Too Much to Chew/More Than I Asked For

Chapter Four

Alex POV

                I feel like shit. Bitch got me a present, it’s sitting on my nightstand with the letter and her purse that she left behind. I haven’t read it yet, seeing her emotionless like that. She let them do it, and she didn’t scream or protest like I had wanted. I swear I saw her smile behind the paint, and she cried before it even happened. I wanted tears afterwards. Nothing went as planned. It was a little pathetic, nothing like how I dreamt. One thing I can say though is I’ll miss kissing her. To be inexperienced, she was a way better kisser than Sabrina. She could hold a conversation, she made me laugh, and she was so damn cute in her little seven year old Sunday dresses. Hell, she looked cute in everything. I feel bad for messing up her dress at the cotillion, but I had to. She ruined my life.

                I can’t believe she doesn’t even remember how she learned piano. She had the audacity to pretend to not remember that either, which makes me think she doesn't really remember. I mean, Brian taught her. Every day she would come for practice for most of our childhood since like pre-k until that day they went piano shopping. He took her, without me, because I wanted to go to soccer practice, but he kissed me goodbye. He promised to come to the scrimmage game, and they didn’t tell me he was gone until after. My team won. But I had lost.

Something had caught fire, they think it was the curtain hanging dangerously over a radiator did the trick.

                That doesn’t matter though. What matters is, Brian is in a coma. Mom refuses to look at me, to go look at him, to leave her room. I look too much like him and she didn’t pull him out of that fire so looking at me is like looking at a ghost. No, she pulled out Elizabeth, then the beam fell knocking Brian out, and trapping him inside. Not a scratch, but a big bump on his head that hit a crucial part of the brain that knocked him out cold for four years. Now he's twenty two and they say if he ever wakes up he might not be the same, he may never be able to play piano and he’ll walk forever with a limp. That’s the guess. His time is running out, and everyone is giving up.

                It’s all Liz’s fault. Dad yelled at me, at me, for getting revenge, for righting wrongs long past due. Called me selfish, when all I was thinking about was the family, what was best for the family. She screwed up my life, how dare she spout about not being loved, when my own mother cannot bare the sight of my face for more than a glance. I have to talk to her through a crack in the door and now not even that because my voice hurts her ears. Hurts Dad’s ears.

                Sabrina the dumbass bimbo is an idiot beyond compare. I had to let her go, for real this time. I could swear her stupid was rubbing off on me. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I grabbed the letter holding it gingerly, disregarding the black smudges all over the pretty hand drawn envelope. It was in blue and green ink with little faces and flowers, clockwork gears, weaving in and out the border. It looked like a little girl drew it, a very talented little girl, but it was hers.

Dear Alex,

                I don’t know exactly what to say; you tortured me for four years. I lived in pure misery, but then you turn around and you become this sweet, kind, and compassionate guy, spreading your cooties everywhere, all over me. Anyway, I knew causing me pain made you happy and now that you had stopped I wanted to know why? Why, everything? Why did you push me into the Ravine, why did you bully me, why did you stop? Is it a trap, but then I thought, no way, maybe he grew out of it, maybe it’s time I grow up, too. Maybe we could be friends, but then I tossed that idea too. Because I realized that I couldn’t just be your friend, not without cracking, I’d lose it. If I weren’t allowed to touch you, and be there for you for things you just couldn’t go to anyone about, that you needed someone special for, I couldn’t be with you at all. I wanted to be that someone special. I wanted to be yours, but I know you can’t possibly feel that way about me because I’ve done something horrible. I just can’t figure it out! What did I do, did I say something, do something, or are you like mom and hate that I survived. That I was born and ever existed. I’m sorry, I’m sorry for everything, for living. If it hurts you, it hurts me. If I hurt you then I am so sorry… Well, I got you something for your Geometry test score. I know you probably did great, you’ve really improved.  I think I have too, I feel confident that I’ll pass with an A this year. You really don’t need study sessions anymore; I don’t think I do anymore either. I just hope when you have questions you’ll come to me, and I’ll try to make it the least bit awkward. You know where I sit, and Steve is okay, he’s back at the nest. He won’t try to steal your food I promise. Wow this was a long letter.