Young Royals: the story continues

Simon: Wilhelm

That night of the party I couldn't sleep remembering how he held my gaze with tears in his eyes, knowing that something had broken in him.
Today I received a message from him:

"Simon, I have been invited to the annual trip that Hillerska presents to Skule Mountains. I'm sharing it with you so you can keep it in mind and know that you don't have to worry about my presence, I'll stay away."
-Wilhelm

First I had thought that in the message he would mention something about that night, now I was finding out that he would accompany us on the trip and I couldn't be happier to have him for a longer time in Sweden even without speaking to us.

On the way to the mountains Phillipe and I chose the last seats, Sara Madison and Felice in the seats in front of us. It was quite a fun trip especially because Madison had the ingenious idea to do Karaoke. And of course Phill won, he knew all the lyrics, second Felice and third me, because no matter how well you can sing it doesn't help if you don't know the lyrics.

Since I couldn't find Wille, I assumed he had to travel with another group, did he go with someone else? And if not, what would he be doing, would Wille have visited the place before with his family? How long would it take for our shy glances to greet each other instead of words for us? I find myself thinking of him with a disguised smile.

We stopped at a place to eat after 2 hours, I try not to look for him but there he is, politely talking to the supervisors... with those black glasses I love nodding at something they seem to say to him quite interesting, he then enters the bus to unload his things: candy, a neck pillow, a book and I can't see what else because I avert my eyes as I realize he had also been watching me.

While I was having lunch with my friends I noticed that Wille was alone and I was more and more convinced that this trip was a torture for him.

In the afternoon when we had organized everything and everyone had their tents set up, we were led down a short trail into the middle of lush vegetation to what looked like a campfire. That night I chose Dead in the Water because one way or another I wanted to dedicate it to him and as I sang both of us on either end found ourselves amidst the shadows and smoke from the fire, it felt so good to know Wille had his attention on me like the first time, where I from the choir stand and he in the crowd saw us and I could feel how much he enjoyed the performance by the way he smiled and moved his head slowly in time to my voice. Although now he didn't even last a few minutes looking at me because he had already fixed his gaze somewhere else but me. It hurt.

Sleeping tonight was not easy either because deep inside I knew I had to talk to him, but how if he didn't even want to look at me... while I was thinking what to do, outside I hear noise, so I get up carefully and through the darkness I visualize his silhouette, on his back and barefoot he is heading to the river, he can't sleep either I think. I see him through the opening of the zipper of my tent, until he gets lost among the rocks and still waiting for him to appear I fall asleep.

By the next day we have all climbed the mountain more as a recreational activity and in the afternoon I head to the beach this time alone, to think. With my feet in the warm sand and the breeze ruffling my hair I have Wille on my mind.

What do you really feel for him? Everything, I think. Wille to me is everything, being by his side sharing with him even without having contact is the only thing that makes me happy. I couldn't have been more wrong in thinking that getting Wille out of my life would be what I needed to be well. I needed his company the least to make my life meaningful again, with Wille everything meant my first times and of course his too, it was a process of discovery.... On the other hand, how did you feel about Phill? With Phill I felt something completely different than with Wille, with Phill it was simpler, it was everything I wanted to have with Wille, a relationship without layers to cover everything up, we could do what we wanted and it was quite satisfying not to be afraid of being discovered because nobody really cared... Phill has been the other side of the coin, he has made me feel safer and we have shared so much, we have trusted each other with secrets and fears. But who would choose the easier path between two situations?