All I want

If i could see your face once more

Through his thirty years of life, Serkan Bolat had a lot of titles. He was a son, a friend, a best friend, a boyfriend, ex- boyfriend, fiancé, ex-fiancé, and again a fiancé. He was fine with all of them, except the part of an ex- fiancé. And especially he was not fine with the current title. A fiancé. Selin’s fiancé. The thought of him marrying her made his stomach twist and turn in that specific way which made him nauseous. He didn’t know why he did it. Except that was a lie. He knew exactly why he proposed to Selin. He wanted Eda to back off. He wanted to get Eda out of his mind. He didn’t remember her. He didn’t remember their love. So why was he so attracted to her? Why did he always look for her first when they were in same rooms. He didn’t look for Selin, for his future wife. He looked at Eda. He can sense her even if they were far away from each other. Her perfume makes him calm. Her wide, doe-like eyes cause chills all over his body. And her lips…Oh, her lips...Every night he remembers the feel of her lips on his. And how he wanted to continue that kiss..He wanted to invade her mouth, explore every tiny part of her mouth.  He wanted to dominate her mouth with his tongue, so much that both of them forget every painful word, every aching conversation, every sore feeling they caused to each other and just feel something other than misery. But most of all, he wanted to remember her. Her and their love. He wanted to know how he got lucky to get a woman like Eda to love a robot like him. But he didn’t. He fucking didn’t and he hated himself and his stupid brain for forgetting her. And there is Selin too. She was his oldest friend and she was there when he was scared, vulnerable and confused. But wouldn’t Eda be there for him too if she knew where he was? He often thought about that and he never answered to his own question. Because he was scared. Because he could see in her eyes how much she loves him and how much he hurts her every single day. And that fact made him hate himself even more. He was official lost. Serkan Bolat was a lost cause.
All these thoughts were running through his mind as he looked at himself in the mirror. Looking at his reflection and not recognizing a man in it. He was far away from a man. He was a coward. He was in a relationship he really didn’t want to be, and by that he was hurting the woman who clearly loved him, and who made Serkan feel all kinds of feelings. Yes, Serkan Bolat was a coward and a lost cause. He smiled bitterly at his reflection as he fixed his tie and hurriedly went to his car to finally see an only woman that makes his heart beat uncontrollably fast.

