What If You Fall In Love

Chapter 14: Friends Again

Michelle..

hindi ko alam kung paano mag start ng conversation with her. hay bad idea yata itong plan ni Riz eh. until now wala pa rin kaming kibuan. mag kahiwalay yung direction ng tingin namin.

pero hindi dapat masayang ang moment na to. dapat may usapang mangyari. so i take a deep breath and mag start na sanang mag speak when she did.

- is this all your idea? at talagang dinamay mo pa yung dalawa ha. why don't you just asked me? hindi kung sino sino pa ang sinasali mo.

sabi nya pero hindi sya naka tingin sa akin.

- believe it or not, it's Riz idea. but screwed it, i know still my fault. and you're right i shouldn't invovled the two.

- so you set us up by their help. nice move.

- if that's what you think we did, so it's a yes and i will not argue with that. but don't get mad with that two kids.

she just smirk at me.

- Ji, i know i made a terrible mistakes and i know my sorries would not enough to gain your forgiveness. but what else can i say asside from sorry? i'm not asking you to forgive and forget but still i'm really really sorry.

- i don't need your sorry Mich, i need your explanation.

i take a deep breath again then i watch the setting of the sun.

- remember our last time that we've here and watched together the sunset? that was the time i realized that i'm falling for you.

i faces Jia, but she's still not looking at me.

- so after that, i told to myself that i have to forget this feeling of mine and decided to stay away from you. i think that's the best way i can do to remain our friendship.

- remain our friendship? parang hindi naman ganun yung nangyari ah. parang dun palang nawala na yung pagiging mag best friend natin. iniwasan mo ko, ni hindi kinakausap kung hindi kailangan. so where's you're so called "remain our friendship" dun?

- ginawa ko yun kasi hindi ko alam kung kaya kong tiisin na itago ang nararamdaman ko sayo. natakot ako na baka bigla kong masabi at tuluyan kang mawala sa akin. pero ganun pa rin yung nangyari, mas grabe pa nga eh. i lost everything, even you.

- we can talked it over naman ah pero umiwas ka na sana eh na ayos natin.

- umiwas ako hindi dahil yun ang gusto ko. ginawa ko yun hoping that this feelings for you will gone and our friendship will remain. pero bigla na lang sumabog ang lahat. tuluyang nasira ang lahat ng meron tayo noon.

- i tried to talk to you, many times Mich pero you refuses it.

- kasi natakot ako sa pwede mong sabihin. kahit masakit Ji pinilit kong lumayo sayo kasi i don't want to hear directly from that you're rejecting me, though i know na yun naman talaga ang fact. yung ang mangyayari. kaya after nung aminan na yun i stay away from you.

hindi sya nag salita. she just stares at me. nailang ako kaya i vowed my head and hold it with my two hands.

- ayaw mo marinig yung sasabihin ko kasi natatakot kang masaktan? pero nagawa mo parin aminin yung nararamdaman mo sa akin. so ano yun? wala lang yun?

- Ji, hindi ko intensyon na aminin sayo my true feelings pero bigla na lang sumabog. ilang beses na rin akong sinabihan ni ate Ly noon na sabihin yun sayo. paalis na lang daw sya hindi ko pa rin daw ma amin. akala mo ba madali na ganito tayo ngayon? kung alam mo lang kung gaano ko gustong maging okay uli ang lahat pero i know hindi na pwede mangyari yun.

- pwede, if you let us talked about it.

nag angat ako ng ulo and i looked at her. nakatingin din sya sa akin.

- kung pinag usapan ba natin yun may mangyayari ba? may mag babago ba? will you accept it ba? okay i think this is the right time to talk again. so?

umiwas sya ng tingin.

- until now i really don't know what will i say. basta all i know, no i mean all i want is yung bumalik yung best friend ko. and magka ayos uli tayo, yun lang.

- see, alam ko naman na ito yung gusto mong mangyari. but Ji, i know that you know na hindi na mangyayari yun. hindi na pwedeng mangyari yun. bumalik man yung closeness natin still our friendship has a bounderies na. Ji, hindi ko naman gustong mangyari ito and believe it or not pinigilan ko yun but i just can't and for that i am sorry.

silence monent uli. i waited na mag salita sya but still no words come out to her mouth. nakatingin sya sa pag lubog ng araw while me just stares at her. naging habit ko na yun ang tingnan lang sya kasi hanggang doon lang naman talaga ang pwede kong gawin.

- so what now?

tanong nya.

- huh!? what do you mean?

- anong gusto mong mangyari?

teka same lang yun ah. tinagalog lang nya.

- hindi ko alam. siguro all i want is kung ano yung right for us. siguro it's fine with me na kahit paano we're good. siguro kahit ganun lang.

- we are, ikaw lang naman yung hindi.

- sorry again. i know our friendship will not as best as before but sana kahit alam mo na my true feelings for you still we can try na maging okay tayo. i'm not expecting na okay agad lahat but sana we can start again.

- like i said ikaw naman ang may problema hindi ako. alam mo na yun naman talaga ang gusto kong mangyari.

- okay honestly it's still hard for me, coz until now i had this feelings for you but like i said i want to start over again. kahit yung friendship relationship na lang. i just can't afford to lose you. hindi ko na alam kung kakayanin ko pa eh.

tumungin sya sa akin and smiled. a smile that i'm longging for so long, finally nakita ko uli. and i know for that wala ng chance this feelings of mine. but i'm fine with that basta maging okay lang uli kami. i know naman i will going to be okay.

- so friends?

she nodded and then we shake hands.

- thanks Ji, for giving me another chance to be your friend again. don't worry i'll treasure it this time, though it's really hard but i know i'll be coping it in time. just trust me in this.

she nodded lang uli and didn't say any. okay na yun at least we're good hindi nga lang same as before but i know in time magiging okay din ang lahat. for now ganito muna, kahit masakit pa rin sa akin.

in God's time i know i'm gonna be okay. i will... be okay. i hope.