After a ruckus week of fighting with parents and seeing the school counsellor, I am finally starting to become more stable. I have binged less, puked less, and have decided to become healthy instead. If I don't eat anything that is bad for me, I won't have the need to puke it up. Right?
I'm standing in the kitchen, when my friend Elijah comes to the door.
*knock knock*
I open the door, and peer upwards at him. "Hey there, what brings you to my house?" I ask jokingly, knowing full well that we planned this a couple of days ago.
I'm not allowed to leave the house, so I asked Elijah to come here instead. Not exactly a situation of desire, but it's not bad either. I invite him in, as he taken off his shoes and fluffs his cropped black hair. I look at him, knowing that he'd look a lot better with longer hair.
I guide him to the basement, where we decide to play Bioshock. We kill time, and we laugh, and I realize how nice it is to actually have a guy to laugh with. It's not anything like me and Weston.
"Supper!" My mother calls.
Oh god.
I hesitantly walk upstairs with Elijah, and we walk into the kitchen. I ask him if he wants anything to eat, and he says he already had pasta and garlic bread at his house. I nod.
Feeling on edge, I peer around the corner slightly, to see if my family is paying attention. Before they notice, I grab a deep bowl, and place a small apple inside. I put a fork in the bowl, so it looks like I have the cooked stir-fry that Mom made. Elijah is about to ask, but I shush him and mouth "downstairs". I try my best to walk through the living room to the staircase without leaving any suspicion, and I waltz down the stairs as if nothing had been wrong.
Elijah, still confused, looks at me for an explanation. I come up with the quickest excuse I can muster. "I hate stir-fry with a passion, and I don't want to look like I'm avoiding supper."
The "not wanting them to know I'm avoiding supper" is true. But really, I'm a sucker for stir-fry. But I don't need that many calories after everything I've eaten today.
This apple that I have? This is 50 calories. 50 calories for supper.
Approximately 220 calories for breakfast, and 300 for lunch. If I add stir-fry that could be an extra 800 calories considering the noodles and the oil.
I don't want that. I don't need it.
Elijah and I spend the rest of the evening together, and he goes home at night. I'm sort of thankful that he has left, because now I don't have to speak. Frankly, I'm so out of energy, that I feel like talking hurts my lungs. I'm tired. My stomach pangs and I look at the clock. 10:27pm.
It's way too late to eat. If I were to eat, I can just think about the calories resting inside my unmoving body, building and building and building and building....
I won't be fat.
I think to myself a new rule.
No eating after 7pm. No exceptions.
YOU ARE READING
Mirror Mirror
RandomKenna has issues with self image. She has problems with her biological father, step father, grandmother, and of course mother. And at the same time, she's struggling with identity, along with a boyfriend and peers. She begins to question, and she be...
