The Story of Me.

Jesus, What's Wrong With Me?

I thought over my inner thoughts and, Jesus. It's bad. Ryan was right, I'm getting worse. But Ryan's mother said to my mom, "Is Kate okay? I know she is having a rough time, but she'll get through it." And she questioned me, I said to her I was fine and didn't need help. She believed me, or so I think...

So we have school off this Tuesday, so I invited Ryan over. We cuddled, talked, have been there in the silence of it all. But the worst was an I started thinking. I was thinking about when it used to be 'normal', when I was a 'normal' person. And I started to cry. Just hot tears falling down my face.

But seeing Ryan's face was heartbreaking. He looked at me like I have been kicked. I couldn't stop sobbing. He basically just patted me and said, "It'll be okay Kate." I called him out on lying to me.

It won't be okay.

I won't be okay.

He said, "Kate. I don't know what else to say. I was preparing for this, but procrastinating until the last second. So, I'm sorry."

So right now at this moment in time, he is sleeping on the loveseat in the basement. And I don't blame him, we stayed up until almost two in the morning.

                            Π

So he woke up. He's watching CNN about whatever. I don't even know where this was going.

                            Π

I kinda dealt with my own problems over the course of my time.

Ryan, James, and I went out to eat at a Mexican restaurant. But it was "Too Fancy." So we tried walking in the Chinese restaurant. But it was "Too Fancy."

Those were the only restaurants in the small town I live in. So I was mad. We had a fight outside of the Chinese restaurant, my little brother was a third wheel. Just a grand time.

We eventually went to the Mexican restaurant and I was American and ordered a hamburger. And Ryan did the same. He was cheep and ordered cheep stuff. James ate soup for almost an hour. It was God awful.

But I seemed to piss him off again. And again. And again. But he seems to stay for a reason.

"Will you still need me, will you still feed me when I'm 64?"