The Bartender

She Wants to Know You're Okay

"God, this is infuriating..." he groaned. "Can you just answer me? Please? Give me a sign or something. I just need to know that this is okay." Silence. It was always nothing but silence. He sighed and laid back onto the green grass, his body perpendicular with her grave. He folded his arms over his face to block his eyes from the harsh rays of the sun. He breathed deeply, hoping and praying that she'd finally give him some sort of sign. He wasn't sure why she would. She hadn't yet and it had been four years. 

"You okay?" Shawn pulled his arms away from his face, looking up the source of the familiar voice. 

"What are you doing here?"

"What? A dad can't check in on his son?" Shawn watched as his dad sat down on the grass next to him. "I was driving by and saw you pacing around out here. Just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"She won't talk to me." His voice was breaking with emotion — a combination of sadness and anger and frustration and guilt. "I need to talk to her but it's always just complete nothingness." Manny looked at his son and then back at the headstone. The flowers were fresh. He must've brought some new ones with him.

"I wish I knew what to say to make it easier, Shawn."

"Yeah, me too," he whispered in reply. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Have you and mom ever talked about what would happen if one of you were to die?"

"In what way?"

"Like...would you be okay with her finding someone else?" His dad sighed, finally understanding why he needed to talk to her so badly. 

"No. We haven't talked about it." Shawn let out a frustrated breath at his dad's answer. "But I would be heartbroken if she didn't let herself find love again just because of me."

"Really?"

"Of course. We don't need to talk about it because we both already know the answer. I love your mother. And because I love her, I want her to be happy. And if I weren't alive to be the one making her happy then I'd at least hope she'd find someone else who could be." Manny looked over to the headstone again. "And I know for a fact that Kat would feel the same way about you."

"I don't want her to think I don't love her anymore."

"She won't."

"But how do you know?" His voice was getting louder and his emotions were getting stronger. "I come out here and beg her for some kind of sign that she's okay with me finding someone else and she always just gives me nothing. What if that means she's not okay with it?"

"You came out here and begged for her to give you a sign that she's okay with you finding someone else and then I show up and tell you she's fine with you finding someone else. Is that not a sign?" his dad countered. "Shawn, how would you feel if the roles were reversed? If she was here sitting by your grave trying to figure out if you'd be okay with her moving on? If you had to watch over her every day knowing she wasn't letting anyone love her like she deserved because she didn't want to hurt you? You'd be furious. You'd want her to find someone to take care of her." Shawn swallowed hard and nodded. His dad was right; he always seemed to be right. "She doesn't want to watch you mope around and push away every person who tries to love you. She wants to see you happy. She wants to know you're okay."

"I miss her."

"We all do." Manny wrapped his arm around his son's shoulder, hugging him close. "So...is there a particular reason you wanted an answer to that question? Or maybe a particular person...?" Shawn chuckled quietly and looked down to the grass beneath him. He didn't give his dad a straight answer but Manny knew him well enough to know. "Well, she must be pretty special to have you coming out here to talk to Kat about her." Shawn looked up at his dad and nodded, tears forming in his eyes and a subtle smile pulling at his lips. "You gonna be okay?"

"I'll be okay," he assured him. "Thanks for coming to check on me."

"Anytime." Manny stood up, holding out a hand to his son to help him up as well. They walked back to their cars together. Shawn felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders as he drove back to his apartment. Maybe his dad stopping to talk to him was the sign he had been asking for. Maybe she had been listening to him.

As he drove he decided he wasn't going to let this good feeling go to waste. He drove from the cemetery right back to the same florist he had stopped at just hours prior. This time, however, instead of picking out a pink arrangement to leave at a gravesite he picked out a fresh bouquet of sunflowers wrapped in craft paper and tied together with twine.

"You're switching it up," the woman behind the counter noted with a smile. He returned her smile and nodded. 

"Finally buying flowers for a good reason," he shrugged. 

"Well, sunflowers are a good choice. My granddaughter absolutely loves them." She handed him his receipt which he shoved in his back pocket as he walked out of the store with the bright bouquet in hand. He carefully set the flowers down in the passenger seat of his car before driving to her apartment building. He didn't even know if she was home but he didn't care. He parked in front of her building and took a deep breath. He hadn't asked a girl on a date since Kat. He honestly wasn't sure he remembered how to. He stepped out of his car and walked to her door, his heart beating faster than he thought possible the entire way. He must've stood outside her door for five minutes before finally working up the courage to knock. She answered almost immediately. She was wearing sweatpants and a tank top and her hair was thrown up into a messy bun but he swore she had never looked prettier. She smiled when she saw him and blushed when she saw the flowers in his hand.

"Hi," she quietly greeted.

"Hi." Shawn cleared his throat. "Um...I haven't done this in a long time. Like...a long time. So please forgive me if I sound like a total nervous idiot, but um...I was just wondering if maybe you'd...like to grab dinner sometime? If you don't want to I totally get it but I just thought that maybe—" He was cut off when he felt her lips against his. She pulled away after a bit and smiled up at him. 

"I'd love to get dinner with you."

"O-okay, cool..." he stuttered. He suddenly remembered the flowers. "Oh! These are for you, by the way." Camila smiled and took them from him, admiring the flowers and then smiling wider when she saw the florist's logo stamped onto the paper.

"Did she tell you that sunflowers are my favorite or was that just a lucky guess?"

"Hm?"

"My grandma owns this flower shop." She pointed to the label and Shawn laughed.

"Funny enough, she did tell me that her granddaughter loves sunflowers while I was paying..." he recalled with a smile. "So...does Saturday work? I can pick you up at seven."

"That sounds perfect." They shared one more sweet kiss before saying goodbye for the night. Camila took the flowers into her kitchen, pulling a vase out of one of the cupboards and filling it with water before adding the flowers and placing them in the middle of her counter. She looked over at the couch to see Tinkerbell laying there watching her. "Your mom's got a pretty major crush, Tink."