She crept inside her room which was darker than usual today. Everything was silent, until she gasped listening to the creeky sound of the door which she herself had shut after stepping inside. The tears did not seem to dry at any cost today. How would it? It was the current condition of her heart... the heart that was aching terribly today. Her mind drifted to whatever happened in the entire day today. She squeezed her eyes, bit her lips, and quivered hard, letting out the pain she had in her. She wiped her cheeks and quietly walked, dragging her lethargic frame which was covered in the heavy saari and sat down on the chair near her study table. No lights were on and she wanted to be it the same. After all, what would the outer light do if she was pushed into the darkness?... the infinite darkness which had no where to escape. She stared at her front, although nothing was visible. She wanted to vent out everything.... badly. But alas! What a fortune she had. She had no one to talk, no one who could listen her heart out. She bent her head and cried again. After minutes, when nothing worked, she turned on her table lamp. Her eyes dazzled due to the sudden light and she turned it away from her face. Silently, she took out her diary and held an ink pen from which she used to write earlier. She smiled bitterly. It had been ages for her, when she had left wrting a diary until "he" had come to her life. She opened the last page and started scribbling on it with her shivering hands.
Dear Diary,
Kaise ho tum? Bohot dinon baad humari mulakaat hui hai na? Ya yun kahun ki bohot saalon baad? Kya karun? Aaj yaad agaayi tumhari, toh chali aayi. Mere baare mein toh tumhe lagbhag sab kuchh pata hi hai, hai na? Roz toh baatein hoti thi meri tumse. Itni filmy ladki thi toh tumhari aadat bhi pad hi gayi thi mujhe. Filmon ka asar toh hona hi tha na?
Sab kuchh batati thi na main tumhe? Aaj kya kiya, aaj kya khaya, kisse mili, kya baatein ki wagera wagera. Haan kuchh kuchh baatein nahi batati thi, par uske liye meri best friend thi... meri Naina thi, toh tumhe kyun bataun? Kuch baatein doston ke beech hi rehti hain.... Par phir bhi bhi kuchh baatein chhod ke tumhe sab kuchh batati toh thi na? Jaanti hun ki pichhle kuchh saalon se tumse mili nahi. Ab iski kya wajah dun main tumhe? Ek bohot khubsoorat ehsaas se ghir gayi thi main, isiliye tumhe bhool gayi... poori tarah se. Aur iss baat ka pachtava bhi nahi tha mujhe. Yahi soch ke tumse naata tod diya, ki jab mere dil ko padhne wala mere paas hai, meri aankhon ko padhne waala mere paas hai, toh tumhari kya zarurat? Socha wahi kaafi hai mere liye. Lekin waqt... waqt har chiz badal deta hai. Ye waqt kabhi bhi ek nahi reh sakta, yahi khubsoorti hai iski, aur yahi kharabi bhi hai. Kabhi uljhe huye rishton ko suljha bhi deti hai toh kabhi yahi waqt haste khelte parivar ko banjar banane ki bhi taqat rakhti hai. Kisike sapnon ko bulandi tak le jaane mein madad krti hai to dusri oor wahi waqt kisi ke sapne ko chaknachur karke rakh deti hai. Aisehi aaj, mera bhi ek sapna tutne ke kagar par hai... ya yun kahun ki lagbhag tut hi chuka hai. Par iska dosh main puri tarah waqt ko bhi toh nahi de sakti na? Kaise dun? Jabki kahin na kahin iss baat ki zimmedar main khud hun. Jaanti hun ki bohot galtiyan ki hai maine zindagi mein...jo sayad kabhi maafi ke layak the bhi nahi. Naina jaisi sachchi aur achhi dost ko chhod ke Sunaina ka saath dena unn galtiyon mein se sabse bada hai. Uske chalte, main Naina ko khote khote bachi thi. Saare doston ne naata tod diya tha. "Usne" bhi mujhse muh fer liya tha. Kuchh waqt laga... sab kuchh sambhal bhi gaya, Naina ne to maaf kar diya... par sayad taqdeer ka mujhe saza dena baaki reh gaya tha, isiki kasar wo aaj nikaal raha hai mujhse.
