Her | MYG

Jamais Vu ✨

There are some days when everything seems to go wrong no matter how much you try to do things right. Whatever you do, it just leads to failure and nothing seems to comfort you. Things,that once make you happy, can't do it anymore.

No matter how much you try the tears just clog in the back of your throat and nothing you can do to make that lump in your throat and guilt in heart go away.

It was one of those days for her. It started off with her waking up in cold sweat finding the other side of the bed empty. She couldn't ignore the feeling of her ribs tightening around her heart making it hard to breathe but it was working day so she halfheartedly left the bed to get ready for it.

As If the universe was pissed off at her, it rained making the environment more gloomy with dark clouds. Even it wasn't enough, she got into an argument with her colleague. She was mad but she couldn't leave because she had a surgery schedule for today.

It went well to her luck. She thanked God as she entered the room for last surgery. Everything in its place ready to be used.

The patient was a 6 year old. An adorable child she thought. She talked to him before and he was a child that his parents were lucky to have. She had seen children of his age throwing tantrums and all but this child was different.

She smiled at child who was under general anesthesia. They'd usually prefer local anesthesia but they had to go with other option to stop him from thrashing around during the procedure. It'd be terrifying for a child to see someone cutting open his skull and all.

Surgery started well and she felt proud of herself for being helpful to someone. She often felt that. Especially when it came to children or teenagers. She'd feel like she saved someone's future, the country's future and it wasn't arrogance type proud. It was proud that felt nice to think about.

Situation was under her control or that's what she thought. But suddenly they noticed something. They were losing the patient. Her heart ready to explode in her chest as she tried to keep her calm saving the patient. She couldn't panic, now was not the time. A chaos in the operation theater as they all were trying their best to keep the boy alive trying all the methods so it'd give them some time but nothing seemed to work.

A sudden beep rang in the room indicating the boy's heart had stopped. Her heart stopped with it. A shudder running over her spine and she felt her own body going cold and numb. She took some steps away until her back hit the wall. Nobody seemed to notice as all were busy following the procedure.

Somebody tapped her shoulder but she didn't realize it. The person did it again and again until she looked up at them. Her mind freezing as she desperately tried to remember the face she was seeing in front of her. She knew the person but her mind refused to come up with a name.

The said person sat in front of her on their knees to be on same level. She saw their lips moving but it felt like gibberish, she couldn't understand a single word what was coming out of their mouth.

Then she looked at her hands. She just lost someone in these hands. She was supposed to keep the child alive.

She suddenly found herself in her room with the child and her mother. They were there for consultation and regular check up.

"Hey Jisung how are you feeling today?" A happy voice chirped.
It was her voice, she recognized.

"I'm fine. Mommy brought me here without any reason. Look I'm doing fine."

"Of course you are fine. But didn't you want to meet me? I thought we were friends. I was excited to see you."
The voice tried to sound offended but it came more like a whine.

"Are you sad? Don't be. You're my friend. I even told Micky and Su ho about you."

"Really?" A surprise voice

"Yepp"

"I wanna go out and play and do things mommy won't let me."

She patted his head looking up from his recent reports. " You'll be just fine in a week" the child grinned widely throwing his hands up in the air with excitement.

The scenario changed.

She was in another room now. The child laying in front of her ready for some final test before surgery, he seemed anxious. She placed her hand on his small one.

Thinking about something to distract him,she finally spoke "Jisung what do you want to do when you'll become a big boy."

"I'm a big boy. I don't cry and I even helped Appa in the garden last weekend."

"Yeah but what you want to do when you'll become very big boy. Even bigger than you now are?"

"I wanna be a rapper. I want to make music like that hyung."

"Uh huh who's that hyung?"

"Suga hyung"

"Ahh you want to become like him?" Her heart swelling at his mention.

"I'm learning piano. I can play pretty well."

"Will you play something for me? "

"Of course. Do you want to come to my piano class?"

"Yeah I'd love to." She found herself agreeing to it.

The scene changed again.

This time it was a piano class. She felt happy being there. The child was excited to show his skill.
He waved at her excitedly before going for his turn.

The child started playing the piano and she felt like she was strained and chained somewhere struggling to free her body. The tune was telling a story. As the song proceeded she finally felt chains around her body loosening and finally breaking. The next emotion she experienced was freedom, like running free in a flower field without any worry about the world.

She realized that's what the 6 years old Jisung felt, strained and trapped inside some cage. He wanted to run free and be able to do whatever he wanted to without something stopping him. She promised that she'll give him just that, a life so that he could fulfill his dream.

The song ended so did the scenario.

She was back in operation theater. A limp body of the child in front of her. A child she promised to save.

A poke on shoulder brought her back to reality again. Lee Rang. Her brain finally told her. It was him in front of her the whole time trying to calm her down preparing her for what was to come. The next hardest thing after losing the patient, informing the family. How would she tell her mother that she just lost her only child?
She had been there when the young mother cried her eyes out when she came to know that her child was diagnosed with brain tumor. She remember how she begged to save him because he was her only family in this world or how she was unable to bear a child again due to some medical issues.

Hannah remembered all that. Why universe was so god damn cruel sometimes? She tried to stand up but stumbled luckily someone around her caught her before she could hit the ground.

Reaching out for door knob with shaky hands she finally breathed and went out. The mother was outside and the second she saw the surgeon coming out of OT she ran towards her.

The moment those words came out of her mouth, the mother froze falling to her knees. Finally some tears escaped and she silently wailed. Not knowing anything better to do Hannah patted her back to calm her down.

Who she was kidding? Her whole world ended. Was she supposed to calm down right now? Hannah thought as she left the place.