The Wrong Genre

Part-time Minions

"Rob, can you get it set up in time? Can I help with anything?" Elise asked, fluttering around where the man was tinkering with the machine. They were in a large warehouse, the area around them had been cleared of the other experiments and boxes weeks ago, when Maestro's main lair had been demolished by Interdit and all of the machinery for cloning had been confiscated. Robert and Maestro had been working on collecting the parts and re-assembling the several machines since then, but they hadn't been in much of a hurry. Especially since the comedy started, since the odds of Zakum getting injured were pretty low in a comedy.

As a result, Robert was scrambling to assemble all the necessary machinery, hopefully before Maestro got to the lair.

"What do you think happened to Zakum?" Elise asked when she got no response. She wasn't really expecting one, honestly, everyone knew how Robert got when he was working. "It's weird because he asked us to repair the noodler and motherboard machines first, not the dunk tank." She jumped to sit on a table while she watched. There wasn't much she could do, she was here to work the machines once they were built, not build them.

"What machines?" Robert asked, stopping his tinkering with a furrowed brow, but not turning to look at her.

"Sorry, it's the... the..." Elise snapped a few times, trying to remember the real names of the machines, "I'm sure you're making the right ones and it'll be fine."

"Memory-transfer and fine-internal-mechanics machines," another voice came from the edge of the clearing, where another woman had appeared.

"Ah, Rika! That's exactly it!" Elise grinned in agreement. Robert processed a moment, then nodded and continued working.

"You should learn the actual names of those machines, you spend all your time with them, and you keep confusing poor Robert by not using the technical terms of things," Rika scoffed, sauntering in to observe the process as well.

"The names are so long, and you can't honestly tell me that noodler isn't more fun."

"We should at least standardize the nicknames, Robert isn't designed for a non-binary system."

"Maestro!" Elise grinned at the new voice, and Rika rolled her eyes.

"What's the big idea telling me to get lost, huh?" Rika demanded, squaring off at Maestro and Romulus as if ready to throw hands at any moment.

"This is an engineering and biology assignment," Maestro rolled his eyes right back, pulling Um into the room after him. "You can stay if you want but you won't be able to do much."

"See if that's true," Rika muttered to herself, but she didn't follow Elise when the other woman jumped to her feet and ran to examine the clone that she thought was Zakum.

"Robert, what's the damage?" Romulus asked as Maestro and Elise began discussing the logistics of what was wrong with the clone.

"There is no damage," Robert reported without stopping, "I am still building the fine internal mechanics modifier and I am using functional parts."

"Sorry, right," Romulus shook his head, "How long until you finish?"

"Approximately three hours alone, Maestro could half the time. Romulus may take half an hour off. Elise would make no significant contributions." He paused a moment. "Rika would likely increase completion time by at least an hour."

"Hey! If you think you can sass me just because you're on the spectrum—"

"I think he can," Elise beamed at the fuming woman. "It might be illegal for you to retaliate."

"Right, because we're so into the law here," Rika replied sarcastically, "right Zakum?" She turned to share a meaningful look with the clone, but he was completely unresponsive. "Hey, what happened to him?" Looking a little concerned for the first time, Rika approached to examine him with Elise.

"Not sure, Maestro said I should be able to figure it out," Elise replied, squinting at the clone from every angle she could think of. "It's weird, he's got no external injuries, so cognitive recalibration isn't very likely—"

"You call the machine a noodler but you can't just say getting hit on the head?"

"But it isn't just a problem with the wiring, since he's acting like this," Elise continued after flashing a sweet smile at her coworker. "Maybe if I check..." She circled around the back of the clone, moving his hair and pulling down slightly on his t-shirt so as to get a clear view of his neck. "Oh Sh—"

She cut herself off, eyes snapping to Maestro who had turned to look at her.

"Uh, Shining Light, that surprised me!" She beamed innocently, eyes flicking accidentally over to Romulus in slight panic.

Then Maestro turned to look at Romulus, who seemed to already know that he was in trouble.

"She's the one who did it, not me!" He protested, although he knew it was a lost cause. Everyone knew that profanity in the lair was Romulus' doing, especially when it came from the part-timers. Maestro didn't even deign to respond, simply continuing to stare him down until he sighed. "Yeah, fine, dinner's on me tonight."

"Yes!" Rika and Elise cheered, high-fiving. Romulus looked at Maestro and gestured at the two incredulously; why was he being punished when the real perpetrator was clearly not feeling any sort of regret?

"Have you found what's wrong?" Maestro asked Elise instead of answering.

"Oh! Yeah, how did this even happen? This is the Um from the old lair, where's Zakum?"

"Zakum was replaced with Um, likely by Rabastian," Maestro reported as he began helping with the machine.

"This guy? And they thought it would work?" Rika laughed, waving a hand in front of the still unresponsive clone.

"Yeah, he's nothing like Zakum! It didn't actually fool anyone, did it?" Elise agreed, mirthful.

There was a beat of silence in which the two older men looked at each other.

"It fooled Interdit," Maestro volunteered.

"Yeah, no one else would be that stupid," Romulus agreed immediately.

"Anyway, Elise, prep Um to be examined, we have to find out if they can hear us through his comm. Romulus, make sure he stays benign, and you're in charge of his phone. Figure out if he's contacted Rabastian that way."

"And me?" Rika demanded.

"I told you to go home."

Rika was clearly not about to go home.

"Fine, you're Elise's bodyguard and personal assistant."

"I can do that."

"Alright everyone, let's go," Romulus declared, ushering the women off to a different part of the warehouse, Elise dragging Um along as well.

This was going to be a long night.