Stephanie's Trial

Weightless

Since the full moon wasn't set to rise for another few hours, we allowed ourselves a chance to relax by the pool. The night was warm, and the cicadas were in full voice. It was the perfect night to let go of our worries for a little while - at least until Simon claimed us.

But he wouldn't be able to own us fully. If he wanted have us linked to him just so he could punish us for not getting the work done (and we'd done a damn good job of it so far!), then he was a bully. He was an even greater bully for hinting that he'd punish us for the fun of it, if what he said about being worse than Samuel was true.

None of us dared even let our minds dwell on the upcoming ceremony - which was to take place around midnight. Right now, we were together, and that was all that mattered.

For a little while we had fun, splashing each other, seeing who could dive the deepest on one breath, pool chicken, and noodle wars. We'd had no idea where the pool noodles came from, but they were immensely fun to whack people with, and there were plenty of sneak attacks whenever someone got a pool noodle to the face - mainly in the form of dragging the attacker underwater before swimming away and giggling like an idiot. And of course there were the requisite cannonballs, which lifted the mood even more.

But even though I was having fun, there was a small sense of dread in the back of my mind, and I quietly slipped away from the merriment, taking a deep breath before diving underwater. I didn't want to isolate myself from my friends, not so soon after getting them back, but I needed time to myself. I knew they'd understand, of course. I had the most to lose.

I swam slowly, letting the water's coolness flow over me, soothing the jagged nerves which had persisted ever since Simon's surprise announcement that afternoon. Moonlight dappled the tiles below, and I allowed myself to turn slowly, letting a few bubbles escape from my mouth and nose as I glided through the water. Here, I was truly weightless, and the thought of Simon's promised depravities lost their punch. Down here, once more, I was free, and no one could ever touch or harm me, not here at the very core of my being.

As my lungs began to burn, I rose to the surface, took in another breath, and sank under again, kicking slowly to propel myself along. I kept just below the water this time, letting more air go, watching as the bubbles broke the surface, causing the moon above to break into silver refractions. I let my head tip back, kicking steadily all the while, arms loose at my sides. I was, at this moment, quite content to stay here forever.

Surfacing once more, I took one more deep breath, before sinking under again. Time lost all meaning, and I relaxed, feeling the slowly increasing burn in my lungs as I emptied them of air, keeping myself below the surface, weightless, suspended in the stillness and silence that came with being underwater.  Here I was free, but the pressures of the world waited, and though I wanted to stay here forever, I knew I couldn't.

But I stayed anyway, the burn in my lungs now more intense as I felt the first spasms. I knew I had to surface, but I held out for as long as I could, even as the contractions grew stronger, and my urge to breathe grew more intense and demanding. I kept holding on, my lungs burning and my diaphragm contracting more with each passing moment, each spasm stronger, bubbles bursting from my nose and mouth with every contraction, my body trying to force me to take a breath. Still I held on, though the contractions and the burning were growing unbearable, warning me I was rapidly running out of air. But I pushed on, my body fighting to breathe the longer I stayed under, lungs all but empty. The surface and its precious air beckoned me, but I fought the urge to rise and take the breath my body so desperately needed, the contractions almost bending me in half, the bubbles coming in a near steady stream now as my lungs emptied, the pain growing stronger by the moment.

Finally, I could take no more, and as the last of my air ran out, I broke the surface, treading water as I got my breath back, trembling with the mingled fear and excitement of having skirted the danger's edge again. The others were still messing around, back to playing chicken, and as I swam back to join them, I knew I'd crossed a threshold. Simon could do as he wanted, but so long as I had this secret pleasure, there was nothing he could do to cut right to the core of my being, a core I'd finally found during those last intense moments, when I'd teetered right on the edge of survival. So long as I had that, Simon would never be able to own me fully.