Daryl's Angel: Saviour (Book Two)

Chapter 49: Man, Monster

I hate that my first reaction to stress is to cry.

No one wants to talk about details, but I gather bits and pieces from Rick, Michonne, Aaron, and Carl as time creeps by. Even the pieces make me feel sick, and I can't imagine being in that situation. I can't imagine witnessing something so horrible, and the selfish part of me is glad that I didn't.

I wish my heart didn't break so easily over everything. I keep thinking about Maggie, and how she lost her husband and how she might have lost her baby. We don't know, but I hope she can survive it because I don't know if I could.

I'm lucky that Daryl is alive, but I might never see him again, and I don't know how much longer he'll stay alive. Who knows what Negan is doing to him? Who knows what plans he has? All Rick could tell me was that Negan said that Daryl was "his" now and that Negan likes him.

But Daryl is supposed to be mine and I liked him first.

Rick also said that Negan will come to Alexandria for tribute in a week. In a week, I'll get a glimpse of the man who took my husband from me, who killed my family. I remind myself that when the time comes, I cannot be emotional. Something tells me that Negan would prey on that.

All of our focus turns to scavenging. We don't have to keep constant watch now that we know we won't be getting attacked. Nope, all we have to worry about is pleasing our new overlords.

I decide, after day three of barely sleeping, sitting in the infirmary and waiting, that I need to take things into my own hands. Negan likes a deal, right? Maybe I can offer something, anything, to get Daryl back. I have four more days before he arrives, and then, I'll wait for my chance to speak to him.

I make the mistake of mentioning my plan to Rick over breakfast at his home.

"No," he says, firmly. It isn't firm in the way I'm used to, where he's resolute and confident. There's a fear in his words now, and I wish he were angrier. I wish he felt like I do.

"I have to try," I insist.

"You cannot let him know who you are, and who you are to Daryl," Rick insists. "He will use you to hurt Daryl, and we can't have that."

"We need Daryl if we're going to fight back."

He just stares at me. Broken. It's the only word I can use to describe him. "We can't fight. We belong to him now," he says. He reaches across the table, overlapping my hand with his briefly. "And we need you."

I feel that stupid tightness in my chest again, and I grit my teeth together. Since when have I been more important than Daryl, more valuable than Daryl? He's a hunter, a fighter, a tracker, and I'm...

"Please, Hope," Rick begs. "You didn't see it. You don't know. Please, just...just trust me."

I've trusted him before. I've trusted him with my life. I want to trust him now, but it's so hard when he's a shell of the man he used to be.

"Fine," I murmur. I finish my breakfast in silence, stewing, pondering.

There has to be something I can do.

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The next morning, I realize that the day has officially come. My pants don't button anymore.

I almost laugh at the stupidity of it all. There are so many other things that could cause me trouble today, but the first thing is my stupid jeans.

They've been getting more snug for a while, but I could squeeze if I needed to, but not today. Today, no matter how hard I try to get the button closed, they do not give.