Missing Piece

Part Fourteen

''Can we talk?''

You look into Bucky's room and nod, walking inside. You look at him, unsure of where you should sit. Bucky quickly sits up and pats the space in front of him.

''Sit down.'' He smiles at you. ''Please.''

You sit on his bed and clear your throat. ''What did you want to talk about?''

''Us.'' He reaches over to you and takes your hand in his, gently caressing the back of your hand with his thumb. ''I miss you.'' He says softly.

He looks down at your hands too scared to look into your eyes. You sigh and pull your hand away from his.

''Bucky. You can't just use me as your teddy bear, then push me aside until you feel like you need me again.''

''That's not what I was doing, I swear.'' He looks up, directly into your eyes; feeling guilty for making you feel this way. ''I've been away from people for so long, sometimes I have a hard time dealing with my emotions and talking about how I feel. I'm more used to just pushing people away and shutting down. I've been trying really hard to stop doing that but sometimes I still struggle.'' He bites his lower lip. ''And I have all those stupid insecurities about Steve that go all the way back to the 30s that just came rushing back and I handled it like an asshole. I'm sorry.''

Your brow raises as your confusion shows on your face. ''Insecurities about Steve? What insecurities?''

He lets his head fall backwards, looking at the ceiling. ''It's embarrassing.'' He groans.

He takes a deep breath and brings his head back to face you but he avoids looking directly in your eyes, too ashamed.

''When we were young... Steve and I were always together and people tended to prefer him over me. Except for the girls but for the things that truly mattered Steve was the favorite, I was always the second choice and that was before he was Captain freakin' America and I was the Winter Soldier and got this.'' He raises his left arm and lowers it again. ''Now even the girls choose him over me.''

He laughs sadly and rubs his hands over his face as if he was trying to find the courage to say what he really wanted to tell you. He runs his fingers into his hair, pushing it back and away from his face and finally looks into your eyes.

''When you started to hangout with Steve more and asked him to go with you to see Bruce, I got jealous. I know you and Steve were friends way before I got to the compound and I don't own you, you can be friends with whoever and hangout with whoever but... You're my girl, y'know? I got scared you didn't want to hangout with me anymore so I pushed you away. It's no excuse, it doesn't make it right. I know it was wrong, on so many levels, but I'm still messed up, baby. I'm sorry I pushed you away and I hurt you, I swear it was just a defense mechanism and I didn't do it on purpose to hurt you.''

You feel bad for Bucky. You know what he's saying is the truth, everyone has their insecurities but not everyone is best friends with America's golden boy while also being one of the deadliest ex-assassins in history.

''You should have told me all of this, Bucky. I would have understood, and it would have hurt a lot less. I have said it before and I will say it again because it's the truth. You aren't the Winter Soldier and what he did isn't on you. It's on all those jackasses who thought it was ok to brainwash someone until they weren't able to think for themselves or act of their own freewill. I would never just leave you one day and not say anything. I care way too much about you to do something like that to you. Steve was my friend first, that is true. He's like my big, much much older brother and you well... It's different with you.''

You want to tell him about how you truly feel about him but confessing your love for him while being on the run and stuck in a safe house alone together would make things extremely awkward if he rejects you.