It's my youngest sister's birthday. She's five today. I'm fifteen in December. Funny story, we're ten years apart. Big age gap, huh? Well, it's understandable, considering my mom had her with my step father.
I'm sitting around the kitchen table with my little sister Brookie. She surrounded by her excited goblin friends, with the cake being held by Mom with five lit candles. The family is gathered, and we're singing happy birthday. My mom bends over elegantly to set down the cake in front of Brookie. My mom laughs at Brookie's expression as she makes eye contact with me. She has very slight wrinkles crinkling her brown eyes. Her hair is very blonde and it waves along her flowing black shirt. I can see the true happiness in her eyes. She's beautiful. Although, it's unfortunate that she doesn't think so.
We finish singing, and Brookie blows out her candles, missing three.
"Brookie has three boyfriends!" Mia says as she explodes into giggles.
Everything is perfect, and happy on this very day. No problems present themselves, as we are all here to have fun. It's in these days that my worries are seemingly dissipated.
My mom cuts me a corner piece of the cake, as they're my favourite. She sets in down in front of me. I stare at the delicious piece of joy. You're on a diet remember? Don't eat that, don't you dare. I hear Olivia's whisper in my ear.
I know I want to be thin, but the cake looks so good. I can't eat the cake...it won't fit into my calories plans.
How about this, eat the cake, but only eat a carrot for supper.
I think about it, and it's not a bad idea. I get my cake, and no extra calories.
I eat the cake without regrets.
By supper, we make frozen pizza in the oven. Everybody takes a couple of slices, and they all sit in front of the TV like droning zombies. No socialization, just electronics. It's to the point where's that what life all seems to be. I get pissed, and I go downstairs to my room. I walk into my large newly turquoise room, and I plop myself on my bed. Maybe I'll read my book a little.
I try to focus on the words, but nothing seems to be forming together. I have too much on my mind.
I walk into the long hallway, and take the pizza to the bathroom. I break it off into small pieces and I flush it down the toilet. As it goes down, I think about all the calories that I've just avoided eating. I'm sure Olivia would have personally patted me on the back.
I go back to my room, with my clean plate and my empty stomach. I open up my closet, with my dresser and my mirror sitting inside. I stare at myself in the mirror, admiring the new gap between my thighs. My hips are slimming, and I smile. I turn around, disappointed and angry that I see fat all over my lower back. It's on my hips. It's going to my stomach. I'm getting bigger. If I keep eating cake or junk like I did today, I'm going to get fat again.
I'll be made fun of, against my skinny friends. I'll be the fat girl again. I can't be that. I'm almost as thin as them! You can always just throw up the cake. Yes, yes I can. And I won't make my mistake again.
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Mirror Mirror
RandomKenna has issues with self image. She has problems with her biological father, step father, grandmother, and of course mother. And at the same time, she's struggling with identity, along with a boyfriend and peers. She begins to question, and she be...
