The Story of Me.

I Wish Things Went Right... For Once.

So I was at home... again. And I fucked everything over. My Foods group counted on me and I failed them. I had to fill out an order form. For those who do not know, you put your ingredients on this order and she buys them.

Ryan is in love with the old Katie. I started asking questions and that was an answer. Is that a good thing, or a bad? Maybe he wants the old me back. The way I used to be.

Happy.

Giggly.

Happy-go-lucky.

Cheerful.

And I never dared to swear. Using God's name in vain. Never.

Is that even healthy that he misses the old Katie? So why does he still love me? Why doesn't he find a stable girl who doesn't know how to act? That is what I don't understand. Is why? Why choose the girl who is so broken that her pieces are scattered amongst her mind?

That must be so hard to see the person you love, become a monster. They used to be happy. And now, she's a monster of herself. I don't know what I should do, it's so confusing! I am only fourteen and I have all of house stress on me, plus school!

Of those of you reading this, do you know how hard it is to hear people whisper your name and tell you that you're not good enough. That you're too fat. Or too weird. Or too ugly. Or you don't dress right. Something is always wrong with me. Always. No matter how hard I try. I always have something wrong with me.

Is it wrong for me to hate myself? But try for others? I am pretty sure it is. It sounds messed up to me. If my friend was like that, I would stay. Their mind must be hurt and confused. Like I am. People say they love me, but they can't stand me. Is that what love is? Is the reason I smile for that? This so-called love that we cherish? It's hard to love someone that doesn't understand what you're dealing with. And then gets mad when you don't talk. I really just need to quit over thinking every tiny little thing.