Missing Piece

Part Seven

The way Bucky had looked at you and took your face in his hands gave you hope that maybe he wasn't mad. The moment he stepped back and let go of you, you cursed yourself for being so naive. Of course he'd be mad, you lied to him. You were under strict orders to do just that but you could have told him the truth anyway.

When Bucky put some distance between you, your gaze dropped to the floor. You were scared to look at him, look at his eyes. You didn't want to see the pain you had caused him. It was getting harder to breathe, like the guilt was compressing your lungs and you had sweaty hands.

He wanted to talk, but what was there to say? You could apologize, but that wouldn't change anything. You could try to find dozens of excuses as to why you did what you did, but again it wouldn't change anything. You had so much you wanted to tell him and yet, nothing came out. You took a deep, yet shallow, breath and finally spoke up; keeping your eyes to the ground.

''Bucky, I am so sorry.'' You whispered, not trusting your voice to go any higher than that.

Your fingers played with the hem of your shirt, a nervous habit you had picked up to distract yourself when you couldn't calm yourself down.

''You probably hate me, and you should. You trusted me and I hurt you.'' You thought back to the screams you had heard, his screams. ''I really wanted to tell you but Fury... I should have told you anyway. I know it doesn't change anything but I really am sorry. I didn't mean to-''

You stopped when your voice started to break to take a shaky breath and blinked the tears away. ''I didn't mean to hurt you.'' You finished.

Bucky frowned as he listened to you, then his eyes widened as he understood what was happening. He wanted to cut you off but you were rambling and he knew that he needed to let you get it all out. When you stopped talking, he waited a few seconds and when he saw that you were done he took a step forward. You still wouldn't look at him. He put one of his hands on your arm and with the other, he placed a finger under your chin to tilt your head up so you'd have no choice but to look at him. His heart clenched as he saw all the pain in your eyes. The finger moved away from your chin so that his, now free, hand could cradle the side of your face.

He shook his head slightly. ''Baby, that's not what I meant. I'm not mad or hurt and I certainly don't hate you.''

Your eyes moved so you wouldn't look at him anymore. He sighed softly.

''Please look at me.'' He pleaded, his thumb stroking your cheek a few times.

You took your bottom lip between your teeth and started chewing on it as you brought your gaze back on Bucky's face.

''I don't hate you.'' He repeated, looking straight into your eyes.

His thumb moved to the skin under your bottom lip and gently pulled down until you let go of your lip. It was a shade darker than usual and slightly swollen, he brushed his thumb over it to soothe the skin of your bottom lip.

''You were doing so good.'' He said, referring to how you had almost completely stopped chewing on your lip all the time.

''Sorry.'' You whispered.

You didn't know if you were being overly emotional because you were exhausted or because you had been so scared Bucky was going to cut ties with you; or both. All you knew is that every time he said something you felt like crying.

You were still playing with the hem of your shirt. You hated this feeling. The feeling of not knowing what was going to happen, not knowing how to act. No matter what he said, something had changed whether you wanted it or not and things weren't going to be the way they used to be.