All I want

But if you loved me, why'd you leave me?

Serkan opened his eyes and realized immediately that he was on a beach. He looked around and recognized the beach he often went when he was in Antalya. He had a strange feeling about that beach, like it was special for some reason he didn’t know. He looked around it and froze when he saw a young woman with pale, short yellow dress and long dark hair standing in a place where the ocean meats the sand. He didn’t see her face, but he could recognize that dress anywhere.
“They were slowly dancing in front of a bunch of people he really didn’t care. His big hand was on her tiny waist while hers was around his neck. They were staring in each others eyes, and it just felt like magic.
<Do you regret it?> he asked Eda, actually curious to hear her answer.
<What?>
<Getting engaged with me, the contract, all of this.>
She said yes without even thinking about it, but Serkan could tell she was not being honest.
<Do you?>
<No. Anything regarding with you…it’s worth it> Serkan answered rapidly and immediately regretted saying it in front of her.

Serkan came back again from his memory flash, or his dream, he really didn’t know anymore. He glanced again at Eda and she was still there. In her pretty dress. Her pretty self.
“Eda” he exclaimed and Eda slowly turned towards him. They looked at each other and he saw Eda’s smile spreading into a huge grin, and Serkan instantly felt good. Her smile is the most beautiful smile he ever saw. Especially if it is caused because of him.
Eda stretched out her hand as an invite for him to come to her and he accepted it without thinking about it. He ran to her, so when he was in front of her, he took her in his arms and hugged her tightly. Eda laughed amusingly, but she hugged him back and caressed his back, and all Serkan could think is that she felt real. So real. Almost like…Almost like something bad happened to her.
“Eda, you are here. You are real. Nothing happened to you” Serkan sobbed in her hair.
Eda stepped back from a hug and looked at him.  She caressed his face gently as Serkan leaned on her hand, craving her touch.
“Aşkim, how could you even think about it? Nothing bad happens to me when I am with you” she smiled at a look on his face.
After hearing these words, he remembered. He remembered seeing a text. Text that said that Eda was in a car crash. And not only her. His baby too. So, how can she be here right now?
“I am dreaming, am I?” he asked her but didn’t want to hear her answer.
Eda took his hand and placed it on heart. “Do you hear it Serkan? Do you feel it?”
Serkan pulled a pathetic yes from his mouth.
“This is my heart, Serkan. It beats only for you. My heart belongs to you. Don’t you know that already? Or did you forget it, like anything else. Huh, Serkan, did you remember me yet? Do you know who am I?”
“I…I…” Serkan stuttered. “I got some memories…Flashes of them really…But I don’t need them really to know the truth, Eda. I was a fool, a big ignorant fool. An asshole if you will. Selin tricked me to think that you are everything that now, I know you are not. Eda… I love you. Even if this doesn’t make any sense, even if I feel lost and confused, now I know what these feelings mean when I look at you. I have fallen in love with you again, Eda Yildiz.”
Eda smiled at him, and for few moments, they stood there just like that. His hand was on her heart and her hand was on his heart. Finally, they were reunited. It’s too bad that it wasn’t real. It was just a dream…
“I guess I will have to help you a little” Eda said as she started walking towards the road.
“Where are you going?” Serkan asked as he desperately missed her proximity.
“Come on. We are going to few places. We don’t have all day…Well, I don’t have all day” Eda smiled sadly and Serkan panicked instantly.
In a blink of his eyes, the beach disappeared and now he was what looked like a stage. He sat in a chair while he looked around and he recognized an amphitheater. He was in an university. That he built it. He looked for Eda but he didn’t see her.
“Eda?”
“Do you remember it, Serkan. Do you remember me?” her voice was coming from one of the rows, but he still didn’t see her.
“I don’t see you. Can you come little closer?”
And then he saw her, as she was slowly walked down the stairs. Serkan froze. Instead of her yellow dress, she was wearing a short blue skirt paired with a white shirt.
“Can you come a little closer, miss?” Serkan asked irritably as this woman was challenging him and accusing him in front of a whole university, so he challenged her, knowing she would never do that. But he was surprised when she stood up in front of him, her long dark hair, her doe-like eyes who were full of hatred. She was incredible. His heart began to beat faster as he observed the most beautiful woman he ever saw.”