Log kehte hain na ki humare karam laut kar humare paas zaroor aate hain. Maine pehle kabhi inn baton pe gaur nahi kiya par aaj... aaj ye baat kadwa sach lag raha hai mujhe. Shayad wahi saari galtiyan aaj laut kar aayi hain mere paas. Wahi galtiyan, jinhone meri "Suhani zindagi" ke sapne ko tod kar rakh diya... buri tarah. "Usko" ek baar kho ke paya tha maine. Par aaj aisa lag raha hai jaise, main firse use khone jaa rhi hun. Pata nahi iss baar kiski galti thi. Par itna toh pakka hai ki jo bhi aaj meri aankhon ke saamne ho raha hai, ye mere bure karmon ka hi natija hai. Bohot dard ho raha hai dil ko, ye baat kehne mein dard to ho raha hai par kehna to padega jo sach hai... shayad humara saath yahin takk ka tha.
Bohot dukhi hun, tut gayi hun, khud ka wajud bhi pata nahi chal raha, par dil ko ye samjhakar behla liya hai ki maine "usse" sachcha pyaar kiya hai. Aisa pyaar, jo shayad mujhse kabhi dobara nahi hoga. Aur agar ho bhi gaya, toh bas usi se hoga. Aakhir Bhagwan Krishna aur Radha bhi toh ek nahi ho paye the. Hum toh phir bhi insaan hi hain... Swati aur Munna hi hain. Haan... Munna, Naam to Manoj hai par pyaar se sab use yahi bulate hain. Kitna achha lagta hai na mera naam uske saath? Aur wo hai bhi bada pyara. Kabhi fursat mein uska bakhaan karungi tumhare saath. Kyunki abhi likhne baithi, toh ye janam bhi kam pad jaayega, par uski baatein khatam nahi hogi, aisa hai wo.
Aaj jab pichhe mudke dekhti hun toh saare pal bohot hi haseen lagte hain. Munna ka mujhe frock wala pandit bulana, mera usse baat baat pe chidh jaana, mera usse bandar kehke chidhana, uska har baat pe "aye pandit, aaj bada sundar lag raha hai tu" kehna, chupke chupke ek dusre se nazarein milaana, Campa ki ek hi bottle se campa peena, pehli izhaar pe hi uske bike ke piche baithke ice cream khane jana, gaddhe na ho to bhi break lagana... jaise har ek pal kitne khoobsurat the, kitne maasum the. Par aaj... aaj wahi saare pal sirf yaadein banke reh gayi hain. Aur ab ye yaadon ki duniya se kabhi bahar aayengi bhi nahi. Par koi baat nahi, inhi yaadon ke sahare saari zindagi chal jayegi meri. Kyun? Yahi soch rahe hoge na? Kyunki iske alawa mere paas aur koi chaara hi nahi hai... koi sahara hi nahi bacha hai zinda rehne ke liye. Tumhe bhi lag raha hoga ki kyun aisi baatein kar rahi hun main. Tumhe pata chal jaaga, kyunki baat toh sishe ki taraf saaf hai. Aaj... meri maasi mere liye ek rishta le kar aayi thi. Ladke waale mujhe hi dekhne aaye the, isiliye ye saara taam jham kiya hua hai maine. Wo dekhne aaye, main unhe pasand aagayi... aur... Aur main wahi pe bikhar gayi. Pata hai khushi ki baat kya hai? Kal uske saath mera roka bhi hone waala hai. Haan... Meri khushi ki nahi mere parivar ki khushi ki baat hai. Ab tum puchoge na ki main toh Munna se pyaar karti hun toh roka usse kyun? Zindagi Munna ke saath bitana chahti hun, toh usse rishta kyun, jisko main sahi se jaanti bhi nahi? Sawal laazmi hai aur jawab bhi hai mere paas. Pata hai kya? Main iss baat ka zimmedar apni kismat ko nahi tehraaungi. Kyuki ye meri galti hai. Meri hi galti hui na? Bohot baar himmat jutaake, koshish kari ki papa mummy ko sab kuchh bata dun, magar nahi keh payi... bas nahi keh paayi. Shayad uss waqt chaaton ka dard pyaar ke marham pe bhaari pad gaya. Aur aaj zindagi bhar ka dard khud ke liye maang liya.
