The Story of Me.

Am I Broken Beyond Repair?

Oh my, how do I put this into words? I was right. I've become a monster. Am I just doing this for attention? What am I? But anyway, do I do this for attention? Do I write what I do for attention? Ryan said that I am. But I just say my feelings. Is it wrong to do so?

I don't even know anymore. But for my Easter I cut off a head of a lamb and ate it. Yeah it was a motherfucking butter lamb.  My family always had that. Even though it is a Polish thing. It is just butter shaped like a lamb. Nothing more and nothing less. That is the soul purpose of the whole thing.

My head has need feeling funny for a couple of days. Like almost a lightheaded feeling. I know that's not okay.

                             Π

I'm back bitches. And better than ever.

Ryan and I's fight was resolved! And we're okay. He came over this weekend and helped me move to my new house. I was glad for the help. I didn't go to prom. I stayed on a loveseat with Ryan and cuddled. Which is kinda lame, but at least I was with him!

After we 'placed' the U-Haul back, we dropped him off. I almost got hit by the thing. My parents were fighting and I was gripping onto Ryan's sleeve and he said I was pinching him. I didn't know I was so I stopped. We held hands on the way home to drop him off and I said goodbye. But before he left he put his hat on my head and said to me, "Hey Kate, I want you to wear my hat tonight and all day tomorrow. Okay?" I thought he was losing his mind. He kissed my hand and off he went.

I wore it all day. I love that fucking hat. I really love his hat and he knows it. And now he lets me wear it during art when he has gym. He never let me before. I think I sweet talked him though. He loves me. I know he does. Every day this week he let me wear his hat. He is the sweetest boyfriend ever.

But, some days are not as grand as others. I just don't understand everything I want to. I always wanted to be the normal girl and live a normal life. But clearly that's not happening.

My mother went to court today and we have to be out by next week. But the thing is that we can't go to our new house because the landlady isn't ready for us to move in yet. We have half of our things in the garage and the other half in our home. I am glad that Ryan helped us move our things, but it may have been pointless. My mother started to drink early in the morning and kicked my dad out. I am not at school because of that. My mom's car is fixed yes, but she won't drive after she drinks. Which is good. But I missed so many days already.

I don't believe that my friends will miss me. I mean I am taking forever writing this chapter. I just needed a break and needed to calm down. I know I shouldn't worry, but I do. I may have nowhere to sleep in a weeks time and that scares me. I may have to bunk at Ryan's house and leave my family to suffer. But I belileve that would be better. But I can't just abandom them for a dream and a fake story I once wrote. But when I'm older things will be better. I'll make things better myself and I will always try my best for my friends. Ryan said I should always try at things. Because if I don't, I'll get sad and we can't have that.

Thank you all for being patient with me and reading this chapter after I took forever on it. Thank you.