It's Just Pretend ✔️

Chapter 44

"God I've missed you so much" he cries pulling me into a hug. "D-Damien?" I ask dropping the bag of food I had. "What are you doing?" I question him and he rocks us back and forth.

"I love you Zachary, I'm so sorry" he apologizes and I look up to him with sad eyes. "I love you too- why did you leave me?" I ask and he shakes his head. "Because I'm not smart, because I didn't think any of it through. Life sucked without you" he explains and I just stand there speechless. It didn't feel real. It seemed to simple.

There's suddenly flashing and I look around to see the paparazzi, taking pictures upon pictures of us. I grab Damien's hand to pull him away. "Let's go talk somewhere" I whisper but he holds me still before walking us closer. "Damien?" I asked confused.

"Oh how I missed the attention" he chuckles and my heart breaks at the words. "Damien are you and Zachary back together!?" Did you even break up?" They continue to shout out questions as I try to leave again.

"We never broke up, Z was going through some stuff but I've helped him through it- so nobody worry" he explains answering as many questions as he can. "I love you Z" he turns to me kissing me roughly. I don't kiss back and start to tear up before forcing myself to pull away.

"What are you doing?" I whisper and he ignores me waving to the paparazzi. "We're going to go home so he can rest" he explains and I nod hoping he would explain why he's acting like this. They follow us to my car and Damien puts his hand out so I hesitantly give him my keys.

He hurries to start the car and pulls away. I stare ahead but he doesn't pay any attention to me. Why was this happening? He just came back all of a sudden. Did he want to act like things were normal? I guess we could do that.

"Damien what's going on?" I ask and he rolls his eyes taking me by surprise. He puts his hand on my leg and I look to it before looking back up to him. It wasn't warm like usual. "Damien?" I call to him again.

"Would you shut up" he sighs and I gulp looking forward. "No- tell me what's going on?!" I say a little louder my heart beating a hundred miles a minute. "I was missing the popularity, I missed it all a lot." He explains and I stare out the window harshly.

"So does that mean you missed me?" I ask and he chuckles a cold laugh. "As if, remember how you told me I could use you. Because you liked the way I treated you- I'm taking you up on the offer now" he squeezes my leg and I tear up again letting them silently fall down my face.

"Are you going to be nice to me?" I ask and he stays silent. I lay my head on the window and cry. I didn't even care anymore. I'll just take Rajah to dad and move. Move away from everyone. No one will know where I am or who I am. I'm not dealing with this anymore. "Would you shut up!"

Suddenly I'm sitting up gasping for air. I look around confused finding I'm still on my bed, alone. I rub my eyes finding out I had been crying  in my sleep. "Damn how many tears do I have left" I joke with myself making my way out of bed. I didn't bother checking the time I just new it was dark and I was tired and sad.

My heart it was breaking more and more. Every time I thought it was done hurting, things like this would happen. The pang in my chest killing me slowly. I feel like even when I wasn't sad my chest and heart starts to hurt so much it forced a sob out.

I made my way through the dark house listening to the tiny footsteps of my cat following behind me. I didn't feel like turning the lights on, knowing I'd just go back to bed and it was way to bright with them on.

Opening the fridge, I cringe at even that light. I look through it for something just deciding on some sort of leftovers to pull me through till I wake up again.

I put them into the microwave not even caring about the container as I trudge towards the drawers exhausted opening the wrong one. I smile to myself. It was just the junk drawer but one corner was just full of hair ties.

I always have one on me, for him just in case. Maybe I should bring one back for h- "damn it!" I yell pulling the whole draw out. I take hair ties and just throw them across the house like a fucking idiot not caring where they land.

Going for the next drawer I grab the fork I was looking for and a napkin just as the microwave beeps signaling the food was done. Rajah peaked from behind the counter timid and I sigh squatting down. "I'm sorry buddy, did I scare you?" I ask holding my hand out for him.

He hurries over nuzzling into my free hand. "Thanks for sticking with me, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this as well" I sigh kissing his little fuzzy head. He yawned and I chuckle grabbing all of my shit before walking us back to my room.

I shut the door and settle into bed with my food on my lap. My baby cuddling up to my side. I take a bite of some of the green beans, a great middle of the night meal. Looking around aimlessly as one hand stayed on Rajah rubbing up and down his back.

He immediately passed out and I went over to my phone opening it. "Maybe I could call him? Just to talk?" I whisper clicking his contact and hovering over the call button. "We could just talk about life nothing else" I smile actually considering it.

My eyes flicker to the time and I stop. "It's four" I breath out and shake my head. "He better be sleeping. If he is I wouldn't want to wake him. His sleep schedule is horrible" I mutter to myself before setting my phone to the side.

I try to stay positive, but my mind was creeping back to the memories of me forcing him to sleep. He would feel awful about it, apologizing for making me stay up and wait for him but I wouldn't care and greeted him with a tired kiss anyways.

Making sure he had ate first, then Rajah and I would force him into bed. Where I would put on a random Disney movie and I'd cuddle him to sleep.

I loved waiting for him. I loved cuddling him. Making sure he was okay. Making sure he had ate and was sleeping. I loved worrying for him. Loved the feeling of knowing I was helping him. I love him.

I hurry to finish my food practically forcing it down as I had suddenly lost my appetite. I know I needed to start working out tomorrow again. I hadn't started losing my figure yet, but I just felt weaker... and not healthy. I was just so tired though.

I lean over to the nightstand setting my dirty dishes down, and grabbing the TV remote I immediately go to Disney plus searching through movies. I couldn't watch half them because they just brought back to many memories.

I looked at my favorite movie and gulped. I don't think I could watch it. He'd put it on whenever I was upset. He always chose to watch Aladdin because he knew how much I loved it.

Just like that- I never wanted to see that movie ever again. As petty as it was I just couldn't. My favorite movie it hurts just seeing it. I was so embarrassed when I first told him about my Disney addiction but he seemed to love it at first. Was I too weird. Was that the problem? I could change.

I went pass the movie with a heavy sigh and continued looking through them. I would probably just sleep to the movie anyways and click something random. Turning the sleep timer on, I turned and cuddled Rajah as I listened to the movie play. Curious of what it might be. I quickly found out it was The Book of Life. I've seen it a couple times and it was okay not my favorite.

I looked forward at the wall before forcing my eyes to close. Stroking the soft fur of my cat, wishing I wa strumming my fingers through Damien's hair right now.

I knew I couldn't blame him. As much as I wanted too.

"Please Zachary. Just forget about him"