Khair chodo inn baaton ko, inn sab baaton ka hona to tay hai. Isse koi badal nahi sakta toh iski kya baat karni? Aage ki baat batati hun tumhe. Pata hai tumhe? Kal Naina aur Sameer ki shaadi hai. Main bohot khush hun unn donon ke liye... bohot hi zyada. Aakhir kisi ki love story toh puri hui, Aakhir kisi ka pyaar toh amar hua, Aakhir kar... kisi ke pyaar ko toh manzil mili. Humari kahani naa sahi kisiki prem kahani toh puri hui. Aur mujhe khushi hai ki main uss pyaari si kahani ka ek hissa hun. Kal meri uss dost ki shaadi hai, jisne mere alawa kisiko best friend nahi bola. Isiliye kal ka din mere liye bhi bohot khaas hai. Main wahan zarur jaaungi.
Haan "who" bhi hoga wahan pe. Akhir uske jigri dost ki bhi toh shaadi hai. Usse dekh kar saari baatein phir se yaad aajaaegi aur takleef bhi hogi mujhe, par uske baad aisi naubat kabhi nahi aayegi. Kyunki, kal Munna se shayad aakhri baar mulakat hogi meri... apni shaadi se pehle. Apni Shaadi... bohot sapne dekhe the maine apni shaadi ke liye... mujhe pata hai ki poore bhi honge... mera dulha ghodi pe chadh ke mujhe lene bhi aayega...wo apne naam ka mangalsutra bhi mujhe pehnayega...Apne naam ka sindoor bhi lagayega... Bas fark itna hoga ki wo dulha wo nahi hoga jiska sapna maine hamesha se deka tha...wo dulha Munna nahi hoga. Mangalsutra aur sindoor pe bhi Munna ka naam nahi hoga. Kyuki kal ke baad ye Swati, Munna ki nahi rahegi. Tumhe lagega ki kitni emotional ho rahi hun main. Par aisi hi hun main. Filmy baaton ka asar aur Munna ke pyaar ne mujhe itna emotional bana diya hai.
Maine tumhe sab kuchh bata diya hai, uske baare mein bhi, aur aage humara rishta kya hoga uske baare mein bhi. Tumhe pata hai maine ye sab aakhri panne pe kyun likhi? Kyunki main bhi nahi jaanti ki ye chizein likhneke baad iss panne ka main kya karungi. Shayad phaad ke phek dun, yaa jala hi dun. Kyunki ye baatein ab humesha mere dil ke kisi kone mein dafan rahengi. Koi nahi jaan paayega isse... who bhi nahi.
Chalti hun, aaj ke baad pata nahi kab milungi tumse par ab aur nahi likha jaa raha mujhse. Ek aur baat kahungi jaane se pehle, Swati ki rooh toh humesha Munna se hi pyaar karegi magar wo kabhi Munna ki ho nahi paayegi... Kal ke baad shayad ab ye Swati... Swati nahi rahegi!
Her head fell on the paper, her hands shivered, the nib of the pen made a long line after she wrote the last word and her whimpering started... never to be stopped again.
Okay, So you don't have to wait to read what suffering Munna was going through. Scroll down and read the 'dard' of Munna in the next chapter i.e. DARD-E-DIL (PART II)
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Ankahe Dastan (ON HOLD)
FanfictionA COLLAB STORY BY ANUSHKA AND ISSABELLA. Kuch baatein ankahi reh jaati hain... Kuch DASTAN ANKAHE reh jaate hain. Everyone has a story to tell. All you have to do is to write it. ~Frank McCourt It's known to all of us that so...
