Unspoken Love- "It Was Always You"

Holding Hands.

     Sid just wanted to get up, go to her and hug her tight. He was not looking at Sana as Amit was eyeing him with that irritating "I know everything" smile. But he could hear her.
Sana: Kya hai mama....
Seema: Tera kya chal raha hai pagal ladki..... Baby ko kick karne me abhi time hai.... Aur tu Yogita ko pareshan karna band kar de.....
Sana: Pareshaaaaan..... Mai Pareshaan karti hu?? Bhabhi??
Yogita: Nhi.... Bilkul nhi....
Sana: Waise mama ek baat batao.... Mai aapki sagi beti hu na???
Seema: Kya???
Sana: Jab dekho to daat te rehte ho?? Kahi se utha ke to nhi laaye ho??
Seema: Ha. Kachre ke dabbe se....
Yogita: Chachi....
     And she started laughing.
Sana: Isiliye mai aap jaisi nhi hu...
Seema: Matlab kaisi??
Sana: Matlab.... Dekho.... Mai kitne smart hu, intelligent hu, pretty hu.... Aap jaisi to bilkul nhi hu...
Seema: Sana...
Yogita: Bas.... Bas....Tum dono bhi na..... Aur Sana apne mama ko aise bolte hai kya??
Sana: Aree bhabhi.... Mere aur mama ke beech itna chalta hai.... Kyu mama??
Seema: Accha??
     Badi Maa entered the dining hall.
Badi Maa: Seema tu kya hamesha bacchi ke piche padi rehti hai.
Seema: Mai piche padi rehti hu?? Aap log iski harkate dekhte ho?? Karo sab laad karo uska.
Badi Maa: Are humse zyada lad to tu karti hai. Bhale tu usee kitna bhi daat ti rahe, par tere dimag me to har waqt teri beti he rehti hai. Kyu?? Kya mai galat bol rahi hu??
Seema: Vo...
     Sana came and hugged her mom tight.
Sana: I love you mama.
     Seema hugged her back with tears in her eyes.
Seema: Meri gudiya...
     Yogesh got up and went to them.
Yogesh: Wah kya family drama hai. Vaha bait kar aise laga ke koi tv serial dekh raha hu.
     Sana turned around and looked at yogesh and then towards the place from where he came walking. Her eyes fell on the person who meant everything to her and saw so much intensity in his eyes that her body shivered. Their eyes met across the room and stayed locked for long time. The moment was interrupted by Yogesh.
Yogesh: Gudiya...
     Sana came out of the trance and went red realising that Sid has seen this scene too. " Yeh itne der se mujhe sun raha hai....Ab bolega kitna bachpana hai, kitni bigdi hue hai, sab ne chadaya hai. Blah blah blah... Call karke pucha tha na kab aa raha hai?? Aaya to ek message nhi kar sakta tha?? Soochne do jo soochta hai.
Seema: Yogesh, Sid aur Amit aa gaye??
Yogesh: Ha chachi... Kab se aaye hai.
Seema: Are bataya kyu nhi. Dinner abhi lag raha hai.
Yogesh: Are aaraam se chachi unlogo ne he kaha ke papa ka wait karte hai.
Sana: Bade papa aa gaye hai.
Yogesh: Fir lagva do khana chachi.
     "Ab kya hua?? Aise kyu gussa ho gayi?? Kya kiya maine?? Iss ladki ka kuch pata nhi chalta. Pagal bana degi mujhe ek din yeh" Sid was lost in thoughts when Yogesh returned to the living room.
Yogesh: Chal Amit, Sid... Dinner lag gaya hai. Papa bhi aate he honge...... Sid??.... Siddharth??
Sid: Hmmm
Yogesh: Kaha khoya hai yaar?? Chal??
Sid: Ha ha... Sorry.. Vo mai....
Yogesh: Amit yeh na beech me he zone out ho jata hai. Pata nhi kya chalta rehta hai iske dimag me.
Amit: Accha?? Kya chalte rehta hai tere dimag me Siddharth??
Sid: Kuch nhi...
Amit: Aree aise kaise kuch nhi??
Sid: Amit.... Bola na kuch nhi. Chal.
