JAUDAH

CHAPTER 25

JAUDAH'S POV

Today is Sunday, I was at home all day and so is Zain, but he has been in his study room the whole day working. I was in the kitchen making dinner but my mind is on how I'm going to tell Zain about my past, I've decided to tell him today, but I'm being nervous. I was pacing in the kitchen trying to calm myself down when a worried Zain walked in and went straight to the gas cooker.

"Subhanallah, Jaudah the food is burning", he said turning the gas cooker off.

I went to him using a towel to take the pot off the gas

" I'm sorry, my mind was somewhere else" I apologized.

"It's ok, but next time be careful", he cautioned.

I nodded and went back to my cooking, cursing myself for not concentrating. Zain sat on the stool beside the kitchen island as he watched me cook, he is not making it any better by watching me but I ignored and continued  what I was doing.

"Is something wrong with you?"  he asked

"You seem lost", he stated

I shook my head and answered "no", he didn't say anything afterwards.

When I was done, it was already time for magrib prayer so i went to my room to freshen up while Zain went to the mosque after helping me set the table.

I freshen up, prayed magrib and sat on the prayer mat reciting some verses of the Qur'an to calm myself down. I  went downstairs with a new found confidence when I finished praying. I've made up my mind to tell him everything after dinner.

He came back home not long after I went down and I served him dinner and served myself also. We ate in silence and I could feel him staring at me from time to time.

I tried clearing the table after we were done but he stopped me,

"Don't worry, just sit, I will clear this up", he said, picking up the plates.

"No I will do it", I said but he still stopped me even though I insisted.

"Sit and wait for me here, I will be out now", he said, and with that he walked to the kitchen holding the used plates and spoons.

After clearing the table, he then came and sat down looking up at me as if he was waiting to hear something from me. He then cleared his throat and asked

"Is something bothering you?", I was surprised that he noticed and even asked.

"Uhm, umm, it's....it's nothing really, I... I just want to tell you something", I stuttered looking anywhere but him.

"Then why are you scared?", He asked

"You tell me anything, don't be scared, I know our marriage isn't the best, and I'm actually not the best husband 'cause I've always treated you badly right from the beginning but I'm pretty sure you've noticed that I'm trying to change, I'm trying to become a good husband, I'm trying to build a happy home with you, and for that I want you to trust me, that's the only way this marriage can work, so, if you have anything to tell me don't feel scared or nervous, ok? Please talk to me Jaudah", he stated and I feel a little bit at ease though wondering if everything will be the same after he heard what I have to say.

"So go ahead, what is it you want to tell me?", He asked, again.

"I want to tell you about why I'm having nightmares", I said and for a moment the dinning room was silent before he broke it by asking.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked and I nodded "yes", it's now or never I thought.

"Alright then, go ahead", he said