Elizabeth and the Goddess of Death

Chapter Nineteen

One minute into the fight and Elizabeth was already dripping with sweat, but she made it farther than she thought.

Her opponent tried to strike downward with his blunt sword, and she blocked it and used all her strength to keep the sword up.

Unfortunately, he swept her feet from under her and she fell with a thud, grimacing at the pain. Her ears rang and she got a little dizzy with the force from her head hitting the ground. Before she could even come to her senses, the gong that started the fight had rang out once. It was over...she had lost.

"No!" Elizabeth exclaimed weakly, tears running down her face. There were still other people who would fight for Gwaine, but it wasn't the same. She had to win to make up not being able to save him in the first place.

Her opponent offered her help up, which she accepted. But she couldn't look him in the eye. She couldn't even look at her supporters, knowing she'd lose it, that the dam behind those sorrow filled green eyes of hers would break. That she would break.

The moment she tried standing by herself, the arena spun. Her head was pounding, her ears still ringing. After a few wobbly steps she collapsed, and with the aid of her opponent, she stood until her family could get down there.

Arthur and Percival helped her get back to the tent, everyone else following anxiously. They lie her down on her mattress, and almost everyone gave her space. Arthur was far too worried for his sister to leave her, and Gaius stayed to inspect what happened to her.

"You've got a concussion." Gaius says before using his magic to heal her. Even after the healing, she just stayed still and quiet, feeling like a failure once more.

"Gaius can I have a word with her?" Arthur asks, looking up at the physician. He nods and walks away, heading to the others. "I'm sorry. I know how important winning was to you." He adds in a hushed voice.

"It's ok. I should've known I'd never have won. I just...I think it really would've eased my guilt, y'know?" Elizabeth chokes out, looking away.

"I understand. He'd be proud of you, you know that right?" He asks, looking down at her.

"There's nothing to be proud of." She answers numbly, still unable to make eye contact.

"Saving Morgana, getting as far as you did in this tournament, carrying on when it got hard and we all know it did. He'd be so proud, and I know my words don't have the same effect as his but trust me, he'll tell you so when he gets back. He wouldn't want you to blame yourself, Elizabeth."

"I can't help it."

"I get it. Being raised under the lie that my mother died in childbirth, I blamed myself for so long. I realized there was nothing I could've done, I was just a child. Although since then I've obviously learned it was inaccurate, but that's beside the point." Arthur comforts. "I'm gonna let you get some rest, I know you'll be healed tonight but I don't want you to be awake and in pain. Just consider what I said, ok?" Arthur asks, looking at his sister fondly.

"Of course. Thank you, Arthur. I appreciate it." Elizabeth answers, finally looking at him to give him a grateful smile. With that Arthur left, joining the others while she slept.
***
Once again Elizabeth found herself being haunted in her sleep by Gwaine. His screaming, what her mind's eye imagining he looked like. Her eyes were so blinded by tears that she never actually saw his face.

Her dream went according to the reality with one exception:

"You're strong enough to break those chains, why didn't you? My blood is on your hands." Gwaine groans.

"I'm sorry, I tried. I tried so hard." Elizabeth chokes out, cradling his face as she untied him.

He used the last bit of strength to pull away from her touch before taking his last breath.

And yet his words echoed, repeating that his blood was on her hands and that she failed. Soon Percival joined from behind her til she woke with a jolt.
***
"Are you alright?" Morgana asks with concern, both she and Gaius still awake.

"Of course." Elizabeth lies, lying back down and trying to sleep again.

"I don't know what to do. If I win...I might bring back my father." Morgana admits to Gaius in a whisper, assuming Elizabeth was back to sleep. "Well, the man I believed to be my father." She corrects herself. "I don't want to hurt Elizabeth but I do miss him."

Unfortunately, Elizabeth heard and her blood ran cold. Surely Morgana wouldn't do that, right? Gwaine was dead because of her, and Elizabeth needed him back. For her own sanity she tuned the rest of the conversation out. Only time will reveal Morgana's intention and it was something Elizabeth was not looking forward to.