      They walked to the dinning hall. " Yeh Amit kabhi nhi sudharne wala. Aur isse bol kar bhi kuch fayda nhi hai. Vo mujse bahot pyar karta hai aur mere dil ka haal jaanta hai, isliye gussa bhi nhi ho pata hu zyada isse".
      Sana was in her room. There were missed calls from Bobby when she was down. I will call him tomorrow. Not tonight. " Siddharth neeche hai. Mujhe usse dekhna hai. Uske aakhe apne upar mehsoos karni hai. Usse mujhe dekh kar muskurate hue dekhna hai...... Aur usse kya hoga?? Kal subah kya karega?? Fir se Bobby ke sath ghumegi??..... Mujhe nhii pata.... Par aaj nhi soochna uss baare me mujhe. Accha sooch Sana. Accha sooch...... Dekh tera Siddharth neeche aaya hai. Chal jaldi chal"
     Sana ran downstairs. To find everyone on the table. She slowed herself, but her heart was racing. She walked to the table and found Vihaan sitting near bade papa.
Sana: Bhai mere jagah se utho...
Vihaan: Ha uth raha hu. Bade papa ko kuch dekhana tha isliye baitha tha. Aur vaise, tu he kyu baithe bade papa ke paas??
Sana: Kyuki yeh meri jagah hai aur mai he baithungi mere bade papa ke paas.
Badi Maa: Vihaan tu idhar aa beta.
Vihaan: Aa raha hu badi Maa.
Bade papa: Jaa beta.... Aur aaja meri gudiya, baith idhar.
     Sana went and sat in her chair and looked at Sid. He was hiding his smile. Sana looked at him angrily.
Seema: Amit lo beta. Yeh paneer ki sabzi to li he nhi tumne...
Amit: Jee... Jee... leta hu.
Yogita: Siddharth bhaiya aap ke liye roti mangvao??
Sid: Aree nhi bhabhi. Sab kuch hai.
     Baba served sabzi and roti to Sana. She took a bite and looked up. Sid too looked at Sana and their eyes met across the table.
Amit: Bade papa tickets ho gaye na aap sab ke??
Bade papa: Ha beta. Tumhare bade mama ne he karvaye hai.
Vihaan: Bada maza aayega sab ek sath jaayenge.
Yogesh: Uske pehle mahashay aapki exam hai. Yaad hai na??
Vihaan: Pure excitement par pani fer diya..
     They laughed. Sid and Yogesh were discussing about some old friend and Amit was talking to Vihaan, during dinner.
Seema: Siddharth, tumhaari plate to puri khali hai beta.... Kuch le kyu nhi rahe ho??
Sid: Le to raha hu chachi...
Seema: Tum iss ghar ke bete bhi ho aur damaad bhi.... Tumko to bilkul sharmana nhi hai...
     Sid looked up at Sana and saw her choke over her food. She started coughing, her face went red and water collected in her eyes. Bade papa started patting on her back. Yogesh got up and poured water for her.
Bade papa: Dheere beta...
Yogesh: Kya karti hai gudiya. Le pani pi..
     She started breathing heavily and water spills from her eyes. Her eyes met Sid and only Sid knew those were tears for him, and not because she had chocked on the food. While all were fussing around Sana, Amit looked disappointingly at Sid. Sana saw helplessness in Sid's eyes and her heart ached for him. She took the tissue paper from the table and wiped her tears.
Sana: Ek minute, ek minute, thek hu mai.
Seema: Gudiya....
Sana:  Maa, bhai mai thek hu. Ok?? Relax......Aur yeh aap sab log mujhe gudiya bolna band kar do.... Bade papa badi ho gai hu mai ab.
Bade papa: Ok ok... Ha ha... Aaj se koi ise gudiya nhi bulayega. Sab Sana bulaayenge. Thek hai??
Sana: Thek hai.
Bade papa: Par sach bata tu thek hai na gudiya??
Sana: Bade papa....
     They all started laughing. She looked at Sid and saw him laughing too. She felt happy. This is what she wants for him.
Sid: Accha hum ab chalte hai.
Amit: Sana tum chal rahi ho na hamare sath??
Sana: Jee Amit bhaiya. Mai apni bag leke aati hu.
