It's Just Pretend ✔️

Chapter 41

I finished my phone call with Mylo about the new schedule and went over to Rajah petting his head. Getting a few purrs from him as he nuzzled into my hand.

"I think Damien is still out in the living room, so I'm going to go there, okay?" I tell the cat who rolls onto his back letting me pet his stomach. I smile before kissing his head.

Leaving my room, I find the living room empty but I could hear his voice in the kitchen so I decided to stay quiet, knowing he was probably on a work call as well.

I smile tiptoeing closer. "I know. It will bring in more money if I just come back to work full time" I stopped when I heard him say that. My smile faltering. He'll tell him that he can't do that. I listen hopeful.

"Yes I'm sorry- I'll tell Mr. Tatton I don't want to do business with him anymore" he sighs and my mouth opens as a pain grows in my chest. "No father I did not and do not love him I just assumed he would pay better. I'm sorry it took so long" he mumbles rubbing his eyes frustrated.

I started tearing up myself, waiting for him to say his goodbyes. He didn't even try to fight it. When the phone call ended I gripped the end of my shirt waiting for him to turn around. When he did he froze his face breaking down into a shocked and sad expression as I let the tears slide down my cheeks.

"Is this your way of breaking up with me?" I ask chuckling sadly as he opens his mouth just to close it again. "What happen to staying together forever- you said... you said you would never leave me" I shout searching his face for something to show that he would stay with me.

"I have to listen to my dad, I've been disobeying him too much lately" he sighs and my face twists up into one of anger. "Your boss- or dad treats you like shit! I love you! You're going to leave me because he told you too- I'll pay you- don't leave me!" I break down as his face drops.

I suck in a deep breath realizing I couldn't do this. I can't be the only one in this relationship. I didn't want to be used- but if he didn't love me I'd just be using him.

I wipe my eyes my body feeling numb as I walked past Damien and grabbed my keys. "Be gone by time I get back- you fucking asshole" I try to sound intimidating but choke up.

"Dar-" I slam the door as he tries to call for me. Running down the steps I stumble to my car pulling out of the parking lot as fast as I could. Slamming my hand on the steering wheel I break down and bawl my eyes out.

I didn't know where to go, I didn't know where to drive to. "I loved you- I loved you so much" I sob, trying to wipe my tears and man up. "Who am I kidding... I love him. I love him so much" Was it all a facade? He promised he wasn't using me. He promised he loved me.

If I promised we didn't have to do anything publicly we don't even have to be official he can just pretend. I like the way he treated me. "Why can't I be loved" I sniffle before suddenly there's honking.

With a curse I swerve back into my lane breathing heavily as the person honks at me angrily, giving me the middle finger as they passed. I drive for a bit silently before pulling off into an empty parking lot just before entering the freeway.

I shut the car off and look around at my new surroundings. "Fuck!" I scream clawing at my head. I should have just stayed with Henry. No. No. I would have rather never met Damien. Now I'm going to be stuck with these useless feelings.

If I wouldn't have met him I wouldn't have been used again. The whole world knows about this relationship... what do I do? I checked my phone hoping there would be calls or texts telling me to come back home so we can figure out some plan of some sort.

I smile thinking about it. The smile leaves my face when I find nothing. It wasn't fake. He loved me. He loves me. I know he does. When I get home- he's going to be on the couch waiting for me. Arms open wide.

I can be all moody and ask him why he's still there after I told him to leave. He'll tell me he couldn't leave me upset and I'll sigh before crying all over again and hugging him. I'll apologize for being so rude and he'll tell me it's okay.  We are going to sort things out.

I'm being so stupid. Look at you go Zachary way to waste all of our time. I chuckle and wipe my tears. Turing the car on, I make sure my headlights are actually on this time before making my way home. I continue to wipe my nose and the tears involuntarily sliding down my face.

I drove home a bit happier, smiling to myself even. I just overreacted. "Hello Damien- I'm really sorry that I just stormed out without listening to you- and I'm sorry for calling you an asshole. Anyways that's besides the point" I was preparing my speech and really sucking at it. "I should have just talked to you first- you probably have a plan" I continue pulling into my parking lot.

Killing the engine I hurry out of the car realizing I hadn't been buckled. I quickly gain my composure and put a small smile on my face before taking it off. I shouldn't smile about this. I remind myself before opening my own door hesitantly.

I bite my lip looking around. "Damien?" I call for him in the pitch black. I knew he wasn't here, I purposely made myself not look around the parking lot so I would miss that his car wasn't here anymore.

My heart hurt even more now as I clutched my chest. "Damien" I yell waiting for him to answer. "I'm really sorry- I'm so sorry" I shout hearing the the little patter of Rajahs footsteps.

"Please don't leave me" I whisper before sinking down to the floor. I wipe my eyes again looking at the door as Rajah stood up putting his furry paws onto my chest. "Don't go..." I continue dropping my head as I cried to myself getting a small headache.

I wonder if he stayed at all. Did he think about calling me- or texting me? Did he just leave. Was he glad that he got rid of me. "He didn't give me a kiss goodbye- he didn't even say goodbye. Why am I saying that I was the one that just left!" I shout at myself.

"I called him an asshole" I cry. What if that's the last thing I ever say to him. I bet he's not even freaking out. He probably doesn't even care. I hugged the cat to my chest and cried.

"I thought he was the one Rajah" I whimper. The cat meows at me retracting his claws to pat at my face. I took him to all my favorite places. I made memories with him. He knows about Henry. I let him see sides of me I didn't want anybody seeing ever.

"He was my teddy bear" I choke out smiling a little at the stupid pet name. "I'm so fucking stupid- he didn't like it and I continued to call him teddy bear" I start to rethink everything and how awful I was as a boyfriend.

Why did he stay so long. Why did he lie to his father so he could stay with me and why did he stop all of a sudden. Did I do something? Was I not satisfying him.

Okay- I'm sure I can make him love me again. I'll calm down because he will like it more. I'll let him be dominant. I'll do whatever. What else does he like.

He likes when I play with hair. I love playing with his hair- I'll do that more. "Just shut up Zachary!" I yell realizing I was going back to being stupid. If he doesn't want you then he doesn't want you, don't force him into anything.

Just leave him alone... leave him alone. "Leave the person you love so much alone" I stammer petting the cat again. "It will make him happy, and that's all I want- I just want him to be happy" I lie to myself. I cry for a minute to my cat shaking my head.

"I just wished he would have been happy with me"