His eyes focused again and he saw Eda again in a yellow dress. But there were no longer in an amphitheater. They were in one of his rooms in his old house, and Eda was looking at him amusingly.
“That was…That was our first meeting, wasn’t it?” he asked and she nodded her head.
“Ah, seviglim, that was a really funny day. We even ended up in handcuffs.”
Serkan knew that story already, but now, an image revealed in front of him, they both were arguing in the middle of a street.
“You wished you never saw me again” he added and saw Eda smile again.
Eda was standing in front of a mirror, and she looked so beautiful that he lost his breath.
“Come here, behind me” she ordered as she turned towards the mirror. He walked towards her and stood right behind her. Their gazes locked in the mirror and Serkan got chills all over his body. And another memory was coming to his mind. He closed his eyes and after few minutes or seconds, he opened them and the next place they went shook him like all the way.
They were in his secret place, the place he went only once a year…His brother…If they were there, she knew about his brother. Eda looked at him with a kind smile and hugged him with her tiny hands around his back. He felt calm, and of course another memory came. And then another…Them in front of his mountain house, both of them around each other, angry kiss almost happening, rain dropping on them….
Them near the sea, confessing her his love and kissing her like crazy…
Them on walks with Sirius, like a family of three…
Him breaking up with Eda, breaking his and Eda’s heart instantly.
Memories came fast, and each of them hurt him more and more. Pain cruised inside his body and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. Regret and hatred towarda himself showed his way towards his heart and he fell on the floor.
“Please, make it stop… I am so sorry. I love you so much. Please forgive me…I can’t breathe without you…Please don’t leave me” Serkan begged.
“I am never going to leave you Serkan. I am always going to be here. In your mind, in your heart and in your soul. I forgave you long time ago.”
“Please…it hurts…”
“Serkan…wake up…Serkan!”
“Serkan, abi, please wake up.”
Serkan felt a hand on his shoulder and opened his eyes slowly. Engin and Ferit were exchanging worried gazes as they stood up right in front of his face.
“Yavash abi” they both said it as he quickly sat up from his previous position.
“What happened?” he asked grumbly while massaging his head.
“ I don’t know actually. One moment we were helping Melo, and in another one you also fainted. Are you okay? Maybe it’s too much stress for you…” Engin continued to ramble while Serkan tried to remember what happened. And then, it hit him. Hard. The dream he had and Eda who was in it and all the memories that flashed through him. Memories.
Eda and him in an elevator, sharing a kiss he so dearly missed. Eda and him in Sarpanca, enjoying their time alone. The time when Eda said her first ‘I love you’. The time he thought Eda was pregnant.
All these memories came back to him and Serkan couldn’t breathe. He looked around the room and in that moment Selin came in the office and hurriedly came to him.
“Sevgilim, what happened? Why didn’t you tell me immediately?” she turned towards Engin and Serkan was having a really bad time of controlling himself to not hurt her. He couldn’t believe that once his childhood friend, could manipulate him so easily. Like he meant nothing to her. His happiness worth nothing to her. He felt an urge to cry, but he knew he had to play this smart. He will punish her. He will punish her so hard that she will regret even meeting him in first place. And Engin? His so called best friend? He didn’t even tried to make him remember. To warn him about Selin. And Piril too? She immediately ditched Eda and returned to Selin like nothing happened. In that moment he didn’t knew who he hated the most. Selin, Engin and Piril, or himself. And his mother? She turned in a obnoxious teenage girl, not caring at all about her son who was clearly struggling and needed help. And Eda..His Eda..
Then, he remembered. The text. ‘Eda was in a car crash. She is pregnant .”
Serkan panicked like a maniac and quickly stood up and went throught the door without even saying anything, much to dislike and surprise of others.
He was running down the stairs and he could hear Selin calling him. He ignored her and went out of the building, towards his car. He didn’t know in which hospital she was, so he called Melek and hoped with all his heart that she would answer him.
After a long time, Serkan almost decided to end the call, he heard her voice.
“Serkan Bey?”
That ‘Bey’ hurted him so much, but he knew he deserved it.
“Melo? Where is Eda? Please tell me, I need to see her. I need to be close to her. Please, I know I don’t deserve her, but she is all I have. Please.”
“Do you remember?” she asked with a surprised but a tired tone.
“I will tell you everything, just please tell me where she is?”
After telling him the location, he entered his car and accelerated the car immediately, leaving bewildered Selin in front of the building, wondering where did he left now.