     Sana looked at Sid and he gave her a happy smile. She smiled back and left the table.
Sid, Amit and Yogesh were standing near the car, when Sana came out with her bag. She was about to walk to the back seat. Sid came forward and took the bag from her hand.
Sid: Sana tu aage bait.
Amit: Ha Sana tum baitho aage. Give the bag to me Siddharth.
     Amit took the bag and kept on the back seat. Sana sat in the front with Sid and they drove out of the Gill's residence. She switched off the ac in the car and opened the window, feeling the night breeze on her face. Sid looked at her and smiled. Amit's mobile gave a siren sound.
Sid: Yeh kya ringtone hai Amit.
Amit: Are itna accha to hai. Mai tere jaisa boring nhi hu. Vaise mere Aarohi ka call hai, to just shut up.
Sid: Ohh maan....
     Sana giggled and Sid looked at her surprisingly. He had almost forgotten how cute her giggling is. It makes his heart flutter. Amit was speaking slowly on the fone. Sid and Sana were feeling awkward now.
Amit: Ek minute sweetheart. Ek minute......Siddharth, thoda gaadi side me rukana.... Mujhe apne hone wali biwi se privacy me baat karni hai. Tere kaan to idhar he hai.
Sid: Kya?? Ek rakh ke dunga na....Abee mai teri baate kyu sunu??
Amit: Accha chal chal. Ruka kahi side me...
Sid: Kya yaar Amit ghar chal kar baat kar na be...
Amit: Siddharth abhi ruka raha hai ya nhi?? Bhai mujhe usse kuch important baat karni hai.
     It was late at night They were about to cross the sea link, but Sid stopped just before entering the bridge.
Sid: Le utar.. Jaa baat kar le... Kitna time lagega??
Amit: Aadha ganta....
Sid: What?? Amit pagal hai kya?? Mat utar tu. Ghar chal ke baat kar lena.
Amit: Nhi. It's important...
     Before Sid could argue further Amit got down and walked away from the car. Sid too got down.
Sid: Zyada dur mat jaana Amit.
     Amit waved not looking behind. Sid then came to the window on Sana's side and looked down at her.
Sid: Tujhe utarna hai??
     Sana nodded and Sid opened the car door and gave his hand. She took it and got out. Their eyes met and then Sid looked away. They both stood holding hands, leaning to the car, looking at the sea, which was lit by the moon above. The cool wind and the company made Sid shiver.
Sid: Tu dining table par royi aaj....
     Sana looked at him, but he didn't dare to look back.
Sid: Mai jaanta hu bahot acche se tujhe.
Sana: Pata hai....
     Sid now looked at her. He felt so much pain that he wanted to hug her tight and knew only that will ease the ache in his heart, but he removed his hand from her's and closed his fist tight to fight the urge to do what he was yearning for.
Sid: Sana tu nhi samhjti mai.....
Sana: To samjha na mujhe Siddharth....Mujhe tujhse kuch kehna hai ......Kahu??
     Sid nodded slowly.
Sana: Mai jaanti hu Siddharth  panch saal pehle jo bhi hua, uss wajah se tu dur ho gaya mujhse.... Par pata hai uss din ek aur cheez hui.
Sid: Kya??
Sana: Uss din maine apna sabse accha dost bhi kho diya. Mera dost..... Jis se mai sab share karti the.... Jisko mai.....
      Sid turned towards her, trying to take her hand, but she refused. Tears fell from her eyes.
Sid: Shona....
Sana: Nhi kuch mat bol... Aaj sirf sun.
Sid: Ok... Ok.... Par chal hum waha bait te hai. Fir baat karte hai.
     Sana nodded, wiped her tears and walked to the wooden bench nearby. Sid followed her. His heart was hammering in his chest. " Yeh sab kya ho raha hai mere sath. Itne saal jo khud ko dur rakhne ki koshish ke....aaj puri nakaam ho rahi hai. Sana ro rahi hai aur mai nhi dekh paa raha hu usse rote hue"
They both sat next to each other looking at the sea spread in front of them.
Sana: Hum dost the na Siddharth?? Ya fir nhi the?? Tu mujhe bata kya uss waqt mai tujhe apna dost samjhti the, to mai galat the??
