Unspoken Love- "It Was Always You"

Reminiscing The Past

Sana was quiet for a long time and this was making Sid restless. He felt she had shut him off totally. She was lost somewhere. He would have said something sarcastic to charge her, but she was hurt now and he did not wanted to hurt her more. He had seen she had not eaten anything, earlier in the morning. Looking at the GPS he noticed that a food court is just five minutes away. He decided to stop there and feed her something.
Sid turned the steering to his left and Sana looked at him. He was parking the car, near a food joint. She did not give any reaction, but sat in the car still looking out of the window. She could hear Sid sigh and open the car door and let himself out. He banged the door shut loudly. Sana saw him enter the food court. What an arrogant man this is?? He doesn't have the decency to ask if she wanted to come. But would she have gone?? No... Never.....answered her brain. But he should have asked.
Sid came and sat inside the car. He had a paper bag with him. He removed a vegetarian sub and an iced tea from the bag and kept it on the dashboard. He knew it was her favorite. Sid sat quietly not saying anything. It's been more than 5 minutes and Sana has not touched the food. He sighed again.
Sid: Eat Sana...
But they was no response from her.
Sid: Sana....
Still no response. And this irritated Sid.
Sid: Forget it...
He picked the packet of sub from the dashboard and was about to keep it back in the bag, when Sana turned and snatched it from him. She looked at him angrily and then looked away, unwrapping the packet.
Sid: Oh man....
She ate her sub quietly, sipping on the iced tea in between. Sid waited patiently, closing his eyes. The soft music in the car calming him down. He must have dozed off. When he opened his eyes, he felt a pair of eyes on him. He looked to his left, to see Sana gazing at him. She had finished her sub and tea. Their eyes locked for a few seconds and then Sid forced himself to look away. He rubbed his face and hair with his both hands. Looking at his watch he realised he had dozed off for more than fifteen minutes.
Sid: Shit.....
He started the engine without looking at her.
Sana: Mujhe washroom jaana hai...
Sid let out a heavy breath. This girl has the power to irritate him to no extent. He looked at her with anger in his eyes.
Sana: What.......Ab kya kiya maine??
Sid: Kuch nhi.....chal.... Sab iske hisaab se dolte raho...
Sana: Ek minute, ek minute... Ab washroom jaana hai vo bhi meri galti hai?? Tujhe aane ki zarurat nhi hai. Mai khud dund lungi.
She opened the door and got down from the car grumbling.
Sana: Har baat me kaatne ko aata hai. Pata nhi kya samjhta hai khud do... Khadus kahi ka...
Sid too got down and walked behind her. She was about to turn to her left.
Sid: Vaha nhi, yaha.....Right me...
Sana turned around fire blazing in her eyes.
Sana: Tu kyu aaya?? Tujhe bulaya kisine?? Dafa ho jaa yaha se....
She turned around to her right and walked to the washroom, her head held high. Leaving a frustrated Sid behind.
Sid had dropped Sana to the hotel, where the engagement was held. They had not spoken to each other for the rest of the journey. The soft music in the car and the silence between them, making the environment more peaceful. She had got down without saying anything.
Sid: Kab tak free hogi tu??
Sana: Char baje tak. Mai call karti hu Hall se bahar niklne ke baad
Sid: Ok mai char baje aa jaaunga.
She had turned and left without a backward glance and he had watched her until she has disappeared from his sight.
Sid had met Vedant. They had talked for a long time and had lunch together. Sid then said his goodbyes and drove around the city to kill time, looking at his watch from time to time. He reached the hotel parking at exact four and waited patiently in his car. He has been waiting for about half an hour, busying himself in his phone. Sana has said she would call him. It was quater to five now. Sid's patience was wearing out. He now called Sana. Her mobile was switched off. He called again after ten minutes but same message rang in his ears. It was five thirty now.