Serkan passed through all the red traffic lights, not caring at all about tickets he will get. All that matters is her. Eda. He prayed to all the Gods there is, to protect her and their baby, at least to gave them a chance to be a family. Only thing he always wanted. A family. He just wanted a chance. He knew he blew it all when he came back with Selin, but he knew he will make up to her for all his sins. Hell, he would even sell his own soul, just to protect her and a baby.
“Please, God” he begged the way only desperate people beg.
“Save my family.”.

At last, he finally arrived at the hospital and hurried inside, not even parking his car. He went to the reception and asked where she is, so he followed the instructions nurse gave him and went to the waiting room.
He saw Melo, Deniz, Ayfer hanim, even Ceren walking anxiously around the hall. Ayfer first saw him and she immediately stood up with savage look on her face.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
“Ayfer” Melo began, but was instantly interrupted by her.
“Did you really think you are welcomed here, Serkan Bey?”
She asked but he couldn’t answer her. He once more felt ashamed for his actions, and tears began to haze his pained eyes.
“Ayfer hanim, please…”
“Please what? What? You hurt her in the most humiliating way there is, showing your little romance with that ‘whatshername’ every chance you got, not caring at all about your FIANCÈ” she was yelling at this point and other people were watching them warily.
“ I know what I did, and I know I will regret it till the day I die, and I will never ever forgive myself for all the things I did to her, but please, even then I knew I had strong feelings about her. I didn’t wanted to acknowledge it, but I loved her. And now I remember her and…”
“And what? All will be forgiven, is that so?” she asked ironically.
“You, and your Bolat family, you destroy everything good, did you know that?” she asked with a sneer and hateful glint in her eyes.
“But, I really shouldn’t be surprised. First, with the your father killing her parents, and now, his son finishing the business. Isn’t life full of cruel twists, Serkan Bey?”
“What do you mean I killed her?” Serkan knew Ayfer hated him, and she had good reasons for that too. But accusing him for killing his only love? The only woman he ever loved, and the only woman he will ever love? That was too much…He couldn’t take it…”
“They gave us her phone after the crash. It was smacked, but somehow still worked. I know her password, so I went to check it if something distracted her from driving, and you could imagine my surprise when I saw your call right before she crashed, Serkan Bey.”
Serkan felt all of his oxygen going out of his body. He paled, so much, on a boarder of passing out.
“No” he said quietly, tears running down his face. “It can’t be” he painfully said these words.
“Oh, it can and it definitely is. So if my niece and her baby die, their blood will be on your hands. So, leave now, before I call the security. Leave, because all you do is destroy.”

-To love is to destroy and to be loved is to destroyed- CC

Author's note:

Thank you for your kind comments and  votes and views( over 1k sgkdfooddb), so I decided to publish this earlier. It looks like I am in reverse writer's block, so I am enjoying it while it lasts. A  little spoiler for the next chapters, I am pulling on y'all a Grey's Anatomy scene( if you watched it- evil laugh, if you didn't it-even better fo you). Anyways, enjoy this chapter, see you soon :)