letters to louis || l.s (on hold)

chapter seventeen

" Written in these walls are the stories that I can't explain. "

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( immediate continuation of chapter 14 )

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H A R R Y

What the fuck did Louis think he was doing? Who the hell is he to make such a life changing decision for me? If I want to kill myself, I'll kill myself, he doesn't have the right to tell me not to. Whatever, I don't even care right now.

I'm in this small car, freezing my ass off, glaring at Louis as he drives and taps his fingers against the steering wheel. And I'm so pissed off I could reach over and smash his face into that wheel. But I won't. He's far too pretty for that.

"Look Harry, you should stop shooting daggers at me and actually talk to me. I mean you've been giving me compliments through paper for like two months." He sounded irritated, which only annoyed me more. I should be irritated, not him.

"Fine. I wanted you to get to know me through the letters. But I didn't get to finish them did I? Anyways, just because you found me doesn't mean you have me. I'm here with you, but I'm not with you. We're gonna have to get to know each other some way. And that is by being friends, whether you like it or not. So hi, I'm Harry Styles." I reached my arm out for his, he looked over at me with wary eyes before grabbing my large hand in his own small hand.

"Hello Harry, I'm Louis Tomlinson. I'm also driving so stop distracting me." He looked back to the road, scrunching up his nose and pulling his small fist up to rub at his tired eyes. He was so cute. How the hell is someone so cute?

I looked out the window as Louis drove and the sight caused me to frown.

Where was he taking us? By the look of this place we weren't on the best side of town. This place was fucking scary.

"Not all of us have rich parents Harry. Not all of us have parents at all." He spoke quietly, his voice deep and smooth.

That's so awkward. What am I supposed to say now? I'm not gonna say I'm sorry because that'll just piss him off. If someone said that to me I'd kick them out of my freaking car. Honestly, they aren't sorry for the person that died they're sorry for the person they left behind. It's fucked up.

"So can you like tell me why you were about to jump off a bridge?" Louis squeaky voice snapped me out of my jumbled thoughts. My breath hitched as I looked at him with wide eyes. Who asks that so casually? He just asked that like he gets asked why he was gonna kill himself everyday. He's so stupid, but I guess I have a real soft spot for him because I found myself wanting to tell him. So I did.

"The world isn't all sunshine and daisies, Louis. Life is a fucking horror film, filled with so much pain and suffering. There's things that make you shatter and things that put the pieces back together. This makes absolutely no sense but, there's good and bad. I guess you just have to measure out the bad and look for the good. I don't have good, just bad. People look for someone, or something, to keep them grounded. To keep them happy, I guess. They look for a safe haven. But me, I've never found my safe haven."

And maybe that's a lie because I'm looking at my safe haven right now and he looks so fucking beautiful.

"Well Harry, I don't think I can exactly pick up all your shattered pieces and put them back together. But I can lend you broken parts that might fit. And I'm going to be here now. I'll stand on the ledge with you, I'll bandage your wrists and I'll hold you when you cry. Because I might not be a safe haven but I'll keep you safe, Harry. You can count on that."

I didn't know how to react. I was so overwhelmed because Louis had parked the car and was now looking at me in that way. His blue eyes looks so sincere, so genuine. And maybe, just maybe, I felt like someone cared. Even if it was just a little bit, someone cared. And holy shit did it feel good.

So I smiled at him. A big smile that showed off my teeth and popped out my dimples. Because maybe I was fucked up and screwed in every way possible. But I didn't care because this boy, this beautiful, wonderful boy, was here looking at me. And in that moment I promised myself to keep him safe, no matter
what.

"So where are we?" I changed the subject, starting to feel uncomfortable under Louis pitiful stare. I don't need his pity, I don't need anyone's pity.

"My house. Or flat. It's small but it's home I guess." He frowned, his eyes looking up at his apartment building with complete shame. This place is a complete dump, but I won't tell him that.

"It's... Nice." Yeah, nice. Not anywhere near what Louis deserves but it's nice, I guess.

"It's complete shit, I know that. But it's all I got." He nodded, moving to take his torn old vans off at the door. I have enough money to get him a nice house and a new pair of god damn vans. He deserves the world, not this old apartment that on the verge of falling into itself.

"No, it's nice. It really is, I'm just surprised. You deserve s fucking mansion, Lou." I ignored the stunned look that came upon Louis face and instead moved towards him until I was merely two feet away from him.

"Before we say or do anything else, I need to say something. What you did today was the most stupid, idiotic, fucked up thing anyone's ever done. You had no right to do that, absolutely no right. And I hate you so much for taking away my choice to live or not. Because you knew I'd choose your life over mine, so you used that against me. But at the same time what you did today was the most amazing thing anyone's ever done for me and I can't thank you enough. Because Louis, my beautiful Louis, I'm already falling so hard for you. And that fucking terrifies me. But I promise you I'll buy you nice shoes, a big house, and all the vanilla lattes you could ever dream of. I may not be much, and I may not be the happiest person out there. But I'm here, with you. And I'm not going anywhere, princess."

My speech was cut short when I felt his lips press against mine in a desperate kiss. He smelled like cologne and shampoo and green apples and I was completely intoxicated by him. I could feel his hands on my hips and his lips moving against mine and all I could think was Louis Louis Louis. And I might not have admitted it, but I was really fucking glad he pulled me off that railing.

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hey !

so I'm back sorry for the long wait, I hope you like this though.

I'll continue writing letters, you'll find out how soon enough.

bye. Xx