Sid got out of the car and walked to the reception. He inquired about the engagement and came to know that all guests have left an hour ago. Sid felt his heart beat faster. Where is this girl?? Why does she make a point of making my life miserable all the time. He wanted to call yogesh and ask if he had got any call from her, but he decided against it. They may get worried if she has not contacted them. He messaged her and dialled her number once again. It was still switched off. He swore in frustration. And when he looked up, he saw Sana hurrying towards him. Sid sighed in relief. He was so worried for her. But then anger seeped into him. He so wanted to wrangle that delicate neck of hers. Sid rushed to her.
Sid: Kidhar the tu?? Mobile kaha hai tera?? Kuch akal hai ya nhi?? Bagair kuch bataye kaha nikal gayi the??
Sana: Vo mera charging khatam ho gaya tha...
Sid: This is height of negligence. I can't tolerate this. Khud ko bacchi samjna chod do. Aur apne ghar walo ko bhi bata do ke tum ab koi bacchi nhi ho..
Sana: Ek minute, mere ghar walo ko kuch mat bol. Tujhe koi haq nhi. Ek kaam kar tu jaa. Mai tere sath nhi aa rahi. Tu jaa sakta hai... Sorry tera time waste hua, tu jaa....
Sana felt her head spin. She was having a very bad headache. One of her friend Menka had insisted Sana visit her home. So they had left after lunch. Sana had planned to leave Menka's home at 3:30 and reach the hotel on time. Menka had booked the cab exactly at 3:30. But to Sana's dismay, the cab got cancelled after the wait of twenty minutes. She booked another one and then got stuck in a heavy traffic. And about her mobile, she seriously did not look at it, until she was sitting in the car on the jammed road. She had removed it to call Sid, and found it dead.
Sana sat on the nearby sofa holding her head. Tears started streaming her eyes, after listening to this despicable man's rude remark. She resented him so much at that moment.
Sid: Sana?? Kya... Kya hua hai?? Why are you crying?? Tu....
Sana: Go away..... I don't want you near me.... Just go....
Sid got scared watching her cry like this. Is she that hurt?? But was it not always like this between the two of them?? He sat on the floor in front on her and bend to look closely at her.
Sid: Tu bolegi kuch?? Tu ro kyu rahi hai??
Sana: Maine kaha na Siddharth tu jaa....
His name on her lips always melts him. He doesn't know why. But it does.
Sana: Sho... Sana...
Sana looked up. He had stopped calling her that, long back. And he stopped himself before he completed that word. Their eyes met and then Sana looked away.
Sid: Chal uth... Please... Please...
Sana got up without saying anything. She had changed into a black shirt and blue denim jeans. Sid took her bag from her hand and they walked to the parking lot in silence. Sana was about to sit in the car when Sid walked to her. He removed his jacket and gave it to her.
Sid: Yeh pehen mausam thanda ho raha hai.
Sana took the jacket and wore it. She needed the warmth and more importantly she needed his fragrance. They both sat in the car and moved towards their destination. Sana has switched on the radio. The silence in the car was suffocating her. She opted for a station with slow romantic music. And this song flowed between them. Sana closed her eyes.
Tere jaane ka gum,
Aur na aane ka gum,
Fir zamaane ka gum,
Kya kare??
Rah dekhe nazar,
Raat bhar jaag kar,
Par teri to khabar na mili. ...
Bahot aayi gayi yadeen,
Magar iss baar tumhe aana.
Iraade fir se jaane ke,
Nahi laana, tumhe aana.
Sid saw a tear drop from Sana's eyes. His finger itched to wipe it away, and so he held the steering wheel tight, until his knuckles went white. Was that tear for Bunny?? Or him?? Sid and Sana had drifted apart five years back. And it was Sid who had pushed her away. He still remembers that cute, sweet, a little stubborn, but very loyal sixteen years old Sana. He had just returned studying business from The Yale School of Management. He had got many job opportunities in US, but he wanted to come home and expand his family business.