Serkan entered the conference room and was immediately disappointed when he saw the other chair empty. Usually, she came to work at the same as him, so his morning was already bad. He opened his laptop and started to work but he couldn’t concentrate even if his life depended on it. He looked at his watch every couple of seconds, and when he saw that she was actually late for five minutes, he was outraged. She was so unprofessional! (but deep in his mind and heart, he was seriously worried, but he wouldn’t admit that even if the gun was aimed at his head). So, because he was angry(worried) he decided to call her.
“The subscriber you have dialed is not in service.”
He frowned at that and tried to call her a few more times but the result was always the same. He was getting restless, and as soon as he started to get up, a woman came in the room and the voice he started to hate sounded through the room.
“Good morning, sevgilim” Selin appeared in front of him and leaned in to kiss him but Serkan immediately stood up as he cringed at her nickname. As soon as he stood up, he got dizzy and his brain flashed him a new memory.
“He sat in a chair when his phone ranged. He looked at the caller ID and smiled when he saw Eda’s name. His love. He accepted the call and his whole body warmed up as he heard Eda calling him ‘aşkim’. He smiled so big and asked her to call him that again. ‘Aşkim’ Eda once again said with a smile in her voice and Serkan could feel his heart beating so hard that he thought it would explode. That is the effect Eda had on him. God, he loved her so much. He can’t wait to be married to her.”
Serkan came back to reality and this memory hit him harder then any of previous ones. He could sense in his heart how much he loved her and it scared him that he was acquainted with that feeling. Unbelievably. He loved Eda in his previous state and he probably loves her now. He was having a mini panic attack until Selin put her hand on his face and watched him anxiously.
“Iyi misin, aşkim?”
Serkan pushed her hand away and distanced himself from her. He took a look at her, a first real look at her in probably years, and he was surprised with what he saw there. He saw a pathetic woman desperately in love, even though she knew that her love will never be reciprocated. But there is the thing with a desperate person. They would do anything to get what they wanted. Anything. He remembered the things she said to him about Eda when they were in that damn Slovenia. He remembered the pills he used to take that she gave him. And he remembered the hateful gazes she threw at Eda, and how would she do anything to put a bad word about her. Speaking about that, how did Eda’s project got deleted? He had so many questions that he needed to find answers, but by just one real look at her, he founded that he knew nothing about his childhood friend. And that he needed to get her out of his life for good, before she messes again his poor mind.
“I need to find some documentaries” he said to her and left the conference room leaving a confused Selin behind.
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
Eda opened her eyes and put her hand on her face to hide her from the sun. When she got used to it, she looked around and was confused when she noticed that she was on a swing with her legs laying on the table. She turned around and find herself more confused to find that she was in front of a doctor house. The house Serkan took her on their last day of a contract, when they were still hiding their feeling from one another. Eda felt weird. Like she wasn’t supposed to be there. Like that place was full of sunshine and rainbows and happiness and everything nice. Eda wondered how did she ended up here. The last thing she remembers was…Was….She couldn’t remember. All she knew was that she felt happy. And bigger. Her stomach wasn’t flat like it usual was. She glanced at it and gasped when she saw her huge pregnant belly. Tears escaped from her eyes and she instinctively placed her hands on her belly to protect it.
“Aşkim benim” she said tearfully, “seni çok seviyorum benim prences” for some reason she knew her baby was a girl.
“Anne” she heard a small boyish voice behind her and she turned to see a boy about three years old in arms of a man. The boy had ginger hair with hazel green eyes and that reminded her of a man. A man she loved so deeply. Eda removed her gaze from a boy and looked at the man who was holding a boy. Eda gasped shockingly when she saw Serkan watching her with amused gaze.
“How are my two beautiful girls?” he approached her and kissed her at her temple. A boy, her boy, their boy, jumped from his father arms to sit next to his mom.
“How is my little sister today?” he asked and put his little hands on Eda’s belly. Eda’s eyes teared again when he put his ears on her belly and pretended to have a conversation with a baby. He hummed happily and turned to their parents.
“Anne, baba, Yildiz told me she couldn’t wait to meet us all. I said that to her too!” he exclaimed and smiled with an adorable smile that made Eda melt.
She now felt Serkan’s hands on her belly and nodded happily.
“And soon she will join us and we will be a huge happy family. Right, aşkim?” Serkan and Eda looked at each other and Eda suddenly become sad, like she remembered something that was so close but so far in her mind.
She put her small hands on his face and sobbed. “I missed you so much Serkan. I love you like crazy. Please don’t leave me again.”
Serkan placed his forehead on hers and soothed her. “Shhh, Eda, don’t cry. I hate it when you cry. I am here now. And I will always be here. I am never leaving you again. Look what we made here. We are finally a family. Look at our son.”
They turned to see their son playing in the garden with Sirius and a new puppy. Serkan placed her hands on top of his which were resting on her belly.
“This is our future Eda. We made it. Do you want to be here forever? Because you can, baby. Stay with me Eda. Stay with us. Forever.”
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Serkan called his IT guy and watched from hidden camera that nobody knew where it was how Selin logged in Eda’s computer and sabotaged her presentation. Serkan was boiling inside. In that moment, all he wanted to do is to strangle her. He couldn’t believe it. How could he believe all her lies and not listening to Eda’s? He hurt Eda so much because of her and he will never forgive himself for that. He put his hands on his hair and pulled it strongly. He was a mess. His life was a mess. Eda was in a mess because of him. Selin is a mess because she is crazy bitch.
Another memory flashed in front of him.
“How many times do I have to tell you Selin? I love Eda. Eda. I never loved you…”
Serkan fell on his knees and sobbed loudly. “Please” he begged but nobody listened to him.

After a while, he calmed enough and decided to go home and think about his next move, move that will not end in him going to jail for second-degree murder. He left the office and took down the stairs when he saw a disarray in Art life. Engin and Ferit were carrying an unconscious Melo outside the office. Serkan immediately went pale.
“What the hell happened?”
“I don’t know abi. She received a message on her phone and she immediately fainted” Engin told him while they were placing Melo on a couch while Leyla was carrying a colon water. People were trying to wake her up while Erdem made himself useful for once and came to Serkan carrying a phone. ‘Melo’s phone probably’ he thought as he took it from him.
“It’s still open Serkan Bey” Erdem whispered like a scared child. Serkan didn’t wanted to look at it at first because it seemed like a lack of privacy, but curiosity won him over and he turned the phone to look at the message.

From Deniz

Melo, please come to the hospital. Ayfer and I are there. Eda was in car accident. She is in an operation right now. They said it’s a small chance they both survive. Melo, Eda is pregnant. Please—

Serkan saw red. And then nothing at all.

Author's note:

Hello my beloveds <3
Thank you again for your kind comments, I truly appreciate it and I love y'all ♡♡
Random question for you: do you prefer more happy ending or sad? but like what it was really good and only logical thing was to end it sadly? or am i just a masochist? (not that it is related to this story or anything he-he- evil laugh)
Anyways, I hope you enjoy it reading like I did writing it!

See you next time!