Finding Mafia

Harmless Shopping

The past couple weeks have been interesting to say the least. After having a wonderful day spent with Declan at the farmer's market, it has been rather quiet in the past few weeks following the rather fun time he and I had.

The next days after that wonderful afternoon were peacefully spent either working or sleeping. Now I would say I'm generally not a clingy person, however, it has now been two weeks and I haven't heard a peep from Declan.

Now I know we aren't dating or anything, but I did expect a humble text at the least after the first few days, but no, nothing, nada. I thought it was a little alarming, but I thought nothing of it. We don't owe each other anything and he is surely a busy man.

The insecure part of me had thought immediately to what I could have said to make him steer clear of me, but pretty soon the confident, young, strong, woman side took over and told myself to calm the fuck down.

It only took five days for me to find out through the grapevine from work that Declan had gone back to Italy. That made more logical sense than where my brain had originally gone in all the tragic things my mind ran through of what could have happened.

Since I have come here I have found myself falling into a routine, I've grown comfortable in the life that has developed here in the city. The young, naive version of me would have been jumping for joy at the fact that I grew up and actually came here, but that version of me wouldn't understand the version of myself that I am now.

So many things have changed in the years since I once dreamed of moving here, too many to even count. I am no longer that hopeful, dream filled little girl who aspired for greatness. I don't know that little girl anymore as she and I are no longer the same.

I don't know what I long for anymore. I have no dreams as all those were crushed a long time ago. The only thing that feeds me, drives me is not ever wanting to go back to that innocent, naive, child who had no knowing of the workings of the real world. Of how cruel and harsh the outside is, how it would take a little dream filled girl like me and crush her into thousands of pieces.

My aspirations have long turned into wistful memories that fill my mind only in faint dreams. I have learned in my experience that hoping for something, only for it to come crashing down around you is a far worse heartbreak than it simply not coming true.

I am simply saving myself from the future heartbreak because my heart simply can't take anymore. It can only break so many times before it shatters.

My idle mind is brought back to reality as Sammy loudly places an empty glass down in front of me to wash. I jump and let out a squeal. In true Sammy fashion he makes no mention of how unreasonably scared that made me as he nods his head and turns back to his current task.

After apparently mulling over my life's meaning, I try to get back to work, but there is a nagging in the back of my head, but I haven't the slightest idea over what. Perhaps I'm just missing the boy who has captured my mind as of late, but I'm gonna try not to dwell too hard on that thought.

My attention is drawn to the small but mighty girl bounding towards me with a skip in her step and a smile on her face. Her smile lights up a room and my face can't help but match hers as she gets closer.

"Come on." She giggles.

"And might I know where I am going?" I question back while putting the last glass back on the shelf.

"Well first we are going up to talk to my brother and then, you and I are going shopping."

Two things come to mind when she says this, one; he is back, two; he once again never said anything.