It's Just Pretend ✔️

Chapter 45

I speed over to the side and park. I was pissed. I was so over these constant nightmares. The sad moments. All of it. I was done. I am done. Turning the car off I didn't bother checking my horrendous parking job.

I storm my way into building going straight for the front counter. I startled the man working it at first. "You- you're Zacahry Tatton!?" He exclaims and I nod. I wasn't in the best shape right now. My skin was ashy, I'm tired and a mess. Not even a hot mess. Just a mess.

"I would like to schedule a few hours with Damien Royce" I tell him and he gulps tapping at the screen. "Didn't you guys pretend-" I cut him off not wanting to hear it. "It wasn't pretend" I grumble and he immediately shuts up.

"What day do you want this date... set up?" He asks and I slam my hand on the counter. "Now- I'm not leaving till I speak with him" I tell him. Trying not to cause a scene.

"Y-yes. I'll get him now" he scrambled to go get away. "Screw this- I'll pay you double if you just take me back to him" I snap at him getting his attention.

"Okay I can do that" he hurries over and pulls me back behind the counter before leading me through halls. Each man had their own room or office in a way with their names on the door.

We turn down a hall and he suddenly stops. "Would you like me to leave?" He asks and I nod standing in front of the door. "If your boss finds out I'm here I'm not paying you shit" I warn, poking his chest.

He nods scared and I sigh. Before suddenly hugging the younger man. "I'm sorry I'm not usually this mean- I don't want you to hate me. Thank you for doing this" I whisper and he nods.

"You're welcome- I hope everything works out" he nods patting my back. I smile as he walks off and another door opens so I hurry into Damien's room finding him with his head in his arms.

"D-Damien?" I stammer not wanting that to be how our reintroduction was. He looks up from his arms surprised and he seemed just as tired as me. Tired and sad.

"Zach?" He asks and I nod standing back against the door. "Oh god I'm seeing things now- I need to sleep" he grumbles rubbing his face groggily.

"Damien please- I can't do this anymore" I whisper and he looks up shocked as if he was just now realizing I'm here. "Wait. I'm sorry- what do you mean" he asks trying to be formal.

I bite my lip trying so hard not to cry or to just run into his arms. "Tell me..." I take a break knowing I might break down just at the words.  "Tell me you hate me- just tell me you don't love me. I want you to tell me to my face you never loved me, so that I can get you out of my mind. So that maybe I could possibly just stop loving you. I want the nightmares to stop. I want the memories to go away... no I don't. I just want to be able to stop loving you" I start with a yell but quickly quiet myself and it comes out as more of a whisper.

"You didn't answer my calls or my texts. When I told you to get out it was because I was angry that you could discard me so easily. I didn't mean for you to just drop me like that- I know none of this is your fault. I just. I'm not doing well and I'm hoping if you'll just set me straight I can go back to how I was before... alone" I tell him and he stands from his chair his face soft.

He walks over to me and I gulp. "Tell me you hate me" I say again. His hand goes to my cheek and I flinch away. His thumb rubbing away some of my tears. "Dont do this- please just tell me. Tell me you hate me. I'm begging you" I cried as the tears welled up in his eyes as well.

"Damien" I cried putting my head down. "I can't do it anymore. I love you" I choke out regretting coming here. "You still love me after all I put you through?" He asks and I just nod unable to get any words out.

"Please" I whisper not even knowing what I'm asking for. "Zachary" he whispers and I look up wiping my teary eyes. "I love you- I love you so much" he whispers and it just made me cry more. "Then why didn't you come back, how could you leave me so easily!?" I ask reaching up to grab him more.

My hands desperately grabbing at him. One hand staying on his cheek to force him to look at me. I just wanted to touch him in some way. "I thought it would be easier on you. I thought it would be easier on both of us. It's been the opposite for me and I guess you as well" he tells me and I nod.

"Dad is pissed at me so I'm working a lot, I don't know what you're expecting but I don't know what I can do" he whispers trying to explain but I don't understand.

I still just want hug him. "Months. It's been months" I manage to get the words out. He looks at me exhausted before nodding. "I'm sorry- I didn't want this. I made a promise to you. I was stupid. I am stupid" he groans and I nod pushing him back over to his chair.

"I'm sorry for coming... please go back to sleep that was first thing I was worried about" I whisper moving the hair out of his face some more. It reveals his scar and out of some instinct I lean down and kiss it. Immediately looking away I apologize. "I'm sorry- it was a habit" I choke out and he just looks to the door before pulling me into his lap.

"-Damien" I whisper and he holds me tightly. "Zach... let me kiss you" he whispers and I look towards him nodding. He moved a hand to my cheek the other holding my back as he leaned closer.

I didn't hesitate and crashed my lips onto his missing the feeling. I cried just from kissing him. The longer I was here with him the hungrier I got grabbing at his hair to deepen the kiss.

"I love you" I mutter pulling away for a second only to kiss him again. "I love you too" he breathes out wiping away my tears. I wipe some stray tears from his face as well smiling to myself.

"Please can't we just go back to how we were?" I ask rubbing my hands through his hair. "Zach- I don't think we can my dad and the job" he breaks my heart all over again. Standing from his lap I keep a small smile on my face trying not to cry again.

"Where are you going?" He asks and I shake my head not believing this guy. "I don't want to be like this but... I. You need to choose. Do you love me enough to actually be with me or do you love your dad and work more?" I ask and he opens his mouth before closing it again.

"If you choose that you love this more, please just tell me you hate me. It will help me get over you faster- I think" I chuckle sadly. "Zachary-" I cut him off walking back over.

"It was nice seeing you again. I love you Damien. Get some sleep. I'm going to book you for the rest of the day so nobody can bother you" I lean over getting one last kiss.

I wish things would have ended differently but I think I got my answer. I just wasn't what he wanted and I understand that I think. He watched me leave and I stood at the door as he gave me a longing look.

"I'm going to wait for you. Even if you decide you don't want me for a while- I'm always up for second chances. I mean for you I think you can have... like twenty" I joke getting a sad smile from him.

"I love you" I whisper and he nods. "I- I love you too" he answers and I shake my head. "Just not enough" I laugh the tears involuntarily leaving my eyes. I shut the door after those words and hurry back out the front going to the man upfront again to book Damien for the rest of the day so he could rest.

"How'd it go?" The curious boy asks and I look down at him heart broken.

"I think I got my answer"