Young Royals: the story continues

Spectrum

Phillipe and I, that sounded very strange; I never thought I would connect so well with him. The whole last week of exams we spent studying together, I didn't know how interesting he could be, he talked to me about everything and gave away his time to listen to me.
It was nice to be able to fit in at school for the first time, without having my social status pointed out to my face all the time, whether it was for jokes or not. I know now that becoming a resident was the best thing I have done for myself in a long time, I didn't know how much I needed a friend at Hillerska until I met Phill. The last few weeks we could see that as much as our lifestyles could not compare we shared surprisingly many things in common; he told me about his and his mother's relationship which unfortunately was not good at all, on the contrary it was toxic and I remembered my father. Phill helped me a lot to overcome the remnants of pain that remained in me, he said that forgiveness was the key to inner peace, he could not be more accurate. And with my father too. Phill was very supportive, I was telling him that since he showed up at school on the "Saint Lucia" holiday the atmosphere was very tense, between mom and Sara.

Through all the appearance of trust and perfection the reality was that Phill was nothing more than a boy who was also betrayed by his family. Of course his life (as well as mine) was not yet an open book in front of the other but it was opening up little by little and I liked that, being able to see people without masks, without having to hide for fear of being different. And I followed my motto, because I didn't want to go back to my past Simon, who was hiding for being different in every way, for having another nationality, because I liked art and most of all because I knew I was gay.
As much as I don't want to admit it, I am indebted to August and I had to do something.

Phill gets me up early to go to breakfast, Dominic so I want to skip breakfast but he catches me off guard and lifts me with both his arms off the bed, circling my back, his still warm hands startling me; all I can do is join in his infectious laughter. I change my clothes in the bathroom, that's how we agreed from the first day, in the morning the bathroom would be my dressing room and at night his. In the mirror I catch myself smiling, I don't know if it's out of nerves, confusion?

We both left the room and walked up the hill to get to the other side of campus.
-Do you have an idea of what you would like for breakfast today?
-I'd like some omelets -with closed eyes imagining it I answer- fruit with cream and some strong coffee because I'm getting sleepy. And you?
-Don't ask me because otherwise I'll want to leave the dorm to get food at Mabkar's buffet," he laughs.
I turn to him, someday we could get permission to visit that place he mentions so much. I tell him that and he tells me that it can be during the week because it is close by, he also mentions a trip he has been planning for a vacation but I don't pay attention because he grabs my hand playfully while we continue talking.

Here in the dining room I visualize August and decide to approach him to chat until the supervisor arrives. I nod to him and he agrees. To tell the truth, he has changed quite a bit since the incident, I imagine it is a result of the psychological help he has finally had access to.
-August, I wanted to thank you.
-Simon, you don't have to. You don't have to tell me this...
-I've done nothing but ruin your life," he says, ashamed.
-We have all made mistakes at some point in life, the important thing is first to recognize that we made them and the second step is to try not to repeat them by improving and becoming better people.
-It's just that I can't forgive myself, even if I receive your forgiveness, I have not been fair to both of us.
-If you do not forgive yourself, regardless of this mistake, how will you be able to take the 2nd step? You will never be able to progress your inner self and then as a person you will remain the same. That would be regrettable.
Look at the floor thinking about what I just said.
-You put our relationship to the test, the truth was that we had no hope. How long do you think we could have gone on without the whole world finding out? -I say tired and sad, "Not long really, Wille's life isn't easy.
He looks up, with a sincere smile, congratulates me for having adapted well and for having talked about it with him. I'm not one to judge, living with a grudge only destroys you.

On my way back to the room I run into Sara.
-Are you going to the party, Sara?
-I'll go Simon, with Madison and Felice. Who will you go with?
-With Phillipe," she smiles knowingly, because even if I haven't told her, she knows because she knows me. Even I'm not sure if something exists or is about to exist, until this morning I was sure of our friendship but the simple touch of her hands on my bare back and her hand clasped in mine had turned upside down my perspective of the relationship we had.
I knock on the door for him to open it for me, he does. I decide that I'm going out to tour the school for an indefinite amount of time and we have to get ready for the evening. I take my compositions with me... finally more than 3 hours have passed and I haven't made any progress; I decide not to go to lunch to stay longer lying on the grass with the sun burning my skin, my mental block is obviously due to my thoughts lost in my worries. Before Wille, I had fallen in love but not like I did with him, he was definitely my first time for everything. The love I felt was inexplicable, I loved that he was different from the rest; that even though he never doubted his sexuality he didn't run away from me, that he stayed to love me, his only problem: being a public figure; and having done it for the first time that morning after the cancha.
I loved the way he got through everything he went through, especially with Erik and finally the determination he possessed.
But now with Phillipe everything feels different.

I'm about to get up to head to the room, but my sheets fly everywhere; beyond, near the tables is Felice noticing my mess she comes over to help me. But she is not alone, and my first thought towards what my eyes observe: a spectral illusion of mine for having been thinking about him all afternoon, but the closer she comes the less it seems like an illusion. I know now that Wilhelm is real.
Wearing a sweatshirt and black glasses he gives me a smile, but not just any smile. Standing with my notebook in hand, he approaches me hesitating for a millisecond whether to do it or not, takes a step closer and hugs me very tight as our farewell; his body invading mine, was my trigger.