The Unknown

Xing Si

When Xing Si wakes up the next morning he finds his roommates cuddled together on the couch, still sound asleep. The first thought that crosses his mind, worries him. He immediately kneels by the couch and runs his hand across Mu Ren's head. He had seen his friends like this many times before and it always meant only one thing.

Did he have a nightmare again? I thought he was better now, did something happen last night?

It was not until an hour later when Mu Ren woke up and revealed the events of the night that he found out about the change in their relationship. Mu Ren was so happy and excited that he almost jumped out in joy for him. He had not seen him smile like this in a long time which only made the news even more exhilarating. He was thrilled for both of them.

Xing Si had known Mu Ren for 6 years now and Li Cheng for 5. When Li Cheng joined their company and was looking for a nearby room to live in, Xing Si was the one who suggested he move in with them. Mu Ren was dead against it and it took him a lot of convincing before Mu Ren caved. And now they are practically joined at the hip.

How much ever they argued or fought or whined, it was always clear as day that they both cared about each other...a lot more than they would like to admit.

Xing Si had seen their relationship blossom from hatred to friendship to love.

Even if the three of them were as close as brothers and were known as The Iron Triangle at the company, Xing Si had always felt like the odd one among the group. He had always kept most of his private life to himself. He never dared to come out to them...to anyone actually including his family. He wasn't sure himself what he feared...being discriminated against or ostracized or losing everyone dear to him. He always feared if the triangle crumbled, it would be because of him.

So he lived like a coward for most of his life even though he hated that part of himself. He hated that he had to keep an important part of his life to himself, date in secret, and not share about his partner with his friends the way they can do easily. He felt lonely and sad sometimes but still couldn't muster up the courage needed.

Not until he saw Mu Ren fight Gao. Mu Ren had made him feel weak and cowardly when he bravely faced his perpetrator all by himself making him pay for his crimes.

He was so inspired by Mu Ren's intrepidity that he decided to be brave for once. He had to tell someone...the one who was most hurt by his decision to leave home...the one who had always looked up to him...who wanted to be like him when he grew up...the one who had been waiting on him to explain why he was abandoned. Young Yong Jie was upset with him when he moved out after college without any reason and even refused to visit often. Even though he eventually came around after a few years, Xing Si never revealed the truth to him...that he was afraid...afraid to be himself in front of his family...afraid to love himself for what he was and so he chose to hide.

He met Yong Jie that weekend, sat him down, and told him the truth. He expected Yong Jie to be shocked rather he was the one who was in for a surprise.

"I know." Yong Jie had said.

"You knew? How?"

"I just know things." he had said as a matter of fact.

"Then why didn't you say anything sooner?"

"I was waiting for you to tell me."

"Are you disappointed?"

"Why would I be? Would you love me any less because you like men? Our relationship will still be the same no matter you like men or women. But I just wished you didn't put yourself through this for so long and came out to Mom and Dad sooner. I just wish you come back home so we are a family again."