Sid: Ha the.... Hum definitely dost the....
Sana: Fir ek dost ke naati to tu rukta na meri zindagi me. Agar tu kuch feel nhi karta tha mere liye to thek hai. Koi baat nhi.......uske liye shikaayat nhi karungi........Par rukta to.... Mujhe rokta, aur pyar se samjhata...Mai samjhti......koshish karti......Par Tune to mere sath he chod diya. Itni nafrat karni laga mujhse...Mai... Mai...
     Sana took her face in her hand and started crying with so much pain, that Sid pulled her to him and hugged her tight. Sana was sobbing on his shoulder and Sid had tears in his eyes too.
Sid: I'm sorry..... I'm sorry.
     She started crying harder clinging to him and he held her tighter. They both sat there clinging to each other until Sana has calmed down. Sid then removed her from his embrace and wiped her tears, removing a lock of hair from her face and putting it behind her ears. He took hold of her face in his both hands.
Sid: I'm sorry.
      Sana shook her head.
Sana: Koi baat nhi. Bas tu mujhse nafrat mat kar. Vo bardaasht nhi hota mujhse.
Sid: Hmmm.
     Sid removed his hands from her face and Sana felt lost again. " Kya yeh mujhse naraz ho gaya hai?? Fir se dur chala gaya". She too sat straight looking at the sea again.
" Nahi karta mai nafrat tujhse meri jaan. Kaise kar sakta hu mai nafrat tujhse. Mai to tujhse pyar.... "
     They both saw Amit appear in front of them with a broad smile on his face.
Amit: Chale??.... Kya hua?? Kuch hua hai kya??
Sid: Kuch nhi... Chal.
Amit: Are bol na.
Sid: Kaha na kuch nhi.... Chal ab.
     Sid got up from the bench and had taken two steps behind Amit when he saw Sana has not moved from the bench. He went back to her and stood in front of her.
Sid: Sana??
Sana: Hmmm
     Sana came out of her trance.
Sid: Chal ghar chalte hai??
     He gave his hand and she automatically took it. They both walked holding hands. Sid did not leave her hand until they reached the car. He opened the door for her and she climbed in. Sitting in the driver's seat he gave her a sad smile and started the engine.
     Aaru, Ritu and Sana were having fun tonight, dancing to the music, talking, laughing, but Sana was not 100% into it. Aaru and Ritu both complained about it and asked if she is well, and Sana said she is fine. She had not looked at Sid even once, while returning back and ran to Aaru's room as soon as she got down from the car. She was thankful she did not meet anyone in the way and stopped herself outside Aaru's room to calm and compose herself. " Jo kuch bhi mere andar ho raha hai, mujhe use dabana hoga. Yeh nhi chalega Sana, yeh nhi chalega. Khud ko aur Siddharth ko mushkil me mat daal. Shant ho, apne dil ko samjha aur shant kar" She took a deep breath, pasted a broad smile on her face and entered the room.
     Sid was sitting in the garden on a bench just below Aaru's room. He needed to hear Sana's voice after her silence in the car. He couldn't say anything after her request to not hate her. He couldn't find the right words. She must be very angry, very hurt. Sana had just got down and ran inside. Amit had come and stood next to him.
Amit: Kya kiya tune?? Kya bola usko?? Siddharth tu yeh sab....
Sid: Chup kar yaar Amit. Please chup kar.
     And he has left to his room, leaving the frustrated Amit behind. Sid couldn't stay in the room for long, and so he was here now for almost two hours, listening to her. He couldn't hear anything clearly, but could single out Sana's voice from his sisters.