All his near one's were happy to see him, but Sid had not expected such reaction from Sana. She had jumped with joy and had hugged him, when he had come to meet the Gill family. She said she wanted to come to the airport, but nobody took her as she had her tests. Sana had just passed her school and was in the first year of junior college. And then she was always around. Sid too liked her presence. Sana would be the happiest when he visited yogesh. She would insist he sit near her whenever around. He too would put an extra effort to make her happy. He felt happy when her face broke into a beautiful smile. She would message him all the time sharing all minute details about her and Sid would guide her. Sana would tell him about boys who were attracted to her and Sid would be upset thinking those boys would take advantage of her. This is what he always tells himself. Sid did not know the crush she was having on him. It struck him one day, when she asked him to choose a dress for her birthday and she had feed him the cake first instead of her parents.
Sid then recalled all the incidences when she had tried to attract him. He felt uneasy. She was just a kid and he was eleven years older than her. And moreover, it was always decided by their parents that Sid would marry Neha. Sana's cousin. And Sid had no objection as he had no serious affairs in his life. He was comfortable marrying Neha and so was Neha. They both had never discussed it, but knew they were destined to be together. But Sana?? No way. How can she think in this direction. But you had also led her on. Said his heart. What rubbish.... I did not. Oh yes you did. Because you too are attracted to her. Do you feel your heart beat faster when Neha is around?? Do you feel it flutter seeing Neha's happy face?? No. Because you are not emotionally attracted to her. But with Sana, don't deny, but you too want to spend as much time with her as possible. This realisation shook Sid. And then it started. Sid started pushing Sana away from him. He started avoiding her. He stopped replying to her messages or receiving her calls. This made Sana try harder.
Amit was in town those days. He noticed all this and knew Sid was equally effected by this current situation. But Amit did not say anything because he knew they both were right in their places.
One weekend it was their friends birthday party and they all were going to the club together. Yogesh has suggested that Sid pick him and Neha from his home. Sid feared he will have to face Sana but couldn't say anything. He and Amit reached the gate of Gill residence and called Yogesh. Yogesh invited them inside as Neha was not ready. Sid without his will, entered the house. Sana was sitting on the sofa. She rushed to Sid as she saw him. She hugged Sid resting her head on his chest. Sid looked at Amit and Amit saw pain in Sid's eyes.
Sana: Siddharth..... Tu kaha gayab hai?? Bol na bhaiya ko mai aa sakti hu na tum logo ke sath??
Yogesh: Gudiya, kaha na tu nahi aa sakti. You are not 18 yet. They won't allow you in the club.
Sana: Siddharth kar lega mere liye kuch.
Sid: Mai kya kar lunga?? Kuch bhi bolti ho...
Sid said bitterly. And everyone looked at him with shock.
Sana: Kyu tum itna nhi kar sakte mere liye??
Yogesh's mobile buzzed and he excused himself. Sid removed Sana from his arms and gave her a shove.
Sana: Siddharth....
Sid: Sana tu thoda dur raha kar mujhse... Mujhe yeh sab bilkul pasand nhi hai. Jab dekho tab chipakti rehti hai...
Sid could see hurt in Sana's eyes and he wanted to kill himself. Why?? Why so intense feeling towards her?? Oh stop it, he told his heart. Sana took a step back, turned and ran upstairs. A tear had shed before she left.
Sid: Sana....
But she did not look back. Sid looked at Amit, for help, but he stood quiet.
Sid: Amit tu usse jaake samjha na please....
Amit: Nahi Siddharth mai nhi jaaunga. This was uncalled for. You were very rude. Yogesh hota na, to tujhe punch deta ek abhi.
Sid: Tu nhi jaanta yaar Amit.
Amit: Mai sab jaanta hu.
Sid: Vo mujhse...
Amit: Aur tu nhi usse??
Sid: Oh shut up Amit. Tum log niklo mai aata hu. Yeh le car ki chabi.
