jealousy, jealousy | rini au ✔️

Chapter 6

Nini pov:

I walked back to our table while everyone of my friends was staring at me, but Ricky wouldn't look even look at me. "What did I miss?" I asked while sitting back down next to Ricky, who still would not look at me.

"Guys?" I asked when no one answered me. I heard Kourtney sigh and turned towards her.

"Neens, I accidently told him. When he said he knew everything I thought you told him, I am so sorry" Kourtney said to me, to which in return I only nodded my head as a sign that I understood.

Then I turned towards Ricky, who like you probably guessed was still not looking at me. "Ricky, can we go to my apartment and talk about this?" I quietly asked him because I was afraid of his answer.

Instead of answering me he just nodded his head before getting up and walking towards the door. I quickly said goodbye to our friends before rushing after him. I caught up to him at the car and we both got in. When he started driving, I tried to talk about it, but he only said "Apartment."

The ride was completely silent, and it was not a pleasant feeling knowing its my fault. Currently we were walking through the building to my apartment in silence, but I knew that as soon as the door was closed, he would yell at me.

Ricky never yells, except if someone hurts me or someone close to him or when it is about someone hiding something from him.

I closed the door behind me and placed the keys in its usual place. "Explain" is all he said. I nodded my head before sitting down opposite of him in the living room.

"A few days after we broke up, I got sick. I repeatedly told everyone that I was fine, but Gina had enough after the third day and went to the hospital with me. There I found out that I was not sick, I was actually pregnant. It had to be yours because well yeah. At that point I was told that I had a high-risk pregnancy due to my past medial problems, but I was advised to keep the baby. I did just that, but I was told to not but myself in any stressful situations. I tried, I really did, but college was important to me, so I had to still go. No one knows how it happened, but during my fourth month I had a miscarriage. During it I told myself that it will be ok, I can just get pregnant again. You already know, but that was the day I found out I could not" I told him the whole story, well everything that was important and that I still remembered. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" He demanded to know. Ricky was calm, way to calm. This always scared me about him. When he was extremely mad, he was actually acting calm, and it wasn't good.

"I thought you wouldn't want the baby and I also didn't want to ruin your future" I whispered as an answer.

"You thought I wouldn't have wanted my own child. What kind of person do you think I am" He nearly yelled. A tear rolled down my cheek "I don't know Ricky." "So, you have no idea why you decided to not tell me I was about to become a father for 10 years?"

I just nodded my head in response. "I gave you so many opportunities to tell me everything without me getting mad, but you used none of them." I could not say a word to defend myself, because I knew everything, he said was right. I messed up, me not him.

"I'm so sorry Ricky, I shouldn't have kept it from you for that long. I shouldn't have kept it from you at all, but my insecurities got the better of me."

He ran a hand through his hair "I need some time to think about this." I abruptly looked up "No, please Ricky don't break up with me. I need you, please."

He shook his head though "I'm not breaking up with you, I'm taking a break. I'll call you when I'm ready."

Those were the last words he said before walking out of my apartment. I was scared, what if he will never call me? What if he realizes that I am not the perfect and confident Nini that he used to love anymore? I was now full on sobbing my eyes out. "Please Ricky, you have to come back to me" I mumbled into my empty apartment. Later that night my phone started ringing and at first, I wanted to ignore it, but I could not after I saw that it was Ricky. "Ricky?" I asked still in tears.

"Nini, omg I'm glad you picked up" I heard Gina's voice. "Why did you call me from Ricky's phone?" I questioned her slightly sad.

"Ricky, he is currently drunk at a bar and I was wondering if his apartment key is still at your place?" I looked at the small bowl with all my keys and then I saw it "Yes, it's here. What was he doing there?" I asked. I needed to know if he was just drinking his feelings away or if he was talking to a girl, if it was the first thing, I still had a chance.

I could practically hear her hesitate "He was talking to a girl." "I will put the key under my doormat" Is all i said before hanging up.

It was me. I was not good enough for him to stay. I hurt him and he has every right to go and drink, but I do not think that is why he left. I was not good enough or beautiful enough and he used this as an excuse to finally get rid of me for good.

My brain was currently trying to figure out ways to convivence him that I am good enough for him. Then it hit me, I should loss weight. We got back together with me being skinny and I still kind of am, but I am gaining weight. I just have to lose some weight and if he forgives me, I will still have a chance. That was my motivation to go through my whole kitchen and pantry and got rid of every food that had more than 100 calories. It sounds a bit excessive, but it is the same thing that worked the last time.

Deep down I didn't want to go back down that road, but if it meant I could get Ricky to come back to me and stay with me after he forgave me for messing up I will gladly do it.

After a few hours of work, I went to bed without Dinner, I already ate at the restaurant earlier that day. Hopefully this will work, I just hope its not to late yet.

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I cried while writing this and it's not even the sad part

I will post the next chapter tomorrow, I hope I made you happy ju