     The noises now became less. It was three at night. Sid lay on the bench and his eyes closed. Today has exhausted him. So many emotions had come in the open today. He didn't had the energy to walk to his room and he wanted to stay here... Close to Sana. " Pagal ho gaya hai kya Siddharth. Tu chingaari ko hawa de raha hai. Aag bhadki to sab kuch jal jaayega. Mat kar yeh sab. Apne emotions ko kaabu me rakh. Yeh kaisi bewakufi kar raha hai tu. Stop it, just stop it and go to your room. A clear head after the sleep will clear everything else. Mujhe uske lehenge ke choice me involve nhi hona chahiye tha. Usse mujhse ab ummeed bad jaayegi. Aaj hamesha ki tarah aloof rehna chahiye tha. Meri galti hai. Mai behta chala gaya. Mujhe yeh nhi karna chahiye tha. Ab mujhe he sab kuch thek karna hoga. Mai usse kal samjha dunga ke kyu hum ek sath nhi ho sakte. Bhale usme mujhe thoda jhut bhi kyu na bolna pade. Mai yeh situation ko out of hand nhi jaane dunga"
    Sid opened his eyes to get up and found Sana standing, looking at him with so much love in his eyes. He shivered seeing the love, she feels for him. He sat up from the bench not leaving her eyes.
Sid: Tu yaha kya kar rahi hai??
Sana: Tu soya kyu nhi hai ab tak??
Sid: Mere sawal ka jawab tera sawal nhi ho sakta Sana.
Sana: Kyu??
Sid: Baith idhar, kuch baat karni hai.
     Sana sat next to him. Sid looked at her, but she was not looking at him now. He cleared his throat.
Sid: Sana aaj pure din me jo bhi hua....
Sana: Siddharth, please uske liye sorry mat bolna... Please...
Sid: Sana tu mujhe bolne degi?? Kuch bhi mat bol. Bas sun le meri baat.
Sana: Thek hai bol.
Sid: Dekh Sana yeh sab mere liye bhi aasaan nhi hai...
Sana: Kyu??
Sid: Maine kaha na beech me mat bol.... Please ... Please.
     Sid brushes his hands in his hair and his face.
Sana: Sorry.... Bol.
Sid: Sana tu jaanti hai jab mai Yale se pad kar aaya to sabse zyada tu khush the. Tu meri sabse acchi dost ban gayi. Tujhe sunna, tujhe samjhna, tujhe guide karna accha lagta tha mujhe. Tu bahot intelligent the. Bahot expectations the mujhe tujhse. Ek dost ke naate. Par fir acchanak tu badalne lagi. Tera sara focus teri padai, tera career, even hamari dosti se hat gaya. Tu mere attention ko, ya mere guidance ko mera command samajhne lagi. Aur yeh mai kabhi nhi chahta tha. Tune apne dimag se sochna he band kar diya. Bas mere har baat ko bina sooche vo tujhe pasand hai ya nhi karna shuru kar diya.
Sana: Kyuki uss waqt mai tujhse pyar.....
Sid: Tu mera point nhi samjh rahi hai. Tu mujse keh rahi the ke maine apni dosti bhi nhi rakhi, vo isliye ke tune apne man ka, ya apne pasand ka karna chod diya tha.
Sana: Siddharth....
Sid: Dekh aaj ka he incidence dekh le. Aaj vo lehenga tune isliye liya kyuki vo mujhe pasand hai. Tera kya?? Kya tune yeh socha ke yeh tujhe pasand hai ya nhi?? Dosti me log dosto se rai lete hai, par apna bhi to opinion hota hai na?? Mai sach me Tera dost banna chahta hu, par ek shart par, ke tu har baat me aakhe band karke mujhe follow karna band kar de.
     Sana nodded her head.
Sid: Sana meri aur Neha ki shadi ko koi rokh nhi sakta. Aur....... Aur sach kahu to mai....mai tere liye dost ke alawa koi.....koi feeling nhi rakhta.
     There was a long silence in between them for a long time. Sana was looking at the floor all the time and Sid at her, dying to know what she was going through. Sana then suddenly looked up at Sid and gave a fake smile.
Sana: Ok...Par tu bhul gaya ke mera bhi boyfriend hai. Jisse mai bahot pyar karti hu.
     She was about to get up, when Sid stopped her by holding her wrist.
Sid: Thek hai. Fir to sorted hai.
     Their eyes met and locked for a long moment. And then suddenly Sana brought a smile on her face.  She removed her wrist from his hand and brought it forward for a handshake.
Sana: Friends??
     Sid was surprised by her change in mood. But he took her hand and shook it.
Sid: Friends.
     Sid and Sana both gave a fake, but sad smile to each other.
Sana: Chal ab andar.
Sid: Hmmm chal.
And they both walked holding hands inside the house.