Swimming with the Fishies

what happened?

"im sorry" Rina came and sat on my bed after i got back from dinner

"no, its me that should be sorry" i sighed "i had no right to be that way to you. i honestly dont know what happened to make me so mad."

"well, try to tell me then?" she flopped down beside me and slid under the covers

"i can try. its not that big of a deal though"

"if he makes you this mad, then it has to be a big deal"

"fine," i looked over at the beige wall as i reminisced "i guess it all started when i was about 12. that was when mom and dad split up because she spent too much time on her work. Jasper was really mad with all of this, even though he was two years older than me and he started to 'experiment' with drugs. it started out with just weed, but then, it gradually got more deep. trying things i couldnt even tell you the name of. mom would get upset and ground him, but she was too caught up in her work to take notice that he still went aganst all of her rules. so that was when she decided to set me on him, paying attention to his every move, detailing them to mom and living my own secluded life

"i guess, from the very beginning, i didnt feel very important to anyone. i never had very many friends, felt left out because Jasper was always the better kid. he was the soccer star, the most popular kid at school, the hearbreaker, the one every guy wanted to be. i was always living in his shadow as his little sister. no one at school liked me, not even to try to get close to the hot Jasper Monroe. they saw me as the nerdy chick, who didnt really care about anything but my studies, just focusing on getting good grades so i could get into a good college. but, as the years went on, and i got into my sophomore year, Jasper dropped out; he'd had enough of this 'awful' life he was living at school. he doesnt even know what its like to be in an awful life. hes never experienced what it was really like, he's never had to live in his popular siblings shadow.

"anyways, i couldnt help but be greatful when he dropped out. he finally gave me a chance to live. a chance to expericence what life would be like from a normal highschools point of view. so i ditched the only friend i had, who was a big ass nerd that absolutly no one besides me would hang out with, by choice or not. anywho, at the beginning of the year, i got a perm, made mom buy me some makeup, and a new realy hot girl moved to my school. we became friends just like that and she was my entrance to the populars. so, i met a bunch of cool people, made tons of new friends, although i never had more than my two best friends. sure, i had a few people i could stand to hang out with, but no one who i would want to spend all day with.

"but besides my new fortune at school, nothing got better at home. dad had moved up to new york, a ways away from where we had lived all my life. he would come down at all the major holidays and my birthdays, but that was pretty much the only times i would get to see him. my mom, just about the same. i wold have to beg her to just stop and talk to me just for a second. as soon as i said three words, she would suddenly rememeber something she had to do, and rush off. i started to think it was me. something that something i had done made her mad, making her want to ignore me all he time. i couldnt stand her when she acted like that. i started going crazy, screaming at all times of the night at her, but she didnt seem to be fazed by it. threatening to move in with my dad is what hit her hard and i knew i had met her weak spot. even now, i still use that agaisnt her to get my way. anyways, things with Jasper seemed to get worse, sometimes he would be away for weeks at a time, hanging out with his friends. he wouldnt keep in contact was what my main problem was. sometimes he would be home for a night, staying up all night watching tv, then leaving before i was home from school. he droped out from his soccer club and lost all of his friends. i had no idea what he was even doing. but he told me he was always recording. i didnt even know what that meant at the time. now i guess, sometimes he was telling the truth when he was recording because he had to make it here somehow. i guess he is kinda good, but i wanted this to be my time away from all my problems"