even know him at all. I didn't even know that he was dating someone in the first place! If I'd known, I would've thought about a plan or something. I mean, he's dated a few girls in the time that we've known each other, but all of those weren't serious relationships because it never lasted more than three months. I never thought that I'd just wake up one day and be told that he's engaged! I couldn't believe it!

We've known each other since high school. He had a crush on someone in my class and he approached me and my circle of friends to try and get help. It didn't go through because he suddenly got busy preparing and training for the sports championships, but that's how we met. He's a really goofy guy and very fun to be around, so even though I tend to have a smaller and lowkey circle of friends, a noisy guy like him was able to make his way into my life. He's one of the few guys that I know so I am really close to him, and my little brother is now used to him and even sees him as a big brother figure.

He has a little sister, too, and I'm also very close to her. We've literally integrated each other into our lives, that's why I was so scared that a confession like that would disrupt everything that we've created. The connections and relationships we've built around each other for that past decade. I wasn't sure about how he felt and confessing... it never gets easier with time. I don't know exactly when I started to like him... to love him... but, I clearly remember having strange feelings when he first started to date. I ignored it but it came again when he dated another girl. In the end, after days of contemplation and overthinking, I was finally able to admit and realize that it was jealousy all along. I had felt jealous of every single girl he'd dated, and didn't like most of them as they didn't like me. Of course, when talking to him, because he occasionally needed my advice, I was always objective.