Before That

Simula

Simula

There was darkness and now, there is light. A black pit hole once, now there's a beaming desire. From the never-ending darkness of the night, the sun managed to rise over the horizon and elucidated its light through the sky.

I watched the sun as it rose between the valleys of mountains and its glorious rays touched my skin. I had been up early just to watch the sunrise.

Watching sunrise was the best thing to start my day. It calmed my nerves. It made me forget my dreary and cold life before.

My cat, Casper, was the only one living with me. I touched him and he purred as he felt the combined warmth from my hand and from the sun.

Caressing Casper was also my favorite thing to start my day. He was a good boy. He had been with me for almost 10 years.

He encountered my ups and downs and never left me when he knew that I was sad or crying. He was my life and I knew I was his life too.

Tumayo ako at pumasok sa loob ng aking bahay para maghanda ng aming almusal. Casper's breakfast was a usual cat food and mine was a usual Filipino breakfast. Hotdog, egg, and a garlic rice. I liked eating rice in the morning even though it was heavy.

After finishing our breakfast, I prepared my yoga mat and resistance bands. Pumasok ako sa aking kwarto upang magpalit ng sports bra at leggings nang makita ko ang litrato namin ni Casper noong bata pa lamang siya. Memories flood into me as I stared the picture.

I softly smiled, nakuha ko si Casper bilang regalo noong 17th birthday ko. I remembered that I had been wanting and wishing a cat back in the days and someone made my wish come true.

My smile faded. It was funny because everytime I convinced myself to forget him, it made me miss him more. I just wanted to forget him, forget all the memories that he was in, and forget everything about him but I knew. It was impossible. I knew that he was a part of my life and will be a part of my life.

Pero hindi ko matanggap na naging bahagi siya ng buhay ko. Hindi ko matanggap na hanggang sa hukay ko dala dala siya ng puso't isipan ko.

Bumukas ang pintuan ng aking kwarto at nakita ko si Casper na papunta sa akin. He knew I was sad. He knew that her mommy was sad. He knew me well and I hated the fact that I remembered him through Casper. I hated it.

I once considered abandoning Casper just because Casper reminded me of him and I hated myself for even considering it. I love Casper as much as I love myself.

Casper went into my lap and cuddled me. "Casper, mommy's sad again." I said as I embraced his brown body.

"Naalala ko na naman siya. Kailan ko ba siya makakalimutan, Casper? Ang sakit na kasi. I thought I'm already over him but I guess, my soul will always find and wait for him," I ranted.

Casper experienced this very often. I always ranted about everything to Casper and he always listened. He stayed by my side until I was good.

Sandaling katahimikan ang bumalot sa kwarto. Ngumiyaw si Casper na para bang tinatanong sakin kung okay na ako. Ngumiti lamang ako sa kanya at umalis sa pagkakahiga. Nagbihis muli ako at kinuha ang skateboard na nasa tabi lamang ng kama ko.

"Mia!" Tawag sa akin ni mama. Dali dali akong lumabas ng kwarto na dala ang skateboard upang magpaalam.

"Ma, pwede po bang pumunta dyan sa parke? Magskate lang po ako, pampalipas oras lang," paalam ko. Tumango naman si mama at hinalikan ang ulo ko bilang tanda na mag-ingat ako.

Tamang tama at kararating lang ni Yana. "Hello po, tita!" Bati niya kay mama. Ngumiti lamang sa kanya si mama at binalik ang atensyon sa kanyang ginagawa.