Saviour - Avengers Fanfiction

Chapter Eighteen

I made a promise to Nat. Or, even if it doesn't count as a promise, it was still a deal. I didn't have to start the conversation with Bucky, but knowing he knew made it hard to sleep. Could you really blame me for being pissed off? He lied. He lied to me. Bucky was all I'd had after the accident, but now he was the only one I didn't want to be around.

That didn't really work out so well for me. Nat wasn't in the apartment when Wanda and I woke up, which already made me uneasy. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not afraid of him. That's not what this was about. I was hurt, and angry, and that's why I felt so pissed off.

"Shade..." Wanda hummed softly, dragging me out of my thoughts and getting me to look up at her slowly. "I should leave." My heart lurched, and I think she could almost see it. "No, no.... Not like that. It's just... I think you two need some privacy to work this out." I sighed, closing my eyes. I knew she was right.

"Fine." I muttered. "Where can I find you later?" I asked, already knowing this wasn't going to go well. I wanted to at least have someone to go be with afterwards.

"Miss Barnes, he is on his way up to you now." Jarvis warned, just as I'd asked him to. I groaned, Wanda standing up.

"Thanks, J..."

"I'll see you later Shade. Promise." I wanted to be upset, but honestly even just her smile made my heart flutter, so I just took a breath and nodded.

"See you later."

It was exactly two minutes and thirty-seven seconds from Wanda leaving the room when I heard the tentative little knock - I counted. I didn't say anything right away, bracing myself as I stood up. "Come in." I said quietly, knowing full well he could hear it. As expected, the door opened slowly.

When Bucky closed the door behind them, he looked over at me like he was waiting for me to start screaming at him. Honestly, I kind of wanted to. I let the silence drag on, and he ended up being the one to break him. Ironic, the Winter Soldier unable to take a little heavy silence.

"Shade, I-"
"
Don't." I snapped, cutting him off. He closed his mouth, looking a little hurt. I found I really didn't care as much as I maybe should have. "Don't do that. The whole innocent routine. I'm not awake enough to deal with it." I continued. When he didn't speak, I let myself relax a little.

"See, I don't... Bucky, I just don't get it. When I was little? Yeah. You know what, that I can understand. After that, though, you could have said something. On one of my visits, you could've said something. WHEN I ASKED YOU TO ADOPT ME," I shouted, getting louder now, "YOU COULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING."

He looked down at the ground now, and suddenly any of the guilt I'd been feeling disappeared. He wasn't even going to defend himself?

"What, no excuses? No 'good reason' for keeping me in the dark?" Now, he did look up.

"I didn't want you to be afraid of me." Bucky's voice was quiet, and he still didn't look at me. It made me hesitate. For a quick second I felt bad, but then a very different emotion took over.

"Good job." I started to laugh. I actually started laughing. "Good fucking job, Bucky. Do you not remember the first morning when you showed up? Guess what, I do. I saw you fight, I watched you two spar, and I'm pretty damn sure I said something along the lines of "Do it again!", did I not?"

"I know you did, Shade, I know! That terrified me! Realizing what you'd seen just then, even just in training? All Hydra did was train me up to be a killer, just another tool for them to use to get what they wanted. Do you have any idea how many people I've hurt? How many families I've destroyed? I didn't want you to know about my past because I didn't want it to change things! For you to change your mind about the adoption, or for you to not want to come see the team any more, even though they didn't do anything wrong, and I-"