Amit: Par tu kaise aayega.
Sid: Aa jaaunga yaar. That's not important now.
Sid ran upstairs and knocked on the door of Sana's room. The door was open and so he slowly walked inside to the dark room. He could hear Sana sobbing. He lit his mobile flash light and saw her laying on her stomach her face hidden in the pillow. He switched the side lamp and stood there looking at her for a few moments. He wanted to pick her up and hug her tight. The urge was so strong that he had to close his fingers into a fist. He let out a heavy breath.
Sid: I'm sorry....
Sana looked out of the pillow and saw him. She then got up and sat on the edge of the bed, wiping her tears. Her mascara spread around her eyes, her soft silky hair all ruffled. She was looking beautiful. Sid went and sat next to her.
Sid: I'm really sorry shona.... I shouldn't have said that.
Sid lifted her head with his both hands and then smoothed her hair.
Sid: Dekh Sana....
Sana: Siddharth, I love you. I love you very very much.
Sana encircled her arms around Sid and hugged him tight. Sid was shocked to the core. This was absurd. Why is she making all this even more difficult, by declaring her love for him. Sid tried to remove himself from her embrace, but she held tighter.
Sana: Mat Siddharth. Please, please.....
She lifted her head up and smacked her lips to his. And Oh God...... Her lips were so soft and sweet. Sid could still after years feel that sweetness on his lips. He was lost. Completely lost. His brain wanted to break that kiss, but his heart desired for more. He too kissed back for some moments.....
Sana: Please Siddharth mujhse shadi kar le. Mai teri bann na chahti hu.
Sid felt as if someone has struck a hammer in his head. He pushed Sana away with all the strength he could summon at that moment. Sana went and fell off the bed. Sid stood up and so did Sana
Sid: Sana..... Are you crazy?? How can you even think like that?? I...
Sana: Siddharth please, please mat kar aise.... Mai bahot pyar karti hu tujhe...
Sid: Oh shut up Sana.... Tu pagal hai.
Sana went closer to Sid and was about to put her hand on his shoulder, when Sid jerked it away.
Sid: Don't.... Don't you ever touch me.... You are a psyco.... You need to see a therapist....
Sana: I know you too love me Siddharth.... I can feel it. How can you deny how we feel for each other?? It's.... It's so evident..
Sid: Yes it's evident.... It's evident that you are a fool and I need to keep away from you.. Stop this childish behavior Sana. It will ruin everything.
Sid walked to the door. Sana cried in pain.
Sana: Siddharth please mujhe chod ke mat jaa. Don't leave me like this please. I need you..... I need your love.
Sid turned and looked at her showing disgust in his eyes.
Sid: I regret the day, I thought you were my friend. Grow up Sana. Grow up.
And the next thing he had done is went to that club and proposed Neha. Their families were happy with their decision. But Sid has insisted that he want to expand his business and so he won't marry soon. Even Neha was hell bound on completing her studies. So Sid and Neha are engaged for the past five years. And Sana..... Sana had still not grown up. She had turned from a sweet innocent girl, to a stubborn, unmanageable, insensitive Sana. She always gets into trouble, argues with everyone, Never takes no for an answer. As if that was not enough she had got herself a boyfriend who is equally as unaffected as her. Sid feels, that boy doesn't even love her, but is only with her, because Sana pays all his bills.
He now saw Sana sitting next to him. Her eyes closed. This Sana reminds him of the five year old sweet Sana.
Sana opened her eyes, feeling Sid's eyes on her. She looked at him and he gave her a smile. She looked away not smiling back. He had asked her to grow up and so she had done the opposite. He had rejected a loving and compassionate Sana. So Sana has transformed herself to the Sana she is now. And she likes this Sana. She doesn't get affected by him now. Oh Really?? Asked her heart. I have always told you to keep your f.. king mouth shut. She scolded her heart. And it again went and sat in the corner where she had shoved it five years back.