letters to louis || l.s (on hold)

chapter sixteen

" All of my kindness, is taken for weakness. "
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This chapter is about Harry, there will be no Louis in this chapter. This is meant for you to get to know Harry's character in the story, and get a glimpse of his life. Okay enjoy!

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H A R R Y

I've come to the conclusion that Louis is a fucking idiot. He's clumsy, laughs too loud, and always leaves the wrapper of his straw on the floor. An idiot all in all. But still, I like him. His eyes are so blue and his smile is so bright. He hates cinnamon and told Eleanor he'd "fucking sue Starbucks if there's a speck of cinnamon in his coffee."

He's so, so small and I just want to fold him up and hold him to my chest, protecting him from this shitty world.

Maybe I'm too attached, but haven't I always been that way? Ever since high school, junior year when I met Luke, I clung to everything I thought I could lose. Luke was the first boy I ever loved. He was beautiful. Dirty blonde hair, bright blue eyes, long legs and a sketchy lip ring. Absolutely stunning. And unfortunately, I loved him. I was the fucking idiot who was so naive he fell in love with the tall boy who played guitar. So maybe I'm the idiot.

We dated until senior year, he took my virginity and wore it like a gold medal. He told everyone, no one believed that the shy boy who loved books would give it up so easily. But they sure did believe him when he showed them the video. That was in London, I'm in Cheshire now. I'm getting better.

After that, I was diagnosed with clinical social anxiety and severe depression. For so long I was the freak who wanted to kill himself. I even hated if more than I hated myself.

No one talked to me, because why get attached to something if they were just gonna be ripped away by their own selfish self? But that's okay, I don't need anyone.

I work at Starbucks. It's a cute little coffee shop where people come and go, looking at me and smiling before minding their own business. No one knew who I was, and quite frankly no one cared. That's how I liked it though, just me. It pays okay, enough to keep me secure in my small, messy flat.

I do online school because I'm not much of a people person. I've decided I want to be a therapist, because what better way to feel better about your life than listen to people tell you about theirs? I love the idea, even though it's pretty fucked up.

And then, of course, there's Louis. My beautiful blue eyed baby. All though it may seem like it, I am not obsessed with him. I'm simply... Infatuated. He's a beautiful boy, how could anyone not want him? That's not the reason I do this though, not at all.

Everyday when he comes into the shop, he seems so tired and his smile doesn't reach his eyes. He looks so sad. And the first time I saw him, it was as if I was looking into a mirror. So I thought maybe, just maybe, this small boy with the scruffy hair and thin lips knows what I've been through. And I hated it.

He doesn't deserve that, no one does. So I made myself a promise, that I would make him smile a big, sunshine smile. But I wasn't ready to meet him, not yet. I'd just make him sad, make his lips curl downwards and his eyes look empty. I had that effect on everyone, even myself. I was toxic.

And it killed me that this beautiful boy would look around for me everyday he walked into the coffee shop. Because damn it I really, really wanted to meet him. To touch him, to hear him laugh. I wanted him so bad but I was too scared to just go up to him. And I was always too scared. Because in the end, I'd end up hurting him.

I always do.

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A/n

I just published my new story called "survive" so check it out!

Harry's so sad. ):
I know this is on the shorter side, but I just started working on another story. There big things coming guys!

Get ready because next chapter is them together, and they come with a hell lot of drama.

So what do you think about Harry and Luke? I think it's sad and Luke's an ass, although I love him very much.

15 votes, 10 comments

Bye. Xx