Retrocognition

6 | fear

"I just want to make sure you're okay. You're okay, right, sweetie?"

I roll my eyes as I enter my dorm, almost wanting to laugh at my mother's concern. Though I know she means well, her strong personality can come off as a little much sometimes. However, I take her protectiveness as a sign of endearment, even if it can be slightly annoying at times. Besides, it's not like I can blame her for being worried. I can only imagine how she must be feeling, knowing her daughter is living on a campus where a death and potential homicide recently took place. I can sympathize with her fear, because I'm feeling a little scared too.

"I'm fine, Mom," I reassure her. "I promise."

"It's just—I heard about what happened. To the . . . girl. I don't know, Blythe. I'm concerned."

"I know," I say softly.

Kehlani glances up at me from where she's perched on her bed across the room. I gesture to the phone in my hand and mouth Mom. Kehlani immediately nods in understanding. We share a smile before I cross over to my side of the room, falling back onto my bed.

"I just don't want anything to happen to you," Mom goes on, sounding more frantic by the second. "Maybe you should come home. If there's a killer on the loose—"

"Mom!" I cry, stopping her short. "Nothing is going to happen to me, I swear. The police have everything under control. They'll figure out what happened and everything will be taken care of. Then things will start to go back to normal. Don't worry about me so much. I'll let you know if anything happens, okay? You know that."

My mother has always been very protective of my sister and I, so I'd been expecting a call from her at some point today. Though, once again, it's not like I can blame her for being so worried—in all honesty, I'm sure I'd feel the same if I had a child living away from home in a place where a tragedy just occured. With this in mind, I try to stay patient with her.

I want to believe the words I say to my mom in order to keep her calm, though I find myself only half agreeing with them myself. I'd be lying if I said Naomi's death didn't rattle me. On the walk back to my dorm from the journalism building, I'd constantly found myself checking over my shoulder, the hair on my body rising as a feeling very close to fear rose in my chest. It's somewhat scary, living in the area a potential murder took place. I find it difficult to stop myself from worrying at times. After all, the killer is more than likely still out there. Who knows when or if they may strike again? Or how close they could be, hidden in plain sight, possibly right under my nose . . .

"I know," Mom says finally, sighing into the phone and breaking me from my thoughts. "You'll keep me updated, right?"

"Of course," I assure my mother. "It'll be all over the news, anyway. It's all anyone is talking about."

Mom hums in agreement, eager to change the subject. "I want to talk about you for a minute. How are you, baby? How has college been so far? Aside from . . . well, you know."

I think for a moment in silence before answering. "It's been okay," I admit. "I have Ivy and Ben, so things haven't been too bad. Classes are a lot, but I did sign up for an extra workload. I don't know. Pretty average so far, I guess. Besides . . ." I allow myself to trail off, not wanting to bring up the recent unfortunate event once again.

Mom takes the hint, moving the conversation along smoothly. "Have you taken on any extracurriculars? The paper, maybe? I really hope you change your mind about not joining, Blythe. It did wonders for Talia. It's a really great experience to at least have on your resume, honey. That is, if you're serious about finding a career in journalism."

I almost wish everyone around me would stop talking about the stupid paper and telling me about how great of an experience it would be for me. I almost want to snap at my mom for mentioning it all, but it would be unfair of me to do so. She doesn't know about the conversation I had with Jonah. I'm too exhausted to be annoyed anyway.

"I did change my mind, actually."

Before I can give a more thorough explanation, my mother starts squealing in excitement. "Oh, Blythe! That's amazing! I'm so proud of you, honey. I can't wait to read your first article. You'll have to send it to me so I can—"

"That's the thing," I say, interrupting my mom. "I won't be writing."

My mother goes silent on the other line. After a moment she asks, "You decided to do something else?"

"Not exactly." I wince, running a hand through my hair. "Freshmen don't exactly get big opportunities like that. I have to start off with something . . . smaller."

"Oh." I know Mom can tell that I'm upset—sense it in my tone, or something—though she doesn't comment on this. "Well, that's not a bad thing, Blythe. It's good to have experience, regardless. Besides, I'm sure it will still be fun."

"Yeah," I mumble. "I guess so." I pray my mother doesn't pick up on the disappointment hidden in my tone.

I talk to my mom for a few moments longer before we finally say our goodbyes and hang up. I set my phone down on my nightstand with a sigh, nearly flinching when Kehlani speaks up. For a second, I'd forgotten I wasn't alone.

"Was your mom worried, too?" she questions, sitting up in her bed as she turns her attention to me, awaiting my response.

I nod. "Yeah. I guess I can't blame her."

"Mine called me earlier, freaking out. I thought she was going to force me to go home, or something. I understand her fear though . . . It's crazy, what happened."

"It's just so unexpected." I grab my pillow, hugging it to my chest mindlessly. "I grew up thinking Creekside was the safest place on earth. Maybe that's why this whole thing has me so . . . out of it."

"I hate thinking about it. I've been trying to keep busy, to keep my mind on other things. Anyway, I think I'm gonna head to the cafeteria with a few friends. Are you okay to be left alone? Or do you want to come with us?"

Secretly, I'm grateful for Kehlani's offer. Even though I know I won't take her up on it, it's nice to know that she has taken into consideration how frightening the news of Naomi's death has been, and that she cares enough to ask if I'll feel okay alone.

"You go ahead," I say, waving her on. "I'll be fine. I have a few assignments I need to get done, anyway."

Kehlani hesitates before nodding. "Okay. I gave you my number, right? Just call me or something—you know, if you need me. I'll come right back."

My smile is genuine. I like Kehlani, I have officially decided. I don't think I could have wound up with a better roommate.

———
a/n: i got to see my girl these past two days and she just left and i miss her already 😭